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Barely hanging on...hospital tomorrow?


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Jill, it's not you.  It's the BP and f'd up meds. 

If going to the hospital will keep you safe, then go. 

You are not a loser.  You just need to get your brain chemicals better in check.

Med changes -- especially drastic ones -- can be hell.

Sometimes it's just better to go through it all when your in a safe place.

If you do go, don't feel bad. 

If you don't go -- stay safe.  Remember that it's the BP that's screwed up and it will get better.

Peace.

Sandy

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Aww jill your gonna be allright you just pack your favorite jammies and a robe and you relax til you are stabilized. Sleep it away and let the dr's take care of you. calm down, there are people in there that feel just like you. You are NOT a loser, you need the right medicine so you can get well and that makes you a survivor, like all of us here, go thru hell, come out as survivors

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"But what if it is me? Really. Seriously. What if I'm just not compatible with life? I Oh, God, I can't stop crying. And the anxiety disorders I have (every single one you can think of) are so severe, but they can't be treated because they do bad things to the bipolar. I just want to die."

Okay, seriously -- It can't just be you.

Cuz if it's you, it'd have to be the rest of us too.

I think all of us have been where you are.

I've been there more often than not lately.

You can get through this.  You can survive.

Please call your pdoc or go to the hospital if you need to.

If you just need a place to be until the anxiety subsides a bit,

stay on the boards.

Sandy

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hey, the doctors would tell you if it is hopeless, and its NOT.

You understand that when things get too complicated the hospital can be a refuge and the right place to do significant med changes.

Like secrets said, pack some familar comforting things, and remember that things will get better.

A.M>

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I know it must feel like you are the only one who has ever been here before, but it just ain't so. You are not the problem. Your head is just giving you a really hard time right now. And in the hospital, you have people who can help you regulate that. The pressure will be off of you, and you simply need to get better.

I agree, take some music if you can, and some things you like and just try and relax. This way, you won't be wondering if you have taken the right thing at the right time. They will do all that for you.

Take care. I know you are scared, but you will be back before you know it.

Be looking for you.

Breeze

Edit to add: just read your med list. I see why they want to do this in a controled setting. It's not like you are just a hopeless case, they want to make sure it is done where they know what they did when. You'll be ok.

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Why do I have to keep going to the hospital? What's wrong with me? That's why I think the problem lies within in me, and nothing in the world can change that.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is classic anxiety. As I like to say "the dish is running away with the spoon." You are left with nothing but worry because you don't understand what is going on. I know this feeling. It will pass.

It's weird; it's like issues that would normally just annoy me or cause me to experience a tad of anxiety are now causing me to experience full-blown panic attacks that nearly cause me to throw up. My life now is just one huge effort not to barf.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have been here too. And actually, if you can? Go for a walk tomorrow. Get someone to go with you. Brisk walk, arms and legs swinging. This will help tremendously if even for just 10 minutes. Trust me. I have this happen too and walking just a bit, can make a huge difference.

I have to sign off, but I'll be thinking of you.

Breeze

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Baby steps. You will find meds to help. You will be able to get better. You just need time and assistance. Don't be hard on yourself. Baby steps.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's not normal to have such debilitating anxiety and depression.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It is not normal to have Diabetes either. This is not a case of you choosing to be this way it is a problem you must bear. It is not a defect of character. Don't blame yourself. And did I mention baby steps?

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I'm supposed the call the pdoc tonight and she's going to call me Monday. But I know I belong in the hospital. I'm out of my mind. But as I've been posting, I think the problem is me. I'm so anxious. Everything scares me. Everything. The slightest noise triggers a panic attack. . Something isn't right, unless this is how you're supposed to respond to life. And maybe I'm just screwed up beyond all hope. I'm allergic to most meds (even lithium), and extremely sensitive to side-effects. I can't stop crying. Thank you for responding to my post.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I too had a really hard time finding the right meds. It took a long time. I know how scary it is. I know how helpless you feel. I know how EVERYTHING can trigger you into a panic attack. SO been there done that.

And now I am writing to you and feel pretty good.

