"delusional " Ocd Content

[GrannyG81]

I've posted a topic similar to this on here and i didnt get much feedback...I'm hoping theres someone out there who can relate to what i'm saying as i've not met anyone in real life nor online who has shared experiences of this.

Ok I've titled this "Delusional" OCD content as i cant think of any other name to describe it..

A lot of my OCD has revolved around bizzare intrusive thoughts which on the surface would look "Delusional" how ever i dont believe them 100% although they are extremely over whelming and frightening...Some examples of past Thoughts have been

1)Scared to touch anything electrical as feared the electric could somehow seep into my bloodstream go to my brain and cause an imbalance...Can actually laugh at it now but back then was quite frightening

2)Thought i contracted HIv Via getting blood on my finger..Dr said i was delusional as she said i believed it 100% despite evidence to the contrary...Started getting weird thoughts that i had then contracted it from a public phone...I once saw a broken needle on the floor convinced myself the hiv had gone into the air and i breathed it in...Which dosent make sense as i was convinced i already had it so how can u "Re get it" Also u cant get Hiv like that

3)Was scared to walk on grass as feared magic mushrooms there would seep into my blood stream and thus make me go mad

4)Feared spontaneous combustion from getting a bath..Told a Dr about this and the look was priceless lol Concocted this theory of atoms colliding inside my body and causing me to combust

 

I could go on with the bizzare obsessions...I noticed that most of them involved contamination which i believe is my central OCD theme,however i've not anyone with ocd who has the Bizzare element to there obsessions..I've had group therapy and met lots of folks with Ocd yet they had the stereotypical thoughts most assosociate with ocd...I remember thinking that the terminator was after me,i remember thinking snipers could be on rooftops etc Yet i didnt believe them 100% which is what i believe separates them from true delusions and puts them more on the obsessional side of things..Pretty much every Psyche i've seen has gone straight to Antipsychotics as treatment rather than high dose Antidepressant and one Psyche told me that my treatment plan must Consist of Antidepressants +Antipsychotics so i've always wondered if they see a bit more to my OCD than i do....Anyways i'm rambling now..Just hoping someone out there with OCD can relate to any thing i'm saying as i've yet to meet one...Theres got to be someone out there ??

[CeremonyNewOrder]

I think the fact that you know the delusions are your ocd shows that you have ocd and are not psychotic. However, antipsychotics can sometimes be used to treat ocd especially if antidepressants fail. You can have very delusional ocd symptoms. A hospital pdoc even told me that extreme OCD can come with psychotic symptoms. 

[GrannyG81]

@CeremonyNewOrder Yeah i've always had an insight into the obsessions even though at times the thoughts have become that overwhelming it felt momentarily delusional...But i know "true" delusions dont work like that..It was more a depersonalization caused by the extreme anxiety....I'm just on the look out for someone with Ocd who gets this bizzare content with there obsessions..Most if not all of the ocd folks i've met all had the sterotypical Ocd behaviours/Thoughts...I think what i've had are whats called over valued ideas...

 

[ocdeb]

I mean, I think it's just part of the deal.  Doesn't seem like it would fall into a psychotic category.  Doc sounds a bit.. Idkb harsh? Insensitive?  Unfamiliar?  

 

I think it's really hard for people without this disorder to grasp what we experience.  If you are so overwhelmed by fear, it's easy to start believing the the stuff your brain comes up with it.  We can be very convincing in our delusional details.

My best example for you right now is how I cannot order food from any sort of Uber, grubhub, etc.  I am afraid they've poisoned the food.  I can go into great detail as to why and how they might do it, while the people around me assure me that (for whatever reasonnthey didn't.)  At this point I know it's irrational and delusional, but it still comes up.   I have thought it fell into like a paranoid schizophrenic type category but.. I mean these categories are so broad and our illnesses are misunderstood greatly.

I think they need.to up the talk therapy portion, make it more intensive.  Incorporate other aspects of treatment like maybe Craniosacral therapy? We have got to find ways to get to our core issues.  Topping this shit off with drug after drug is getting us nowhere.  

[Blahblah]

Perhaps this is something that falls along the gray "spectrum" ? I hear more often these days that disorders are not black & white. People can have symptoms of a disorder without actually meeting all of the criteria. I believe that psychotics or schizophrenics fully believe their delusions, so the fact that you have rational insight (to me) means that it is not full psychosis.

