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Arm chair Psychologist


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Ok so i'm gunna try my own Freud pop psychology here based on my own experiences..

I've noticed with myself a pattern in that when my life appears to be going well my mental health gets worse.It gets worse in the sense like my brain is trying to sabotage things..I know the brain itself has no  gender as such so please bare with me here...My symptoms of mental health become much stronger almost like my brain wants me to become unwell...On the surface i have a nice home,Car and food on the table etc and when i do something new like start a new job,get a new car its like my brain cannot cope with it and trys to sabbotage it or what i interpret as sabotage it..This is were my Freud pop psychology comes in....And please if anyone spots any flaws in what i'm saying please point them out...I'm trying to learn at the same time...I think what i interpret as my brain trying to sabotage things is actually my brain trying to get back to whats familiar...Suffering with MI is very familiar to me...Going back over many many years i've had lots of untreated MH issues...I've just become so used to it its become a kind of normal..Even though its not normal and should not be accepted as normal..Over the years i've used alcohol to manage it..I'm now 12 years sober I've tried distracting myself with over working etc and other various ways...I'm also at the moment untreated..In the sense that i'm not taking my mood stabiliser due to fear of side effects  (Which i've wrote many times on here) So i'm going round in life suffering the hardships of untreated MH yet the experience is so familiar to me its normal in a weird way..So i believe that my brain is not actually trying to sabotage things..Its actually trying some protective measures in that suffering MH is familiar and having a life without MH symptoms is not familiar so therefore a threat...Its like the unknown..Yes suffering is not ideal and its not pleasent but from my brains perspective its a familiar and it can cope with familiar...An example...I know a few homeless people and when they get rehoused they end up leaving to live back on the streets....From a outsider looking in that looks crazy..Why trade a roof over your head to go back sleeping in door ways..It dont look rational..maybe its not rational but its "Familiar" terriotory..And been familiar with something equals safety..So yes living on the streets is far from pleasurable and nobody would want to end up there but from a behavioural point of view for the homeless person been on the streets offers a sense of safety in that its very familiar ..I hope this all makes sense...I've noticed this trend a lot with me..When things start to look up in life my brain trys to revert back to the old ways...Its like i cannot handle the stress of things looking up..A lot of this i believe happens on a subconcious level...I packed in work the other day...When i go back i dont know..I'm depressed and anxious yet this scenerio is all too familiar to me i'm able to function in it..I have no plans and am just going through the motions of life..I dont look forward to anything..I stick to my routine as i'm really rigid in that sense...I also believe that part of my fears around medication could stem from this idea that if i take meds and they help with my Symptoms then i'm entering unknown territory as i'm so used to just coping with the symptoms, living without them is off course non familiar so my brain creates such a extreme reaction (Phobia/Fear) to taking meds so that i can stay in this familiar territory of untreated MH..I once mentioned this to My MH worker and phrased it that maybe on a subconcious level i dont want to get well because maybe i'm just not used to been well and would not know hope to cope with it..I phrased it a bit better lol and he said sounds interesting but because my appointment was closing we couldnt explore it further...Does this make sense to anyone??? Can anyone relate??? Can anyone offer any tips/advice?? I'm trying to make sense of my experiences...Of course i want to be well..i want to be symptom free..I dont want to live anxious/depressed and live a life of just existing..Like i say these things i believe happen more on a subconcious level and i need to find a way to break/retrain my mind???? I honestly dont know..I feel like i'm just blurting out random stuff here so apologies if its a task following my train of thought here.....Hoping someone out there can make sense of what i'm saying and maybe even relate to it ..Thanks for listening...

Edited by GrannyG81
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I can super relate to change being scary.  I have a hard time preparing for change and staying calm.  When inevitable surprises come along, I can panic a lot.  I am sorry you are dealing with this.  

Edited by Banana Smurf
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Yeah I think for those of us used to a dysfunctional way of living, going back to chaos can feel safer than trying to be healthy. IDK 'just not used to being well' is an experience a lot of people here can understand. 

I think it can be helpful to take these things one step at a time. Rather than looking over the cliff edge at an impossible drop, just taking sensible steps to a place you'd rather be in. 

