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Hello,all.

So,just wondering,do any of you get ordered around by your OCD?

Some examples:"Take a sip of water.No don't take a sip of water." "Take a shower now.No don't take a shower now." "Check for your keys.No don't check for your keys...check for your keys!!!!!" (Then of course,for the sixth time I *have* to check for my keys.)

Also getting bizarre thoughts like,"I wish I had cancer.No I don't wish I had cancer."

It is so maddening and lately it just does not abate.As well,I have relapsed into anorexia and my OCD has utterly latched on to my eating disorder.I weigh myself constantly.I check my BMI online and record it.This is taking up a lot of my time.

Much to discuss with my pdoc on Thursday in that 50 minute hour which is always up too fast.

 

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I relate @gabagaba.   I experience the same thing.  Lately I've been paralyzed doing something as silly as getting ibuprofen tablets out of the bottle.  I tap a few in my hand, OCD says "No! Thats a bad one!"  So i put them back, shake up the bottle, repeat.  Maybe a few times.  I go through these ridiculous checking rituals every night so I can go to bed anxiety-free, yet the minute I start feeling relaxed and comfortable, OCD starts badgering me to get up and do more checking (grateful to live with heavy sleepers who don't notice how many times I keep get up and walk door to door). I go through the same cancer thoughts too.  

I no longer have eating issues but I remember the days of adding up calories over and over on calculator.  Its all very frustrating.  I hope your upcoming appointment goes well and you find a way to quiet OCD down.  It's an annoying loudmouth for sure.

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14 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

I relate @gabagaba.   I experience the same thing.  Lately I've been paralyzed doing something as silly as getting ibuprofen tablets out of the bottle.  I tap a few in my hand, OCD says "No! Thats a bad one!"  So i put them back, shake up the bottle, repeat.  Maybe a few times.  I go through these ridiculous checking rituals every night so I can go to bed anxiety-free, yet the minute I start feeling relaxed and comfortable, OCD starts badgering me to get up and do more checking (grateful to live with heavy sleepers who don't notice how many times I keep get up and walk door to door). I go through the same cancer thoughts too.  

I no longer have eating issues but I remember the days of adding up calories over and over on calculator.  Its all very frustrating.  I hope your upcoming appointment goes well and you find a way to quiet OCD down.  It's an annoying loudmouth for sure.

Oh.....So so sorry you can relate.It just creates such misery,doesn't it? I wonder what my mind could be occupied with if it was not ruled by these intrusive thoughts,these demands.

MY pdoc asked me how things were going with re starting chlorpromazine and I told him it has helped my anxiety level a lot (most days) but not my thoughts. Nothing seems to touch my OCD.

As for the weighing and BMI recording he basically told me he hoped another compulsion would take it's place since I am losing more and more weight and he is worried about me.

That is what my OCD does.It never dissipates away entirely.It mutates.So it's like any day now maybe I won't be at all concerned with my weight and then have some other new obsession and/or compulsion.

Thank you for your reply,and again I hate it that you are suffering with this as well.

I hope it gets better for you.

 

12 hours ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

As my therapist says, the OCD always wants complete control

Oh yes,your therapist is indeed so so right....

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10 hours ago, gabagaba said:

That is what my OCD does.It never dissipates away entirely.It mutates.So it's like any day now maybe I won't be at all concerned with my weight and then have some other new obsession and/or compulsion.

Thank you for your reply,and again I hate it that you are suffering with this as well.

I hope it gets better for you

Good way to describe - doesn't go away it just mutates.  Thanks for the kind words, after my first reply to you I thought it would be interesting to make a list of my compulsive behaviors and it was three pages when I was done.  And I realized today I missed one.  It gets tiring.  And hard to treat because I am fully aware it's irrational. I'm aware they are just thoughts, it's not real, but that doesn't help a bit.  Brain says "but what if" and off it goes...........

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4 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

Good way to describe - doesn't go away it just mutates.  Thanks for the kind words, after my first reply to you I thought it would be interesting to make a list of my compulsive behaviors and it was three pages when I was done.  And I realized today I missed one.  It gets tiring.  And hard to treat because I am fully aware it's irrational. I'm aware they are just thoughts, it's not real, but that doesn't help a bit.  Brain says "but what if" and off it goes...........