How often do you experience this and for how long? Does anxiety trigger it? Could be transient delusions, but seems you typically have insight, despite how terrifying your thoughts/obsessions are. I have also heard that extreme anxiety, complex trauma or OCD can cause paranoia and delusional type thoughts like this. Is it tied to mood (like schizo-affective?) Maybe subconsciously, you are dealing with fear/anxiety that manifests in this way?

From what I understand, OCD (particularly obsessions related to health anxiety or contamination issues) is quite common.

Edited September 15, 2020 by Blahblah

[GrannyG81]

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

I mean, I think it's just part of the deal.  Doesn't seem like it would fall into a psychotic category.  Doc sounds a bit.. Idkb harsh? Insensitive?  Unfamiliar

I agree i believe it falls more along the obsessional category..I have however in my notes seen one psychiatrist put "Evidence of acute psychotic symptoms" This was more related to when i was severley depressed..

 

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

I think it's really hard for people without this disorder to grasp what we experience.

Agreed 100% I've always said that..OCD is seen as this quirky gimmicky disorder..How many times do folk claim to be a "Bit OCD" because they like there socks to match colour or they love to clean..These are more perfectionistic traits..OCD is literally a nightmere..Having your brain bombarded with the most grotesque thoughts over and over ..And then the emotions that come with it..Guilt,Shame disgust...It was called the doubting disease and i can see why..Its like you literally cannot trust your own brain...A very complex illness..i've read somewere that OCD is on the list of the top 10 most debilitating illnesses..

 

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

I am afraid they've poisoned the food.

I've had similar thoughts/ideas....I've tagged the quote twice and cant delete it..

 

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

 

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

  If you are so overwhelmed by fear, it's easy to start believing the the stuff your brain comes up with it.  We can be very convincing in our delusional details

Agreed again

 

12 hours ago, ocdeb said:

I have thought it fell into like a paranoid schizophrenic type category

I used to have a fear of becoming psychotic..It was terrifying..Every single day on and on and on ..When i used to get depersonalization due to anxiety i was convinced i was going psychotic....Scary times...

Thanks for your imput much appreciated

[GrannyG81]

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Perhaps this is something that falls along the gray "spectrum"

Possibly...In my notes theres alsorts of things going back over the years...Things like Psychotic symptoms..self referential ideas so maybe your right..Maybe its possible to have traits of other MI yet not the full disorder..

 

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

How often do you experience this and for how long? Does anxiety trigger it

I get the bizzare thoughts regular to be honest...If i'm feeling pretty chilled not anxious they dont bother me..Its when they are fueled by anxiety mostly depersonalization that they become really overwhelming...My last episode of depression some years back i got serverly depressed and paranoid..Thats when i had these ideas of the terminator looking for me..Terrifying even though i didnt fully believe it..I had to sleep with the light on,thought i could hear low level voices/noises...Thought i could feel presences in the room..I was in a bad place..

 

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I have also heard that extreme anxiety, complex trauma or OCD can cause paranoia and delusional type thoughts like this

Yes i've heard similar..These thoughts i believe are more related to what they call "Over valued ideas"..OCD also has a insight factor with good insight at the start and Delsuional at the other..I believe when i'm not good i can fall along the middle possibly..

 

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Is it tied to mood (like schizo-affective?)

No...I've always been diagnosed along the anxious/obsessional scale..Always been told that i'm not psychotic...Was told I had treatment resistant depression/Reccurant....In my notes it says Mixed depression/Anxiety....In my very early notes it says Clinical depression..I think a lot of it depends on how you are at the time of seeing the Psyche as my diagnosis although is all pretty much OCD/OCPD my depression and other features have changed depending on which psyche i saw

Thanks for the imput..Always appreciate folks feedback

Edited September 15, 2020 by GrannyG81

[Complicated toad]

I relate to some of it.  I had the HIV obsession for a while many years ago, I became afraid to eat fruit because I worried someone might be running around the store injecting produce with diseased blood.  It sounds absurd now but at the time it seemed real.

I have also thought I was being stalked by an evil entity and felt its "presence." I had lights on in the middle of the night and kept hearing footsteps around me.  

 To sum it up, I have wondered the exact same thing, is it OCD in its strongest state or is it psychosis.  I really don't know either.  I have not talked with any provider about these scenarios because I am embarrassed they will think I am weird.

[jarn]

I've not been formally dx'd with OCD (one pdoc said I had it but it was just a part of my overall larger MI and didn't need a separate dx - a psychologist and my current pdoc say I would qualify for a formal dx except it doesn't cause me distress) - but anyways, I have OCD symptoms.  

