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Nothing has worked. Every drug I’ve tried makes things worse. I hate being alive. There’s just anxiety
I can’t kill myself as it would destroy my kids and wife’s lives. But other than that preventive factor I don’t see the point 

I don’t understand how people cope. 
 

what keeps you motivated?

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18 hours ago, Alexander search said:

Nothing has worked. Every drug I’ve tried makes things worse. I hate being alive. There’s just anxiety
I can’t kill myself as it would destroy my kids and wife’s lives. But other than that preventive factor I don’t see the point 

I don’t understand how people cope. 
 

what keeps you motivated?

If you feel comfortable sharing--Are anxiety and depression the main things you're trying to treat?

Also, if you feel comfortable sharing, what meds have you tried?

Coping is not easy for me, personally.......I do have family members and friends that are supportive.....I know it's not easy, but I think as long as I'm alive, there is hope.......Do you have a therapist you can talk to?

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Anxiety, depression , very bad ocd, irritability & anger. 
 

ive tried every SSRI & SNRI. Currently on pregabalin, citalopram & diazepam. 
 

not long completed a second CBT course. Psych wants to try a low antipsychotic but I’m extremely wary as I’m struggling with weight & have ongoing gastrointestinal problems(gastroparesis) made worse by being overweight. 
 

ive been under psychiatric supervision since I was 9. I’m now 48. - but I function. I run a business with my wife. But underneath it’s always been the same. 
 

I think I’m tired now of it. The only reason I’m still here is because of the devastation I’d leave behind

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15 hours ago, Alexander search said:

Anxiety, depression , very bad ocd, irritability & anger. 
 

ive tried every SSRI & SNRI. Currently on pregabalin, citalopram & diazepam. 
 

not long completed a second CBT course. Psych wants to try a low antipsychotic but I’m extremely wary as I’m struggling with weight & have ongoing gastrointestinal problems(gastroparesis) made worse by being overweight. 
 

ive been under psychiatric supervision since I was 9. I’m now 48. - but I function. I run a business with my wife. But underneath it’s always been the same. 
 

I think I’m tired now of it. The only reason I’m still here is because of the devastation I’d leave behind

Many people can take low doses of antipsychotic without substantial effect on weight. Neither abilify or rexulti, two of the most common for depression, changed my weight at low doses 

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29 minutes ago, Iceberg said:

Many people can take low doses of antipsychotic without substantial effect on weight. Neither abilify or rexulti, two of the most common for depression, changed my weight at low doses 

Perhaps I should give it a try

did they help?

 

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17 hours ago, Alexander search said:

 

Perhaps I should give it a try

did they help?

 

Well I was using them for bipolar, so I’m not sure my experience exactly aligns with your situation. I was in horrible shape when I tried abilify and I don’t think anything would have worked. Rexulti lifted me a little after starting for bipolar depression. There is definitely evidence for using them as a “next step” in depression when the first line tries dont work. Abilify and rexulti are the ones I’d look at first, but there are others like seroquel and some used off label less frequently (like Vraylar) 

curious- I know you said all the SSRI and SNRI but does that include bupropion, mirtazapine and trintellix? 

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16 hours ago, Iceberg said:

Well I was using them for bipolar, so I’m not sure my experience exactly aligns with your situation. I was in horrible shape when I tried abilify and I don’t think anything would have worked. Rexulti lifted me a little after starting for bipolar depression. There is definitely evidence for using them as a “next step” in depression when the first line tries dont work. Abilify and rexulti are the ones I’d look at first, but there are others like seroquel and some used off label less frequently (like Vraylar) 

curious- I know you said all the SSRI and SNRI but does that include bupropion, mirtazapine and trintellix? 

They don’t prescribe bupropion in the uk, except I think short term for quitting smoking. 
 

Mirtazapine, trazodone, clomipramine and reboxetine were tried as well. All gave me either paresthesia or insomnia. I seem to have become sensitive to side effects unlike my early twenties. 
 

I’ll ask the doc about trintellix. 
 

thanks for answering

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For what it's worth, I actually had a reduced appetite and lost weight on Abilify, and it helped with depression symptoms.   Trintillex also helped a little and no other SSRI's have done me any good.  The cost for both was a barrier for me, but I am in the US and my insurance won't pay for squat so you might have better luck.

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Pregabalin is a major factor in weight management for me. I’m on 600mg & can just about control my urge to binge. As soon as something else is added to the pot my appetite goes through the roof. I’d drop pregabalin if it weren’t so effective at managing intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t stop the frequency of them but it does stop the intensity of them. Whereas things would hang around on average for 2 weeks , pregabalin drops it to about 3 days. Helps calm me too.  It’s tricky.  
 

I know most of us here are in a similar boat

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I was depressed from childhood on. I took so many meds. Finally on abilify and lamotrigine combo and not depressed in a long time. I will say that I probably had some unrecognized bipolar issues although I felt depressed throughout those times. At any rate I had been told some people are just depressed and treatment resistant and was offered ECT, which I declined. Nothing worked until this and honestly it feels like a miracle. So I tell people in case anyone else can benefit somehow. Also abilify hasn’t affected my weight or appetite. I still have weight issues but not any worse. Actually I had been on abilify plus some AD and it did help somewhat but for some reason I didn’t like the idea of it or some such thing. I hope it’s helpful to you. I was into my 50’s before my depression got treated right, if that helps. 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/9/2021 at 3:51 PM, Alexander search said:

what keeps you motivated?

nothing. i used to be suicidal too, and maybe i still am, but the meds artificially inflate my mood so i am just on the verge of being functional. i completely understand how you feel about medication not working, i went through that too.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/2/2021 at 1:26 AM, esmerinhell said:

nothing. i used to be suicidal too, and maybe i still am, but the meds artificially inflate my mood so i am just on the verge of being functional. i completely understand how you feel about medication not working, i went through that too.

Im functioning on pregabalin, valium & citalopram. but i worry about benzo-withdrawal if/when they take me off it. If i could end things without leaving behind a trail of destruction id do it

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1 hour ago, Alexander search said:

Im functioning on pregabalin, valium & citalopram. but i worry about benzo-withdrawal if/when they take me off it. If i could end things without leaving behind a trail of destruction id do it

Is your doctor aware of how acute your symptoms are? 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 1/10/2021 at 9:13 AM, Alexander search said:

ive tried every SSRI & SNRI.

Does that include the MRI Effexor (venlafaxane)? I’ve battled treatment-resistant Double Depression for nearly 40 years and Effexor was the only thing that ever really laid a glove on it for most of that time until it finally wore itself out on me just this last year.

You might speak to your pdoc about a trial of low-dose Adderall as an adjunct to your antidepressant. You might also ask whether off-label prescription of buproprion is a possibility - right now, the combination of that and Adderall is what’s keeping my head above water. Together, they’re probably acting on norepinephrine and dopamine, since serotonin does not appear to be my problem - no SSRI ever did diddly for me.

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I had good luck with Seroquel XR for depression, and it was pretty weight-neutral. I think it would have been more so if I had not been taking it at the same time as Lexapro, and if I had been more careful and made more of an effort. Immediate release Seroquel is emphatically not weight-neutral.

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  • 1 month later...
On 1/10/2021 at 7:51 AM, Alexander search said:

Nothing has worked. Every drug I’ve tried makes things worse. I hate being alive. There’s just anxiety
I can’t kill myself as it would destroy my kids and wife’s lives. But other than that preventive factor I don’t see the point 

I don’t understand how people cope. 
 

what keeps you motivated?

I feel the same so often. I’ve tried everything and nothing has worked in all these decades. I have a husband and two little ones I have to be present for. It’s hard.

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