Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

Edited by Blahblah
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

with me, when i am in bad shape my pdoc is fully aware that i may be having suicidal thoughts. So usually I will tell him about it at appointment (or call if i need to address things quickly) with the assumption that it is an ongoing symptom ... so i never call about it on a day to day basis. When I am more stable, it happens time to time, but if i am feeling ok otherwise my main approach is distraction, since functioning me can usually switch gears to a productive activity and kind of let the thoughts fizzle out. So i would say yes, for me, it can happen even when in remission 

Regarding meds- thats a tough one because of the huge individual variation. I would think that if you are in a state where the symptoms are consistent a prn may not do much except get you through until a main-med change can take effect. having to take a prn all the time for the ideation is a big flag to me that its probably time for a a change in my mood booster/stabilizer/etc. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Oh sorry, just saw the tag. I wasn't sure what SI stood for.

For me, I don't mention them unless they are really intrusive. So random fleeting thoughts I probably wouldn't, but if they're there a lot and bothering me then I would even if it's passive with no intention behind it. If I'm thinking seriously about acting on them then it's time for a med change. Idk, that's just me.

Edited by Juniper29
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Iceberg Yeah, usually distraction is my go to. I try to get busy & get myself into "productive mode" but sometimes that doesn't work. and of course, when a person is idle, the thoughts get increasingly intrusive.

@juniper Yes, (by SI, meaning suicidal ideations, not just self-harm) Does "really intrusive" mean like every week? Everyday?  It's just tough when they increase... I mean, not to the point where you have a plan...but increasing in time spent feeling hopeless about the future, ruminating, reading about suicide online, survival rates, methods, and obsessing, but not acting on them?

There really doesn't seem to be a "cure" for this, apart from waiting for it to pass, waiting for the next round to come up  Or pdoc increases dose of SSRIs which just make me numb and less able to cognitively function. APs help for acute psychosis or impulsiveness, but what if you're not in that state? To me, the side effects of A/Ps are intolerable.

Edited by Blahblah
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just an Interesting aside- some very recent psychological studies/texts have started using the acronym NSSI (non suicidal self injurious behavior) to avoid the “SI” confusion. I first saw it in some of the articles I cited for a final paper on psychopathology a couple years ago, where the intervention was DBT- which is supposed to target self injury and suicidal ideation so there is high potential for confusion 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)
On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

Despite being stable & somewhat functioning? This includes both active (and passive), random fleeting thoughts, etc.

Every day for multiple periods throughout the day, the worst being at bedtime for some reason. 

On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

What is your coping mechanism? Do you always mention to your pdoc (no matter how benign or seemingly harmless?) At what point/ level/ frequency is a cause of concern,  or when would you take a PRN or completely change your meds?

I've tried everything and TBH haven't found a reliable way to cope. I mainly just take note that I'm having SI and move into a more observer role i.e. I try to "watch" these thoughts and feelings rather than live them. 

At bedtime they're too pervasive so I just let them hit my and cry etc.

I do not proffer my SI to my PDoc, but answer if asked. Since I'm so TR, there's not much they can do.  

On 7/6/2021 at 2:12 PM, Blahblah said:

Can you be in "remission" and still often get them?

Don't know as I've never had remission in 27 years of having TRD, TR-OCD and DP/DR and other shite. Which is mostly why I have so much SI in the first place "lol". 

 

PS hello everyone, long time no see :)

Edited by sming
Blah blah blah
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Every single day. My answer to every minor inconvenience is "may as well go die. Today is the day". I have that thought probably at least 30 times a day. Honestly? I find it comforting. It's a comfort to me to know that I always have a way out if shit gets too heavy to handle.

I don't know if that's necessarily a plan or whatever. I know how I'd do it, but I don't have any plans TO do it. If that makes sense. So I just think it's not that serious.

I only mention it to my docs when they ask. Which is every time we meet. I'm honest about it and so far neither of them have thought there was much to it so nothing has been done about it. I do want a change of medications though.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...
On 7/8/2021 at 7:35 PM, sming said:

Every day for multiple periods throughout the day, the worst being at bedtime for some reason. 

I've tried everything and TBH haven't found a reliable way to cope. I mainly just take note that I'm having SI and move into a more observer role i.e. I try to "watch" these thoughts and feelings rather than live them. 

At bedtime they're too pervasive so I just let them hit my and cry etc.

