I was in the process of weaning off seroquel, and had completely weaned off it (was on 600mg XR, weaned myself down to 0mg). So I asked my psychiatrist for something to make me sleep because sleeping only 3 to 6 hours a night for days on end was killing what little productivity I had. I specifically told him to not prescribe me any benzos because benzos give me anxiety. But he gave me a script for nitrazepam (mogadon) all the same. For any American readers, mogadon is a longer acting benzodiazepine that is supposed to help you stay asleep. Then it stopped working after about 3 days. After persisting with the drug for about a week, it stopped helping me altogether, and I noticed a significant increase in low mood, teary outbursts and panic. I called my psychiatrist and asked his advice, he told me to just continue with the drug and finish the bottle of 25x5mg pills he had prescribed me. My psychiatrist simply insisted that all of my symptoms were related to my PTSD and the prazosin I'm taking should be able to pick up the tab.
Last Tuesday, I became so overwhelmed with life due to constant panic and sucidal thoughts that I went to my pastor's house for help, but I'd reached a stage of anxiety where I can't think clearly, or form sentences well. I was sitting in the lounge room waiting for my pastor to start a conversation but he didn't seem to pick up that I needed to talk, so I left him to what he was doing to go home and kill myself. It seemed like the only logical solution. I was intercepted by my pastor's wife on the way home, because she was driving up the street I was walking down to get home. She convinced me to get into the car, but I couldn't even talk to her really. I was too hysterical.
The pastor's wife took me to the GP the next day, who gave me a plan to wean off the mogadon but she refused to release me to my own care. I refused to go to hospital, but my pastor and his wife took me in and looked after me instead. I had to be prescribed 25mg of seroquel again to take PRN and at night to sleep in combination with melatonin and I'm slowly getting better and should be able to go home by the end of the week.
I have no idea why a small amount of benzodiazepines would cause such extreme symptoms in me, but it's pretty horrible when you're studying a masters, it's the middle of the trimester and you can hardly even feed yourself, or get though a day without crying. Does anyone have any idea why benzodiazepines would affect me in this way and make me so emotionally unstable that I can't do anything for myself?
I just spent a ridiculous amount of money in a month. pretty much all on books and comics. I've never donet hat before. never. I was always "the cheap kid". my brother would be taking limosines to parties and I'd be going to maybe 1 movie a month.
books. that's what I spent litearlly hundreds on this month. books.
I lost the one thing I ahd. I feel like a demon, a parasite. especially since I had an argument with my mom over job stuff. I just started loking for a part time job again, but I don't want her to think everything esle I said that day didn't count. so I can't ask for any more moeny. I can't. I can't let them know
after rent is taken out, I'll have $10 left. I have some cheques I can cash, but that'll take a few days to go thru.
feeling suicidal. feeling worthless.
I just wanted to efel happy. I wanted to read about people like me. I wanted to escape. and be seen. I just. I never thought this would happen
what the hell is wrong with me
fiancee says a friend of hers with depression did this. is it possible this is somehting to do with that?
Hi, all. I've just been diagnosed with shingles. Not really painful so far (one week into the rash), although it's hard telling because i have chronic muscle/soft tissue pain, and I hurt a lot anyway. I have more or less lifelong problems with depression and anxiety (I'm 55), and I struggle fairly often against suicidal thoughts, but I'm not taking any meds for depression or anxiety. I thought the last thing on earth I needed was post-herpetic neuralgia, a painful condition that can follow shingles and last for months or years with no cure. My doctor suggested I start gabapentin now for pain, but when I read some of the side effects, I thought that maybe the last thing I need is to risk having my depression or anxiety worsened or to have anything pushing me more toward suicidal ideation. I'm also very leery of anything that might be hard to get off of. My apologies if I'm breaking protocol or otherwise being annoying. Any insights appreciated.
it is day 33 of my cycle and i am waiting for my period to get on with it. i've been dealing with the usual lowered immune response that leaves me with cold or fever from days 21-40 -- as applicable; period arrives anywhere in that window. and the moodiness, irritability, exhaustion, mind fog, loss of coordination and balance, cramps. ten days of menstrual cramps, and only a tiny bit of blood spotting. some of this is no doubt attributable to cysts & fibroids. and maybe my age. i am 42. i will be getting another ultrasound soon (no no no do NOT want) to gauge status of cysts/fibroids. i am not taking any hormones atm. those i have taken in the past were ineffective. for mood, for cycle regulation, for alleviation of any of the complaints at all. and SSRIs/multiple reuptakes do not touch this.
am having suicidal thoughts as usual; wondering how thorough i would need to be with evidence for my suicide in order for the authorities to rule out foul play. to say "yes, she killed herself, no question" and minimally hassle my friends and family when i do it. i would say my history as an utter loser, my hospitalizations, should speak for themselves?
for those suffering pmdd as well: are your physical symptoms just as bad as mental symptoms? better? worse? do you get strong suicidal urges & make plans every month?
My biggest drawback is my poor stress-response. When I get stressed, my ability to think and react appropriately flies away. I become ridiculously forgetful, and my social anxiety issues go through the roof. The idea of leaving the house or talking to other humans makes my skin crawl, so that if I have to force myself to do it, like at work, I end up dissociating and letting the girls handle it… And while they mean well, none of them are exactly well-versed in dealing with humans either.
Then, if I perceive the issue that is causing the stress to be something insurmountable, it drives me instantly down into depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.
I don’t think I’ve ever been quite as aware of this process until right now. I’ve had more good moods than bad ones lately, and they’ve lasted longer than they have in more than a year, too. I took this to mean that I’m getting close to being back on the “normal” side of the cycle again. Until I got an email on Friday from my landlord’s lawyer that simply read: “I am afraid time has run out. I will be filing at sheriff on Monday." That’s tomorrow.
I’ve already had an eviction hearing, and my landlord was granted the right to evict me. But they told me they would let me stay to give me time to get my insurance company to pay out what they owe me, and if I could make up the back rent they wouldn’t evict. Now, five months behind in rent, my time has run out, and all I can do about it is sit here on this bed and not move. Intrusive thoughts of self-harm are hammering away at my brain, but every time I manage to push one away, two take its place. I want to react. I want to take action. I want to go to my landlord and beg him for more time. But I want to get drunk. I want to cut. I want to die. There are two alters who support the self-harm idea, and two who don’t. Unfortunately, the two who don’t aren’t exactly galvanizing to do anything productive about our situation either, and of the two who support self-harm, one wants me dead.
I’m not sure how this day is going to play out.