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It has been many years since I've been on this forum.  I with I could add to my blog, because now is the time.

Does he love me because I am easy to run over and I still keep coming back? (pretty sure the is the correct answer in this situation.)

Does he love me because of the crazy that I am (doubtful)

Does he understand the manic and depressive sides of me?  Nope.  He just thinks I am either lazy or really motivated.  And he HAS been to my doc to discuss this.

I need to get out of it.   Out of this.  And there seems to be no way out.  Crushed. 

Edited by Wmwid
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There’s typically always a way out. It just may take a very long time to see it. Our lives are so, so different from those of most other people, that you simply can’t compare things like that. Some of us have a nasty habit of destroying our life over and over and over again. That doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve the happiness that everyone else has; it simply becomes more difficult to figure out in many cases. I’ve watched my life implode over and over and over agin throughout the years. You think I did any of that on purpose? Of course not! I didn’t plan to take 9 years and 4 schools to get my undergraduate degree, but that’s what it took. I’m like frickin’ Sarah Palin! The point is that life can throw you some serious curveballs, and you have to adjust as best you can. 

  

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have bipolar too. I get the cycle of high moods which are so enjoyable and pleasurable but then the lows hit and i'm stuck in mud with a dark cloud surrounding my head. I'm on a high now so it feels like i'm a million miles away from those sad painful times. It's hard imagining it. I also feel uncomfortable thinking about it too. When i'm low though, I have low motivation, I spend a lot of my days in my bed or watching movies, in bed. I also eat junk - chocolate and chips. My favourite is the 140g bag of maltesers and the family pack of salt and vinegar chips and also honey and soy chips - family size of course. It sucks. I think I've got to learn more about how to manage my low moods. My highs are fine. I know how to calm myself from them, how to take myself out of the situation. I have some workbooks my mental health team has given me. If I filled that out, I think it would  be a big help. I haven't really sought help from my lows before. Just my highs/anxiety/stress/sleep. I hope I don't need to increase my epilim (mood stabaliser) because i don't want the extra side effects.

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