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my stupid reason


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so i know this will sound crazy, but hey i am crazy so i guess in a way that means it makes sense.

my ex dumped me two years ago, i loved him, he didnt love me, and even more so he didnt love my illness, but i didnt care i loved him.

now he has a new girlfriend- well they have been together for a year or so. this makes me feel so horrible, ugly, fat and unloveable.

but what really messes me up is his job. he works in a "high class" strip clubs, u know the kind where u have to be as skinny as a rake and have breast implants to get a job.

everytime i here about him, or where he works, or anything to do with strippers, or anything related to that topic i am running to the bathroom to make myself sick. in some vain attempt to maybe one day look and feel half as good as those people.

i love him, i hate my illness.

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  • 4 weeks later...

My first boyfriend (who was a complete bastard) used to take the piss out of the fact that I thought I was fat. He'd grab my stomach and say "fatty, fatty, fatty, fatty!", then laugh at me, telling me I was stupid to think it.

I also remember him saying that my body was perfect apart from the natural line round my waist separating my upper and lower abdomen. Already worried about my appearance I then became even more obsessed with the size of my stomach, wanting it to be flat. I partially blame him for my ED.

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  • 2 months later...

Wow, it's a hard competition between wether Iona's X or yours Boz is the biggest asshole.

Sorry if you still love him, Iona. He sounds like...well, I just doubt that working where he works that he doesn't sample the new products. Be glad to have him gone. I think you might want to consider stopping loving him.

And watch out for your teeth when you puke. That acid can do a number on them.

And Boz, just due to the fact that we wear clothes we end up shaping our bodies in undesirable ways. Heck, besides my beltline permanently pressed into my skin, I also lack the leg hair from where my socks rub. It's no biggie, but it's true.

Oh, and hi. I normally dont' post in here, but I'm starving myself right now, and really, kinda came in here with a "how does everyone else do this" kind of thought.

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