I have what someone here referred to as psychotic preoccupations - some people have said (violent thoughts) they were OCD and I wouldn't act on them, but current pdoc says because they don't cause me distress (if anything they're calming), they fall somewhere on an OCD/psychotic spectrum.  

Which is just to say, I think there aren't always neat buckets to fall into (not for everyone, anyways), and so maybe you have APs as well as ADs because of that?

[GrannyG81]

8 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I relate to some of it.  I had the HIV obsession for a while many years ago,

I had this obsession for a good couple of years..Even though now it dont bother me its still there in the back of mind...For example if i were to see a used needle on the floor i would get the "What if" Thoughts.What if i stood on it without realising etc But they dont have the same impact like they used to..I dont think folks understand that even after you "Over come" a particular OCD theme Like Hiv in this instance its almost like it leaves a mental imprint of scar..Just because it dont have a hold on a person like it used to it still lurks in the background..

 

8 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

It sounds absurd now but at the time it seemed real.

Dont sound abusrd at all...Seriously..

I thought i got Hiv from getting some blood on my finger at work..And then would have this fear that i got it off phones/door handles etc not realising that if i thought i already had it..Why would it bother me touching door handles etc as u cant "Re get it"...Very confusing..I had alsorts of bizzare ways in which i thought i cought it and yes even though absurd they felt extremely real at the time..Plus i felt so much guilt towards people who do have Hiv....I felt like i was adding to the stigma..Really bad times

8 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

To sum it up, I have wondered the exact same thing, is it OCD in its strongest state or is it psychosis

I think maybe OCD in its strongest form..On the OCD spectrum at the far extreme end OCD can actually become delusional..I'll find some extracts and post them

 

8 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I have not talked with any provider about these scenarios because I am embarrassed they will think I am weird

I've thought similar..I just try to remember that they have probably heard it all before..Its there job to hear the crazy things we come out with..I even used to try make it comical ..In that i used to imagine my doc going through regular routines with regular patients treating regular ailments etc and then i come in chirping on about how i've contracted hiv from a phone..How i've devised this idea about combusting in the bath lol and all the other crazies on my mind..It used to take the embarrasement out of it in some ways as i imagined the doc after i've left shaking there head wondering what on earth just went on there lol It probably makes there day a little more interesting listening to some of the stuff we come out with lol..I could be wrong just my way of coping it 

Thanks for your feedback

[GrannyG81]

8 hours ago, jarn said:

Which is just to say, I think there aren't always neat buckets to fall into (not for everyone, anyways), and so maybe you have APs as well as ADs because of that?

Totally agree...The way my mind works is i understand things better if theres a label there...Not just in mental health but life in general...

Say i take my car to the garage and the mechanic says well.." There seems to be some gas leaking here and it could be that the the metal has eroded or maybe its down to this ring here that has slipped off"

To me that would be fuzzy language  and would frustrate me no end were as if mechanic b said " Your exhaust has broke you need a new one" I can handle that as i know what the problem is...Mechanic A would have me guessing the issue...Hope that makes sense..Thats just how my mind works

I do understand mental health is not the same but i do get frustrated in the same way...If i'm told i "Over think" i see that as fuzzy language..Were as if i'm told i'm "Obsessive" i now know the problem...

When i got told i had OCD i thought atleast i now know what i'm up against and similar when i get another Diagnosis of OCPD ..Were as i've had professionals in the past tell me i had "Low mood" etc which is then open to interpretation were as when i got told i had "Depression" i understood that entirely...I dont know if theirs a name for this type of thinking...Maybe its a form of black and white or maybe rigid thinking...I just know my mind works in this mechanical kind of way that understands things when theirs a direct kind of answer to my problems whether that be Via labels to problems etc...Hope this makes sense..I have this horrible obsessive trait that makes me think i'm not explaining things properly..Most folks tell me they understand me perfectly well yet i still have this nagging doubt that i'm not...

Yes i think thats why AP aswell as AD maybe due to the paranoid/Bizzare content that underlies my obsessions...

Thanks for your feedback

[Complicated toad]

There is a book.about OCD called "the Man Who Couldn't Stop" and he opens the book describing his own HIV fear obsession and it's pretty much what we've been describing.  The book goes into some other topics related to the disorder, it's a good read.  If anything, I put it down with a feeling that I am not as weird as I always thought I was, and a lot of my inner turmoil is because of the disorder, which somehow made it easier to stomach.

