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was mean, felt bad, made me think


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i was in an office supply store and the girl at the cash register asked me 3x's if i wanted to join such and such.  after the 3rd time, i snapped at her, meanly.

started backtracking, saying i know you are supposed to say things like that.  knew i was wrong.  actually looked up for the first time at who was helping me and it was a youngish girl, not ugly/pretty, and I saw her eyes.  it looked like she was about to cry. i felt awful.  said something and then with all of my heart i was like "i'm sorry.  you know its not you, its me.  i am so, so sorry." (which is kinda obvious, so i felt kind of dumb).  she kinda nodded her head and then quickly sat down on a stool as i was leaving.

(wish i had said something like "nobody deserves to be treated that way.  i truly believe that, but my actions don't reflect it."

anyway, she reminded me of someone who might have a mental illness or is very shy or something.  i have snapped at people in stores a lot of times.  pre-bp.  not so much bp until then.  maybe my attitude came because i felt like i was so much more than someone working behind a counter making minimum wage (probably not).  or maybe he/she was just an easy target to take my day out on

(most likely).

i just know that it wasn't fair of me to dump on someone.  this is not standard practice with me now, so when it happened it really opened my eyes.  i do not know what current situation a person is in.  she could be schizophrenic with her first job and then i knock her down a step or two.  i don't want to make a person's life any harder than it is.  even people who are assholes are like that because they are lacking something in their life or childhood.

oh well, just thought i would share.  hope i didn't hurt her.

Kathryn

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I agree we need to try to control ourselves. Our BP nature sometimes makes that hard though. We hold it in and control it for so long, and then kind of snap. I think that BP or no BP, most people would either get very annoyed or snap. Look at how people react to telemarketers!

If she was asking you to join all this stuff, one way to handle it could have been "I am not interested in joining anything. Please do not ask me to join anything else". But some people don't know when to give up and don't get body language. If you were dealing with a young person, that could be why. Lack of experience with people.

Don't get all hard on yourself though. We all snap, even "normal" people when faced with annoying pests.

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Think of it this way--you might be the only person the entire day who spoke to her as a PERSON, who looked in her eyes and realized she was more than an extension of the cash register.  I'll bet other people had snapped at her that day--you gave her the gift of an apology and recognition as a person.

Way to go--I think you did good.

Love, china

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I think you did an amazing thing, realizing what you did was wrong, when feeling annoyed. People snap like that all the time. I've worked at the cash register and deli part time since I could basically work legally. It is rare that I get a sorry out of anyone. If I do, it's because I prove them wrong, I get a sorry, but they are still anrgy/irriated (I can understand, if I'm proved wrong, I feel annoyed too).

Like Chinacat says, any comment that makes us feel human is loved. Once, somebody laughed, and said they were amazed that I had a personality, and was a real person. That made my day. Sometimes, we (some people) tend to think of workers as less than people. But same goes from me, sometimes, customers can be less then people. I can snap at them too, subtley, though, when I am in a bad mood. I am thinking as I look at each person "you should be thankful I am here today, because I want to be dead, and you don't even care". This thinking attitude can show up in the way I handle people.

I try to think of how customers might feel. One might have social anxiety, like myself, or depression, and feel guilty for interupting me. If I talk rudely with them, then that only reinforces that. I know for myself, being served by someone that seems happy to be there is great, because I feel less guilty for having to interact with them. Also, when customers say I'm doing a good job (rare), it really does improve my mood for a bit, which makes me work better too.

Anyway, I think you did the right thing. And you never know who the gril was. Maybe schizophrenic on her first job, or maybe a shallow girl who doesn't care about anyone else. Who knows?

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