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My friend got married


GroovyGwen

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I don't know if I am overreacting or what.  I am Maid of Honor in my friends wedding in Nov.  I am going out of my way to help her plan, because she has no clue and no plans and 7 months.  So I just found out this morning that she is already officially married!  I guess they did one of those courthouse things back in January, she says for insurance reasons, and she didn't tell me.  Everyone else knows - just not me.  So I am allllll pissed because she didn't think it was important enough to invite me or even tell me!  Now I feel like she is only having me be a part of the wedding because of the my planning ability.  We haven't been that close lately and I was surprised that she wants me as MOH, but whatever.  If she wanted me as MOH, don't you think she would at least have me at the ACTUAL WEDDING???  I guess I am also pissy because I hate the guy and was secretly hoping that she would come to her senses and run away before November. 

Am I overreacting?  What do I do now?  I don't even want to help her plan it at this point....

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Hmmm. January was a while ago. How did you find out? Were other people invited? Did she give you a reason why other people know and you didn't?

I would feel betrayed, too. That was not cool. But you have to decide how much your friendship with her means to you. After you calm down. You have to be rational because this will be a big decision. I would ask her why everyone else knew and you didn't. I would try to determine her motive before I did anything rash.

If ultimately you determine that she was inconsiderate and uncaring about your feelings, I would blow her off. Or tell her that you feel betrayed and aren't interested in helping her, but you still want to be friends, and see where that leads. I just don't think you should do something for her when you don't want to. I think as the MOH, you should have known for sure.

Hope I'm not instigating. I am just now trying to figure out this standing up for myself thing. Maybe others have a clearer perspective....

Sam

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I would feel betrayed, too. That was not cool. But you have to decide how much your friendship with her means to you. After you calm down. You have to be rational because this will be a big decision. I would ask her why everyone else knew and you didn't. I would try to determine her motive before I did anything rash.
Sam,

I thought your answer was right on, but especially the cooling off part. I tend to shoot and ask questions later.

But, Gwen, it has a bad stink to it. I would go with my gut feeling on this one.

Hugs,

S9

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I am glad others think it sucks too.  I can never tell if I am overreacting, so I need validation.  I'll probably need help drafting an email to her too.  I'm thinking along the lines of "Why am I even in the wedding anyway?"  Grr....  ;)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Gwen, let's have fun with the nasty one, and then be totally serious and no emotion about the one you send.

As in, "I'm busy that weekend, fuck off and bark at the moon."

Seriously, how much explanation does she deserve? She's treated you like total shit, and I think your gut instinct that she has you on board as wedding planner is dead on. Save your energy and love for people who deserve it, cuz you rock! Seriously.

What a loser she is! Uh, can you say shallow?

Grrrrr....

S9

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I think your feelings are right on.  I think you have a right to be pissed, betrayed, hurt, etc.  Too bad she didn't have the guts to tell you b/f in January - I'm sure you'd have been like "okay that's great" - people really suck!

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She sounds like a bitch.  I had a male friend casually mention he got married by

JP but was gonna have a real wedding in the summer.  I won't go.  He said he

didn't tell me cuz it was "no big deal."  No wonder he's now trapped with a suicidal

wife and a newborn baby!  Don't waste any more energy on that woman. 

She sucks!!

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If it was a close friend of mine, I'd be pissed as well. I mean, even without an invite, at least TELL me you got married, you know? It IS a big deal. Put some laxatives in her champagne. lol... no, don't... I mean, I don't endorse any torture of friends. ever. well, sometimes... ;)

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Update:

Her is her response to my shocked email:

Wellllll, I thought I did tell youo, actually. I sent

out an email to a bunch of people after the fact. And

you weren't there because no one was there. We just

did it for insurance reasons. It was us, this lady

from the liberty twp. office and the mayor. In our

living room. Chris didn't want anyone to know, but my

family knows because they were all on me to get back

to the neurologist. So, you can't tell him you know.

He thinks I just told my parents.It was totally a

covert middle of the night operation. I was in scrubs,

for Godsake.

Better?

S

So, NO apology, and a bit of hostility on the end, right?  I emailed her back and said "I am still upset that you didn't tell me.  Whether it was an oversight or not it still sucks."

So I am still pissy.  And if she emails me again w/o apologizing I may go off.  Although going off for me is usually not as bad as being rude.  Especially in email, because I have time to contemplate my response as opposed to just reacting.  She knows me though, so she will know that I am pissed and being hostile no matter what.  So for now I have to settle for not telling her not to email her future (current) SIL or any of his family members or her married name will come up.  I hope they find out and Chris gets pissed at her.  Although he won't because he is her little whipping boy.  Did I mention that he was a 29 yr old virgin when they met and she popped his cherry?  I fucking hate him. 

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