[Blahblah]

On 9/15/2020 at 12:22 PM, GrannyG81 said:

Things like Psychotic symptoms..self referential ideas so maybe your right..Maybe its possible to have traits of other MI yet not the full disorder..

I get the bizzare thoughts regular to be honest...If i'm feeling pretty chilled not anxious they dont bother me..Its when they are fueled by anxiety mostly depersonalization that they become really overwhelming...My last episode of depression some years back i got serverly depressed and paranoid..Thats when i had these ideas of the terminator looking for me..Terrifying even though i didnt fully believe it..I had to sleep with the light on,thought i could hear low level voices/noises...Thought i could feel presences in the room..I was in a bad place..

Yes i've heard similar..These thoughts i believe are more related to what they call "Over valued ideas"..OCD also has a insight factor with good insight at the start and Delsuional at the other..I believe when i'm not good i can fall along the middle possibly..

No...I've always been diagnosed along the anxious/obsessional scale..Always been told that i'm not psychotic...Was told I had treatment resistant depression/Reccurant....In my notes it says Mixed depression/Anxiety....In my very early notes it says Clinical depression..I think a lot of it depends on how you are at the time of seeing the Psyche as my diagnosis although is all pretty much OCD/OCPD my depression and other features have changed depending on which psyche i saw

Thanks for the imput..Always appreciate folks feedback

I had never heard of "over valued ideas" that is very interesting, and never thought it could be more of an OCD or obsessional-type symptom. Long ago I had a terrifying delusional-paranoia type episode which landed me in the hospital. I always had severe depression & anxiety, but they said that psychotic break was possibly more connected to CPTSD, schizoaffective, or Bipolar.  But it wasn't like mania...no delusions of "grandeur" no impulsive or reckless behavior, no racing speech or thought. Delusions, but no hallucinations, no voices.

I had the "self-referential ideas" when you become very self-absorbed & everything has some deeper meaning for you personally? Heavy deja vu type feelings, seeing signs. odd feelings that people could hear my thoughts, i could sense the suffering of others. You start to read passages of a book and feel like it's meant for you to read? A series on tv is sort of "talking to you." Health anxiety also, asked for an MRI, thought I had brain swelling from a viral infection or tumor. It was something I'd never wish on anyone. I imagine it would be something like a nightmare LSD trip that you could not wake up from.

Edited September 17, 2020 by Blahblah

[GrannyG81]

5 hours ago, Blahblah said:

I had the "self-referential ideas" when you become very self-absorbed & everything has some deeper meaning for you personally? Heavy deja vu type feelings, seeing signs. odd feelings that people could hear my thoughts, i could sense the suffering of others.

I relate to this...Especially "I could sense the suffering of others" Your the first person i've come across that describes a symptom i had yet could not put into words...I remember trying to explain this to a pdoc..I cant remember how i worded it because i couldnt explain it...I think i said it felt somewhat i could think of someone and and what ever i felt was what they were feeling and it was normally not pleasent..I remember him stopping me midway and asking what i ment..I must of worded it in a way that give him suspicion that i was suffering some mental health symptom just by how stopped me and asked what i ment..I always thought it was some empath sort of thing? Who knows..I still get it...

Deja vu i get regular..

Seeing signs.....Yep those too

The problem is i do believe the universe gives us signs..My beliefs are somewhat in line with buddhism..Not that i'm buddhist but i do believe we are the universe etc and that it does communicate with us...

Maybe theres a threshold were these beliefs at there normal level are completly acceptable..Bit like a Christian who believes in god yet at there extreme level they become a delusion of such..So instead of a christian believing in god they now believe they "Are" god and as such believe they have special powers etc.....Thanks for the reply  you are the first person to put into words something i struggled to....Thanks for that

[jarn]

On 9/16/2020 at 5:41 AM, GrannyG81 said:

Totally agree...The way my mind works is i understand things better if theres a label there...Not just in mental health but life in general...

Say i take my car to the garage and the mechanic says well.." There seems to be some gas leaking here and it could be that the the metal has eroded or maybe its down to this ring here that has slipped off"

To me that would be fuzzy language  and would frustrate me no end were as if mechanic b said " Your exhaust has broke you need a new one" I can handle that as i know what the problem is...Mechanic A would have me guessing the issue...Hope that makes sense..Thats just how my mind works

 

I'm with you.  I have a very fuzzy dx and it drives me nuts.  Maybe because I'm in Canada and I don't need X diagnosis for insurance purposes?  I honestly don't know how it works here.  But it bothers me to no end.