BUT - there is the right med for you. There is. Your p-doc just dosen't know what it is yet.

Me unmedicated = Basket Case. I cry very easily, jump out of my skin, and think that most everyone dislikes me. That isn't true for me. You either.

Maybe a hot bath? An extra klonopin for now? And some soothing music? Have anything that is nice on the ears without lyrics? This is ideal.

You could also try some focused breathing. Sit in a chair and focus only on your breathing. If a thought comes into your head, gently blow it away.

Somewhere you need to get some faith. Faith that this is happening for a reason, it has no reflection on your ability to handle life, and you will get better. I promise. You WILL get better.

Maybe get off of here for awhile and look for some nice music and try some breathing. If it doesn't work - come back. There is always someone here to talk to.

And maybe take another klonopin (or a half) if you are not drinking alcohol. Don't over do it, but it sounds like you could use a buffer right now.

Breeze

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Something isn't right, unless this is how you're supposed to respond to life

you're right, that's not how we are supposed to respond to life.  your disease is really messing you up & you have additional complicantions from med allergies.  it's not YOU; it's your bp.

going back into hospital doesn't mean YOU are a failure; it means your docs didn't get your meds right.  now they are having to do a rush job & you need to be somewhere safe.

and as for therapy making things worse, it sounds like your bp isn't stabilized enough for therapy to actually take hold & do anything benificial.  i am a big believer in therapy..identifying triggers and learning coping skills and such, but you have to be able to think well enough to do these things.

please, go to hospital, take soothing things with you & view it like you would surgery...let the docs do their work & you sit back & give them feedback on it.  then you heal up a bit from the experience, then you do the rehab stuff to get yourself up to normal.

please, don't give in to thinking that you're doomed.  it's way too soon to think that...you're still in an acute crisis, it needs more time & it really sucks that you are the one with this, but it's not your fault.

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Jill--I hope you can't read this because you're in the hospital--

Its not YOU--YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISEASE!!!  Part of the disease is that we all think like this at some time or other.  Its the disease, and you are so much more than just your disease.

I hope you are resting and that the hospital is a good one and that you have caring and competent help.  Chances are you will have all those things, and once the meds are set, you will feel like a new woman.

Hang in there, kiddo--

china

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Its not YOU--YOU ARE NOT YOUR DISEASE!!!  Part of the disease is that we all think like this at some time or other.  Its the disease, and you are so much more than just your disease.
Excuse my potty mouth, but when I get like this, where you're at--thinking it's all me and I'm inherently unfixable--I call that "my disease fucking me in my ear." But I can't see it, until I'm better and have some perspective. You are in that place where most if not all of us go to when something isn't working in our treatment program. You lose all perspective and blame yourself and the disease just has a field day wreaking havoc with your mind and emotions.

Hang in there! Keep posting, get to the hospital. It's gonna be alright, a bumpy ride, no doubt, but we've been through these and come out the other side. Don't listen to the disease, listen to us and your treatment team.

You are not alone--never alone here.

Hugs,

S9

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JB-

I'm here for you. You know, I've been in the hospital quite a lot, 4 times in 2 years, and 5 times in my life. Each time was for reasons beyond my control. You can't fix psychosis, mania, mixed states, or depression with emergency meds sometimes. Sometimes only an inpatient hospitalization is the place to get your meds in order. Remember, the hospital is a safe place for them to observe you and find a combo they feel comfortable and you feel comfortable going into the "real world" with.

December was a long while away in BP land. I was hospitalized in December. While I don't feel the need now, who knows what the future will hold?

Realize that whether we BPers choose to go to the hospital or not, we all have this illness, and it wipes us out. We're never the same. It doesn't go away. We can only be treated with meds and hope for the best. We can try all we can, but the bottom line is that there is no cure. Hospitalization is often the key for successful living. Don't ever be afraid to go there!

Try a longer hospitalization or a different hospital if you feel the last one was a waste. Try your best to participate fully, in both the activities and making decisions with your treatment team.

Best of wishes and brightest blessings. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Loon

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