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Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

Edited by Blahblah
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7 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

with me, when i am in bad shape my pdoc is fully aware that i may be having suicidal thoughts. So usually I will tell him about it at appointment (or call if i need to address things quickly) with the assumption that it is an ongoing symptom ... so i never call about it on a day to day basis. When I am more stable, it happens time to time, but if i am feeling ok otherwise my main approach is distraction, since functioning me can usually switch gears to a productive activity and kind of let the thoughts fizzle out. So i would say yes, for me, it can happen even when in remission 

Regarding meds- thats a tough one because of the huge individual variation. I would think that if you are in a state where the symptoms are consistent a prn may not do much except get you through until a main-med change can take effect. having to take a prn all the time for the ideation is a big flag to me that its probably time for a a change in my mood booster/stabilizer/etc. 

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Oh sorry, just saw the tag. I wasn't sure what SI stood for.

For me, I don't mention them unless they are really intrusive. So random fleeting thoughts I probably wouldn't, but if they're there a lot and bothering me then I would even if it's passive with no intention behind it. If I'm thinking seriously about acting on them then it's time for a med change. Idk, that's just me.

Edited by Juniper29
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@Iceberg Yeah, usually distraction is my go to. I try to get busy & get myself into "productive mode" but sometimes that doesn't work. and of course, when a person is idle, the thoughts get increasingly intrusive.

@juniper Yes, (by SI, meaning suicidal ideations, not just self-harm) Does "really intrusive" mean like every week? Everyday?  It's just tough when they increase... I mean, not to the point where you have a plan...but increasing in time spent feeling hopeless about the future, ruminating, reading about suicide online, survival rates, methods, and obsessing, but not acting on them?

There really doesn't seem to be a "cure" for this, apart from waiting for it to pass, waiting for the next round to come up  Or pdoc increases dose of SSRIs which just make me numb and less able to cognitively function. APs help for acute psychosis or impulsiveness, but what if you're not in that state? To me, the side effects of A/Ps are intolerable.

Edited by Blahblah
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Just an Interesting aside- some very recent psychological studies/texts have started using the acronym NSSI (non suicidal self injurious behavior) to avoid the “SI” confusion. I first saw it in some of the articles I cited for a final paper on psychopathology a couple years ago, where the intervention was DBT- which is supposed to target self injury and suicidal ideation so there is high potential for confusion 

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On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

Every day for multiple periods throughout the day, the worst being at bedtime for some reason. 

On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

I've tried everything and TBH haven't found a reliable way to cope. I mainly just take note that I'm having SI and move into a more observer role i.e. I try to "watch" these thoughts and feelings rather than live them. 

At bedtime they're too pervasive so I just let them hit my and cry etc.

I do not proffer my SI to my PDoc, but answer if asked. Since I'm so TR, there's not much they can do.  

On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

Don't know as I've never had remission in 27 years of having TRD, TR-OCD and DP/DR and other shite. Which is mostly why I have so much SI in the first place "lol". 

 

PS hello everyone, long time no see :)

Edited by sming
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Every single day. My answer to every minor inconvenience is "may as well go die. Today is the day". I have that thought probably at least 30 times a day. Honestly? I find it comforting. It's a comfort to me to know that I always have a way out if shit gets too heavy to handle.

I don't know if that's necessarily a plan or whatever. I know how I'd do it, but I don't have any plans TO do it. If that makes sense. So I just think it's not that serious.

I only mention it to my docs when they ask. Which is every time we meet. I'm honest about it and so far neither of them have thought there was much to it so nothing has been done about it. I do want a change of medications though.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/8/2021 at 7:35 PM, sming said:

Every day for multiple periods throughout the day, the worst being at bedtime for some reason. 

I've tried everything and TBH haven't found a reliable way to cope. I mainly just take note that I'm having SI and move into a more observer role i.e. I try to "watch" these thoughts and feelings rather than live them. 

At bedtime they're too pervasive so I just let them hit my and cry etc.

I do not proffer my SI to my PDoc, but answer if asked. Since I'm so TR, there's not much they can do.  

Don't know as I've never had remission in 27 years of having TRD, TR-OCD and DP/DR and other shite. Which is mostly why I have so much SI in the first place "lol". 

 

PS hello everyone, long time no see :)

SAME HERE!!!!  Exhausted & tired all day...then when i go to bed, I lie awake and start ruminating on the "Why can't I just die in my sleep" thoughts, "nobody would notice or care, life is meaningless and just gets more difficult, I'm a burden, I've had enough....."   I tell myself the thoughts are just thoughts - like logs floating down a stream, try to let them go....but they are often so pervasive all I can do is cry and hope I fall asleep.

I've told pdoc & therapist about them and because I'm not an impulsive type, they don't seem to be concerned. They are unable to offer up advice or suggestions other than "mindfulness" ignoring or detaching from the thoughts. But they are very intrusive, until I manage to dissociate or distract myself for a few hours.....then they just return...

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So suicide ideation right? Not self injury? Just wondering what miserable stuff to moan about. Self-injury. Haven't done it for a long time but the thought still pops up every now and again. Suicide ideation? Yes. Like Disappear77 said it can be a comfort. A way out. When I feel down there's always that option, shit though it is. Not trying to encourage the idea but I think that is a big part of why we think of it when things seem so crap. There's always that way out. There's better options probably, although they don't always seem obvious at the time. Cheer up! Recently, I've been thinking that I should kill myself after completing my degree, which at least gives me three years to come up with a better idea. Mature student doing fine. Will probably get a first with decent grades. Which might sound arrogant but even if that's true I don't think it's enough to unfuck my life. Go out on a high. Too late to make a difference. Never going to be a proper human being. So I'm capable of better things, which means I've wasted much of my life. So erm ... that's how my brain works. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Just FTR I spoke to my PDoc yesterday and she said a lot of her clients use SI as a release valve, as relief, that there is an end in sight, albeit your end, if if you get my drift. 

I've actually started planning for when I eventually do it should I not get better. Spreadsheets, documents, lists, plans. I find it mostly relieving except for when I have to consider my kids and what I might say to them. That just crushes me and leaves me crying. 

Edited by sming
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