I know I sound like a broken record, but therapy can help, even though it can definitely feel like a huge hurdle. If you ever struggle to know what to say you can always show them these posts

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9 hours ago, Banana Smurf said:

I can super relate to change being scary.  I have a hard time preparing for change and staying calm.  When inevitable surprises come along, I can panic a lot.  I am sorry you are dealing with this

Yeah i hate change..I'm constantly reminiscing past times to try elevate my emotions...Thanks for your kind words

 

2 hours ago, ananke said:

Yeah I think for those of us used to a dysfunctional way of living, going back to chaos can feel safer than trying to be healthy

I think so too..Not that its enjoyable or anything but i can function in it as its familiar territory..

 

2 hours ago, ananke said:

I know I sound like a broken record, but therapy can help, even though it can definitely feel like a huge hurdle.

I appreciate your imput on things...I'm not a fan of Therapy..I've had loads in the past..Various rounds of CBT and nearly 2 years of Psychdynamic therapy which i found completly pointless...The Therapist did pretty much nothing  other than sit there in silence..Sadly its tainted my view on therapy and my trust of therapists...I have debated on getting a counselor..I dont know ..As of now i'm just in autopilot..I have no ambitions or goals..I'm just getting through each day..

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I remember you saying, I think even if not a therapist maybe a counsellor or someone to talk to could help. Would you consider a support group? 

Either way its still a hard thing to go through. I hope this time off goes well

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2 hours ago, ananke said:

I think even if not a therapist maybe a counsellor or someone to talk to could help. Would you consider a support group

I have considered a counsellor..I've been in Support groups...I dont mind groups..My only downside in groups is i want to be heard too much..I try to take over them

 

3 hours ago, ananke said:

I hope this time off goes well

Thanks....I dont know how long i'm having off..I have set no dates no nothing..I'm literally just getting through each day...I can tell i'm depressed as my memory is shocking..I went into the shops today and could not remember at all what i went in for...My memory normally goes when i'm depressed..

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On 7/15/2020 at 12:05 PM, GrannyG81 said:

I think what i interpret as my brain trying to sabotage things is actually my brain trying to get back to whats familiar

Abso-fucking-lutely get what you're saying. Mental illness is shit but it's familiar, and it can seem relatively safe as opposed to the uncertainty of trying to change. I used to be more of a recluse and it sucked elephant balls. I know I'm better off for talking to people - more grounded and stable - but sometimes I feel like crawling back in my old hole. Don't talk to anyone, they'll probably hurt you anyway. Nah fuck that! I was fucking miserable then but I know changing can be hard. The belief that things can be better is difficult and sticking to what's familiar is easier even if it is fucking awful. Things can get better though.

Oh and Freud would probably say you're stuck in the anal stage and you want to fuck your mother. I mean nothing by that because Freud was full of shit and I hate that prick.

Edited by Fluent In Silence
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10 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

Abso-fucking-lutely get what you're saying. Mental illness is shit but it's familiar, and it can seem relatively safe as opposed to the uncertainty of trying to change

Atleast with Mental Illness we know what we are up against..Like you say its shit but familiar..I mentioned it to my mental health worker that from a "Cognative"standpoint i do want to be well and i hate the suffering and hardships of untreated mental health yet from a "Survival/subconciouss" Level maybe i dont want to get well because its unknown territory....He agreed that it sounds interesting/plausable...

10 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

Freud was full of shit and I hate that prick

I dont know much about him to be fair..I've not read much of his stuff...i'll have a read up on him..I've heard him refered to as a quack a few times and most of his works is disregarded in modern Mental health ..Thanks for taking the time to reply

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  • 2 weeks later...

I relate to much of what you said.

I've gotten a few labels and a lot of fear of meds/ and sorta failed med trials to being prescribed stuff that didn't work out.

I got handed a shiny new label - BPD- which upon reading makes further sense.  But I struggled for years while looking perfect to everyone else.  And yes, doing things in life that you ought to be doing to be happy but feeling like you're a step from falling apart.

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