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TW sex talk and rape

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I was raped and I guess it harmed me somewhat, or maybe more than I tend to think. Because I’ve been trying to kill anything sexual in me feelings wise ever since. (REMOVED TMI)  I never want to feel aroused ever again. How do I destroy my arousal feelings for good?

Edited by Wonderful.Cheese

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I'm sorry you experienced that Cheese.  It's an awful thing, I am also a survivor of rape.

Have you done any therapy about this?  I did some trauma therapy when my rapist (ex) was arrested, and I found it helped somewhat.  Does your current tdoc have any trauma experience?

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I can identify with this. I have PTSD from being sexually assaulted. I had to accept that sexuality is part of being human. I can choose not to engage in sexual activities if I don't want to. A lot of sexual activities are triggering for me. But I had to accept that being sexually aroused is a normal biological function. 

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I hope whoever did that to you is in prison picking up the soap, and maybe gaining some understanding of what it is they did. He probably isn't though, given the statistics. I haven't experienced anything like that, and I can only say some meaningless words which hopefully sound sympathetic but probably aren't enough.

Destroying feelings though, now that is something I understand. It's generally the good feelings too. I'm maybe not as bad as I used to be but when someone liked me it used to make me feel awful. They don't like me because I'm shit and they're lying or they're going to let me down in some way. I mean I was lonely as fuck but anyone trying to talk to me made me feel depressed and full of self loathing. Try to kill all desire for human interaction. People are shit and I don't care. Yay misanthropy! Probably my upbringing, turned me into the ol' proverbial hedgehog - afraid of getting close for fear of being hurt or of hurting another hedgehog. I don't want to be as mistrustful and cold and lacking in affection as my parents were, but I've still often tried to kill any sort of feeling for people, because they'll only let you down and you don't deserve affection anyway.

I know it's not quite the same thing. Although it is in some ways. Something which should be good has become shit and frightening due to what you've been through.

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Cheese - I understand that the distress you experience when feelings of arousal link back to thoughts of your trauma make you want to cut off those feelings of arousal. I despise my own feelings of arousal for different reasons, but the principle is the same - the feelings cause me to experience a distressing set of thought processes, so I wish those feelings would disappear entirely.

The problem is, they're not going to disappear. Those feelings of arousal are baked in to being human; they're part of you. Without them, you wouldn't be a human being. So struggling to try to eliminate them will a) fail to succeed as a means of dealing with the original trauma; and b) cause you additional mental distress because you're attempting to invalidate a natural, and functional, part of yourself as a biological entity.

The solution, rather, is to work with a therapist to place the trauma into proper context and perspective with regard to your healthy sexuality. What happened to you was not a part of that healthy sexuality, which you can, and should, still have. The trauma must be viewed in isolation as a quite different and fundamentally unrelated kind of experience, because the intimate nature of the violation causes confusion in the mind between healthy and unhealthy associations. A therapist will be able to help you make the distinction between the two, and set up boundaries in your thinking that allow you to experience normal feelings of arousal without automatically associating them with negative events.

It is probably going to take some hard work on your part - it seems a lot easier to just try to turn off the arousal and thus shut off the traumatic memory it conjures, but that actually doesn't resolve the underlying issue for you. It just hides it behind a curtain. I do hope you'll talk to someone about it, as difficult as that may be.

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Cerb makes a good point, Chee. Have you ever had therapy specifically designed for sexual assault victims? It isn’t the same as garden variety “Tell me about your mother” therapy.

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