I do not proffer my SI to my PDoc, but answer if asked. Since I'm so TR, there's not much they can do.  

Don't know as I've never had remission in 27 years of having TRD, TR-OCD and DP/DR and other shite. Which is mostly why I have so much SI in the first place "lol". 

 

PS hello everyone, long time no see :)

SAME HERE!!!!  Exhausted & tired all day...then when i go to bed, I lie awake and start ruminating on the "Why can't I just die in my sleep" thoughts, "nobody would notice or care, life is meaningless and just gets more difficult, I'm a burden, I've had enough....."   I tell myself the thoughts are just thoughts - like logs floating down a stream, try to let them go....but they are often so pervasive all I can do is cry and hope I fall asleep.

I've told pdoc & therapist about them and because I'm not an impulsive type, they don't seem to be concerned. They are unable to offer up advice or suggestions other than "mindfulness" ignoring or detaching from the thoughts. But they are very intrusive, until I manage to dissociate or distract myself for a few hours.....then they just return...

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

So suicide ideation right? Not self injury? Just wondering what miserable stuff to moan about. Self-injury. Haven't done it for a long time but the thought still pops up every now and again. Suicide ideation? Yes. Like Disappear77 said it can be a comfort. A way out. When I feel down there's always that option, shit though it is. Not trying to encourage the idea but I think that is a big part of why we think of it when things seem so crap. There's always that way out. There's better options probably, although they don't always seem obvious at the time. Cheer up! Recently, I've been thinking that I should kill myself after completing my degree, which at least gives me three years to come up with a better idea. Mature student doing fine. Will probably get a first with decent grades. Which might sound arrogant but even if that's true I don't think it's enough to unfuck my life. Go out on a high. Too late to make a difference. Never going to be a proper human being. So I'm capable of better things, which means I've wasted much of my life. So erm ... that's how my brain works. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Similar Content

