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There used to be an article online about OCPD and its probably the most accurate article i've read...Anyhows i cannot find the whole thing as it seems to have been taken down...I have however managed to find a small exerpt from it and wondered what over OCPD folks thought of it..Me personally i relate totally to it..Here it is 

"The essential conflict is between obedience and defiance. Behaviorally they are compliant; inwardly, they posses a strong desire to assert themselves and defy the regulations imposed upon them. Basically, individuals with OCPD consciously behave like the dependent personality disorder; unconsciously they feel like the antisocial personality disorder. As with the dependent personality disorder, people with OCPD incorporate the values of others and submerge their own individuality. However, inwardly, they are defiant, and the more they adapt the more they feel anger and resentment."

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i have a lot of fantasies about someone being rude to me and what i'd say back. i think that probably does speak to some buried resentment.

you always post really interesting articles about OCPD. i found this one quite interesting. 

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This looks really interesting, I will say I find it strange when these kinds of articles reference a lack of self awareness.. I'm fully aware that my OCPD is BS :306:

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OCPD sounds pretty crap. Orderliness, perfectionism, control. Doesn't sound like someone I'd want to meet. But I did meet someone with OCPD and they were kind and funny and helped me when I was at my lowest. Haven't spoken to her for a long time because she was too depressed to talk (or just sick of me, and it would be nice to think that's true but it probably isn't. Just sick of me as opposed to all the other shit which made her wish she was dead). But I mean that reading the symptoms of OCPD makes you sound like an arsehole. I mentioned this to her once, like OCPD makes it sound like she should have a mustache and constantly be hitting people over the head with the rule book. "Orders must be obeyed and I think you'll find that if you look at subsection 2b... " She wasn't like that at all. You aren't like that at all. I used to relate a lot to Schizoid Personality Disorder, which also makes me sound like an arsehole - asocial, indifferent, detached. Maybe I am a schizoid but hopefully I'm not an arsehole (I am an arsehole). Anyway, what I mean to say is that meeting someone with OCPD made me see beyond the shit sounding DSM criteria. She was lovely, intelligent and hurt, and we had a lot in common.

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One thing that stood out to me was "The essential conflict is between obedience and defiance"

How this relates to me and how i interpret that is that inside i have what  i will call "The Timid person" And also "The Inner Rebel"

The timid person is the side that follows the rules etc as fear to do so will result in either humiliation/Punishment..And then i have the inner rebel that basically hates these rules etc ..So on one hand i have this timid person inside who follows rules and a inner rebel who hates these rules and the more  the inner timid person follows them the more the inner rebel gets mad/angry and this to me is part of the inner conflict..Its two completely opposing forces fighting against one another..Its a completely conflicting style of personality..And example for me could be say i dont respect a boss i work for and even a boss i do respect  gives me an order..The timid person will follow these orders and be compliant yet the inner rebel will not like these orders posed upon it..So the conflict in my mind would be the inner rebel saying things like "Who does he think he is..Why are you submitting to this person,What rights do they have to tell you what to do etc" And the more i submit to authority the more angry i will get till eventually i will have enough and either get my tools and walk off the job (Which i have done many times) Or i will let it fester away to the point it eats away at me to were i end up burning out with it..I hope this makes sense....This is very similar to what i'm like in therapy..

"Who are they to tell me"

"What do they Know"

And the more i engage in therapy the More the "Inner rebel" will critique me and peck away internally to the point i build resentment against the therapist and will not want to engage or will find ways to argue/Challenge the therapist solely for the point of wanting conflict with them..

Another thing i've found with myself is that i want to be heard and i want people to believe what i have to say, as i believe my truth is "The truth" Yet if people were to believe what i say i would accuse them of been nothing more than followers and not doing there own research yet if they challenged my view i would become resentful of them as i want them to believe what i have to say..Them challenging my view taps into my fear of humiliation.. So in essence i put people in a completely no win situation...The sad thing is i know i do this yet its like my automatic default setting which goes to again show just how conflicting this personality disorder is...I'm not saying this is true for all people with OCPD but i find it very true for myself and i remember posting something similar some time back on a OCPD Fb group and the vast majority identified with it.

 

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lets just say that someone challanged my view and i actually agreed with it..I would simply incorporate that new view but make out like it was my view to start with rather than acknowledge i've changed my mind on something if that makes sense lol 

It makes sense to me i just have this big fear about what i write in text is not coming across properly

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