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Why do we do "splitting"?


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I have to write a self reflection thing regarding defense mechanisms and I'm thinking about "splitting" . Anyone can do it. I do it a lot. It's very hard for me to hold in my mind that someone can be good and bad at the same time.. including me, I'm either fantastic or I'm terrible. When my partner is annoying me I hate his guts, it's very hard to feel love for him at these times, that goes for everyone I love. Then when he is annoyed at me it is devastating because i feel like he despises me at those times, and I can't handle that. He asks me to clean a dish and i choke, I'm so upset I can't breathe, he hates me and my world is ending

It's normal for toddlers, you take them to kindergarden and they hate you, despise you for getting them up in the morning, but then they adore you again when it's time to go home. Some of us don't lose this... I can't figure out how it benefits us though.. why do i still do this, what's the pay off for me? Why can't people be ok? Me included . Even if there is no pay off anymore, what WAS the pay off for the toddler? How was this a defense? I just can't handle a chaotic world, is that it?

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As part or my upper level psychopathology class at undergrad, my semester-long project involved splitting and how to address it when problematic (typically using DBT). This is not a statement of qualification by any means, I was just jogging my own memory. 
 

supposedly, splitting defends against uncomfortable complicated feelings for someone/something because if something goes wrong it is much easier to cast that person/thing away as all bad (or all at fault) rather than accept the complexity of a situation where the person with BPD may be at fault, since acknowledging this can cause negative or painful emotions. In other words splitting helps because it creates an “out” to easily shift all negative things onto the other party.

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That makes a lot of sense, and I guess when I am splitting in the other direction, thinking the person is wonderful and perfect, it's because
1. I need them to be
2. I can't allow myself not to like them completely, just in case that means being alone and unloved again
3. maybe part of me thinks it's not ok to think they are imperfect, that i'd be betraying them

Edited by Antecedent
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44 minutes ago, Antecedent said:

That makes a lot of sense, and I guess when I am splitting in the other direction, thinking the person is wonderful and perfect, it's because
1. I need them to be
2. I can't allow myself not to like them completely, just in case that means being alone and unloved again
3. maybe part of me thinks it's not ok to think they are imperfect, that i'd be betraying them

 

could it have something to do with if the person is perfect, there is no reason to have to worry about problems in the relationship? like it allows someone to look over a persons flaws and not have to worry about bad outcomes as much? 

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yeah if they are perfect then the relationship will be fine and everything will work out

It also means I can jump rapidly between blaming them for every single problem and blaming myself for every single problem and at no point feel like it's 50/50 even though I know in my head that's what a healthy way of thinking would be

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