Ah yes,the dreaded "what if's".I will boil water for my coffee early in the morning,and then not use the stove at all for hours.When I leave my apartment though,I still have to check with each palm that it is off,and I say out loud,"Off and cold,off and cold.",even though I am rationally I know it had been  hours since I had used the stove.Then even when I am out I have tremendous "what if" anxiety that I did really leave it on,and it has caused a fire that has killed everyone in my building.

Speaking of fire,whenever a fire truck races by with sirens blaring I worry that it is headed for my building and that it was me who caused a fire somehow.

And it never ends.

In fact,my OCD starts assaulting my head pretty much as soon as I open my eyes in the morning....

 

Ack!

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10 hours ago, gabagaba said:

.When I leave my apartment though,I still have to check with each palm that it is off,and I say out loud,"Off and cold,off and cold.",even though I am rationally I know it had been  hours since I had used the stove.Then even when I am out I have tremendous "what if" anxiety that I did really leave it on,and it has caused a fire that has killed everyone in my building

Oh wow this is me, 100%.  I hate the stove.  I've snuck out of work in the middle of the day to go back home and check the stove and make sure the house didn't burn down.  I also touch the toaster oven and lamps with both hands and say things out loud to reassure myself I really checked them.  

I've been working from home because of the pandemic and I really dread going back and adding all those layers of anxiety on top of the ones I already have (did I lock the door, did I check the stove, did I leave something toxic out that my pets could find and ingest, did I turn off the sink, and on and on and on)

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2 hours ago, Complicated toad said:

Oh wow this is me, 100%.  I hate the stove.  I've snuck out of work in the middle of the day to go back home and check the stove and make sure the house didn't burn down.  I also touch the toaster oven and lamps with both hands and say things out loud to reassure myself I really checked them.  

I've been working from home because of the pandemic and I really dread going back and adding all those layers of anxiety on top of the ones I already have (did I lock the door, did I check the stove, did I leave something toxic out that my pets could find and ingest, did I turn off the sink, and on and on and on)

Oh I am so sorry.What torture that is!

I can relate to your fear about accidently hurting your pets.I had to let my precious kitty go a year ago,but for the 13 years he was in my life I was constantly afraid I would poison him somehow.After I took my meds I would have to wash my hands a few times before touching him because I was terrified that I would transmit the medication to him and he would die.

In the last year of his life he had diabetes and my OCD ran wild with that.I had to give him insulin twice a day and I was so scared I would give him too much.

My heart truly goes out to you.You should not have to be tormented and ruled by this illness...

 

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On 3/20/2021 at 1:10 AM, gabagaba said:

Ah yes,the dreaded "what if's".I will boil water for my coffee early in the morning,and then not use the stove at all for hours.>>>When I leave my apartment though,I still have to check with each palm that it is off,and I say out loud,"Off and cold,off and cold.",even though I am rationally I know it had been  hours since I had used the stove.Then even when I am out I have tremendous "what if" anxiety that I did really leave it on,and it has caused a fire that has killed everyone in my building.<<<

Speaking of fire,whenever a fire truck races by with sirens blaring I worry that it is headed for my building and that it was me who caused a fire somehow.

And it never ends.

In fact,my OCD starts assaulting my head pretty much as soon as I open my eyes in the morning....

 

Ack!

OMG can I relate to this! When I use a blow dryer, I not only have to unplug it, but I have to put it in the middle of the bathroom (tiled) floor. And check for heat. Because, you know, FIRE! I also always unplug appliances like toasters. And even then sometimes it isn’t enough. I’ve been known to flip the circuit breaker on occasion. Checking that doors are closed and locked is my other big one. I’ll check over and over and over and over and over and.... Even once I’ve left, after already checking a dozen times, I’ll often find myself having to head back home and check again, even if I’m nearly at my destination.

Edited by Goofball
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14 hours ago, Goofball said:

OMG can I relate to this! When I use a blow dryer, I not only have to unplug it, but I have to put it in the middle of the bathroom (tiled) floor. And check for heat. Because, you know, FIRE! I also always unplug appliances like toasters. And even then sometimes it isn’t enough. I’ve been known to flip the circuit breaker on occasion. Checking that doors are closed and locked is my other big one. I’ll check over and over and over and over and over and.... Even once I’ve left, after already checking a dozen times, I’ll often find myself having to head back home and check again, even if I’m nearly at my destination.

Oh I empathize.

My fear of starting a fire is a constant.It is one thing my OCD will not let go of.This one will not dissipate....

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