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Debilitating Anxiety

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I came home from treatment for my eating disorder a few weeks ago and ever since have been experiencing terrible anxiety and panic attacks.A couple of days ago my pdoc switched me from chlorpromazine to stelazine but I only ended up taking it for two days because it had absolutely no effect on me.This shocked me because it is such a strong drug.Anyway he just switched me back to chlorpromazine and told me to call him Monday to let him know how things are going.He said maybe we could increase it but I don't know if that would mean we would have to decrease my loxapine which I really don't want to do.Still,it would be nice I think to be able to have a morning dose of chlorpromazine.Clonidine worked like a miracle when I first started taking it but it now has no effect on me.

I think all the stuff the eating disorder was muting out has surfaced and i am having a lot of trouble coping with it without restricting.

My heart almost constantly feels like it is being squeezed and I have pressure on my chest.I clench my jaw,bring my attention to it and stop,then go right back to doing it again.I have been having more full blown panic attacks than I have ever had in my life.

I try to do box breathing but can often only make it up to a count of two.I worry about things incessantly.The only time i feel somewhat at peace is in the middle of the night,so I have taken to taking my night meds super early,crashing out,and being up all night which I know isn't healthy.

I am having an increasingly hard time leaving the house,although with a lot of self talk I can usually manage to do it,but I always am super anxious to get-home-as-soon-as-possible.

Both my GP and my pdoc want me to take daily walks but I have not been doing that.

My OCD is raging in tandem with my anxiety.

I am shocked I am not in a depression right now,but other than feeling utter desperation my mood isn't so bad.

I never have the relief of a good cathartic cry.This morning I actually tried to force myself to cry but found it just sounded like I was laughing...

Anyway I'm sorry this was so long.

I just needed to get it out somewhere I guess.

Sending you all serenity.



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