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Having an honest discussion about suicide with your therapist without being slapped with a 51 50


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First of all, let me say that I'm not in imminent danger of hurting myself but I have been suicidal several times this year and will no doubt be again sometime. I REALLY wish when I was suicidal I could be honest with my therapist and talk through the issue and not hide what I'm going through. If I talk suicide, I get slapped with a 51 50 and the conversation ends and its off to the looney bin. At the psych hospital, no one even asks you why you want to kill yourself. Its just pill pushing (not saying getting on the right medication isn't valuable). I've never called a suicide prevention line but I'm scared that they can locate me and bring the police over or they'll just say go to the ER. Once again, not helpful for me. Any thoughts? 

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1 hour ago, CeremonyNewOrder said:

First of all, let me say that I'm not in imminent danger of hurting myself but I have been suicidal several times this year and will no doubt be again sometime. I REALLY wish when I was suicidal I could be honest with my therapist and talk through the issue and not hide what I'm going through. If I talk suicide, I get slapped with a 51 50 and the conversation ends and its off to the looney bin. At the psych hospital, no one even asks you why you want to kill yourself. Its just pill pushing (not saying getting on the right medication isn't valuable). I've never called a suicide prevention line but I'm scared that they can locate me and bring the police over or they'll just say go to the ER. Once again, not helpful for me. Any thoughts? 

You speak so much truth. Thank you. Thank you so much. This is my experience too. It’s like the instant I speak of it BAM off to the ER. I would like to talk through the issue too. So much. 

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I’ve been able to discuss this in the past, with both my pdoc and tdoc.... sometimes I start with “I’m ok but... or I’m not in danger but...” my pdoc when I was a teen used to give me the beck depression Inventory and I would aomwtimes circle one of the options about feeling suicidal and he would ask me to elaborate but would always let me explain. My current tdoc isn’t a fan of hospitalizing patients in some situations when she thinks that the hospital won’t be able to help the situation Or may even make it worse. Maybe you could bring up these concerns and ask your doc to work with you to establish a framework that allows you to share without it being an admission that you need the hospital 

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I understand that if someone is really unsafe they need to be admitted to the hospital but it just dawned on me this morning when I was listening to a piece on suicide prevention on NPR that when I was hospitalized a couple of months ago no one at the ER or at the hospital ever asked me once why I wanted to kill myself. And it was the same with past hospitalizations. I'm too scared to bring up any conversation about suicide now for fear of being admitted. Perhaps in the hospital, where one is safe, you could really truly express your feelings, why you want to kill yourself and a therapist could work through it with you. But instead it just means you stay longer and are loaded up on meds (once again not saying this in and in itself is bad.)

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Can you tell your doctor that you aren’t suicidal, but you need to talk about what has made you suicidal in the past, so that you can process those feelings and manage them better?

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I've had a therapist in the past who would send me to the hospital for mention of sui thoughts and any self harm. My MI was worst during this period of time. It's frustrating when doctors will put you in what feels like prison for being mentally ill at all, not just when you/ others are in danger.

FWIW, I've called a suicide prevention line in the past and they didn't send anyone out to pick me up. They only do that if you're actively doing so or have a plan. 

I hope you're able to speak to someone about this soon.

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