    • By Melisa
      Hi everyone,
      I was in the process of weaning off seroquel, and had completely weaned off it (was on 600mg XR, weaned myself down to 0mg). So I asked my psychiatrist for something to make me sleep because sleeping only 3 to 6 hours a night for days on end was killing what little productivity I had. I specifically told him to not prescribe me any benzos because benzos give me anxiety. But he gave me a script for nitrazepam (mogadon) all the same. For any American readers, mogadon is a longer acting benzodiazepine that is supposed to help you stay asleep. Then it stopped working after about 3 days.  After persisting with the drug for about a week, it stopped helping me altogether, and I noticed a significant increase in low mood, teary outbursts and panic. I called my psychiatrist and asked his advice, he told me to just continue with the drug and finish the bottle of 25x5mg pills he had prescribed me.  My psychiatrist simply insisted that all of my symptoms were related to my PTSD and the prazosin I'm taking should be able to pick up the tab.
      Last Tuesday, I became so overwhelmed with life due to constant panic and sucidal thoughts that I went to my pastor's house for help, but I'd reached a stage of anxiety where I can't think clearly, or form sentences well. I was sitting in the lounge room waiting for my pastor to start a conversation but he didn't seem to pick up that I needed to talk, so I left him to what he was doing to go home and kill myself. It seemed like the only logical solution. I was intercepted by my pastor's wife on the way home, because she was driving up the street I was walking down to get home. She convinced me to get into the car, but I couldn't even talk to her really. I was too hysterical.
      The pastor's wife took me to the GP the next day, who gave me a plan to wean off the mogadon but she refused to release me to my own care. I refused to go to hospital, but my pastor and his wife took me in and looked after me instead. I had to be prescribed 25mg of seroquel again to take PRN and at night to sleep in combination with melatonin and I'm slowly getting better and should be able to go home  by the end of the week.
      I have no idea why a small amount of benzodiazepines  would cause such extreme symptoms in me, but it's pretty horrible when you're studying a masters, it's the middle of the trimester and you can hardly even feed yourself, or get though a day without crying. Does anyone have any idea why benzodiazepines would affect me in this way and make me so emotionally unstable that I can't do anything for myself?
    • By huntforbravery
      I just spent a ridiculous amount of money in a month. pretty much all on books and comics.  I've never donet hat before. never. I was always "the cheap kid". my brother would be taking limosines to parties and I'd be going to maybe 1 movie a month. 
      books. that's what I spent litearlly hundreds on this month. books.
      I lost the one thing I ahd. I feel like a demon, a parasite. especially since I had an argument with my mom over job stuff. I just started loking for a part time job again, but I don't want her to think everything esle I said that day didn't count. so I can't ask for any more moeny. I can't. I can't let them know
      after rent is taken out, I'll have $10 left. I have some cheques I can cash, but that'll take a few days to go thru.
      feeling suicidal. feeling worthless. 
      I just wanted to efel happy. I wanted to read about people like me. I wanted to escape. and be seen. I just. I never thought this would happen
      what the hell is wrong with me
      fiancee says a friend of hers with depression did this. is it possible this is somehting to do with that?
    • By strawberryfool
      Hi, all. I've just been diagnosed with shingles. Not really painful so far (one week into the rash), although it's hard telling because i have chronic muscle/soft tissue pain, and I hurt a lot anyway. I have more or less lifelong problems with depression and anxiety (I'm 55), and I struggle fairly often against suicidal thoughts, but I'm not taking any meds for depression or anxiety. I thought the last thing on earth I needed was post-herpetic neuralgia, a painful condition that can follow shingles and last for months or years with no cure. My doctor suggested I start gabapentin now for pain, but when I read some of the side effects, I thought that maybe the last thing I need is to risk having my depression or anxiety worsened or to have anything pushing me more toward suicidal ideation. I'm also very leery of anything that might be hard to get off of. My apologies if I'm breaking protocol or otherwise being annoying. Any insights appreciated.
    • By fantod
      it is day 33 of my cycle and i am waiting for my period to get on with it.  i've been dealing with the usual lowered immune response that leaves me with cold or fever from days 21-40 -- as applicable; period arrives anywhere in that window.  and the moodiness, irritability, exhaustion, mind fog, loss of coordination and balance, cramps.  ten days of menstrual cramps, and only a tiny bit of blood spotting.  some of this is no doubt attributable to cysts & fibroids.  and maybe my age. i am 42.  i will be getting another ultrasound soon (no no no do NOT want) to gauge status of cysts/fibroids.  i am not taking any hormones atm.  those i have taken in the past were ineffective.  for mood, for cycle regulation, for alleviation of any of the complaints at all.  and SSRIs/multiple reuptakes do not touch this.
      am having suicidal thoughts as usual; wondering how thorough i would need to be with evidence for my suicide in order for the authorities to rule out foul play.  to say "yes, she killed herself, no question" and minimally hassle my friends and family when i do it.  i would say my history as an utter loser, my hospitalizations, should speak for themselves?
      for those suffering pmdd as well: are your physical symptoms just as bad as mental symptoms?  better? worse?  do you get strong suicidal urges & make plans every month?
    • By HumanInProgress
      My biggest drawback is my poor stress-response. When I get stressed, my ability to think and react appropriately flies away. I become ridiculously forgetful, and my social anxiety issues go through the roof. The idea of leaving the house or talking to other humans makes my skin crawl, so that if I have to force myself to do it, like at work, I end up dissociating and letting the girls handle it… And while they mean well, none of them are exactly well-versed in dealing with humans either.
      Then, if I perceive the issue that is causing the stress to be something insurmountable, it drives me instantly down into depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.

      I don’t think I’ve ever been quite as aware of this process until right now. I’ve had more good moods than bad ones lately, and they’ve lasted longer than they have in more than a year, too. I took this to mean that I’m getting close to being back on the “normal” side of the cycle again. Until I got an email on Friday from my landlord’s lawyer that simply read: “I am afraid time has run out. I will be filing at sheriff on Monday." That’s tomorrow.

      I’ve already had an eviction hearing, and my landlord was granted the right to evict me. But they told me they would let me stay to give me time to get my insurance company to pay out what they owe me, and if I could make up the back rent they wouldn’t evict. Now, five months behind in rent, my time has run out, and all I can do about it is sit here on this bed and not move. Intrusive thoughts of self-harm are hammering away at my brain, but every time I manage to push one away, two take its place. I want to react. I want to take action. I want to go to my landlord and beg him for more time. But I want to get drunk. I want to cut. I want to die. There are two alters who support the self-harm idea, and two who don’t. Unfortunately, the two who don’t aren’t exactly galvanizing to do anything productive about our situation either, and of the two who support self-harm, one wants me dead.

      I’m not sure how this day is going to play out.
×
×
  • Create New...