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As a male I'm finding that the online dating scene is tough. Here's the thing my profile is probably alright, and my messages to women typically involve asking more about some of the hobbies they list. I'm coherent and appropriate. I keep the initial message short too. 

Well I generally get absolutely no replies. Now there is an exception to this when I use a certain site but it tends to become clear the other person is trying to pull a romance scam and asks for money, gift cards, they tend to say 'dear' a lot, many red flags.

As far as messaging seemingly legit women though, that is where I just get silence.

It probably does not help if some of the profiles I am shown tend to be women that take somewhat suggestive photos displaying their buttocks to the camera😬 As that probably causes a large amount of men to message.

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Here's the problem with online dating sites (or hookup sites, or any sort of site that purports to connect human beings for IRL interaction) - they are a blind communication medium that relies, and must rely, in part on the parties involved to represent themselves in good faith. Because no one can see the other party in person to verify what is being conveyed verbally (textually) or to infer meaning from body language or other cues, a level of trust is indispensable. The trust must be a mutual compact across the platform - it must be a given that a person can be taken at his or her word, or else no meaningful communication can take place.

What we see instead is that human beings are incapable of this. For whatever reason, dishonesty and deceit begin to be applied. Perhaps at first it is only a small fudge of a couple of years on someone's age, or a harmless untruth about one's full weight, but lies beget lies, and the anonymity of the internet - indeed, the use of anonymizing usernames - makes it both tempting and easy. So the communication system becomes corrupted with falsity, and suddenly the messages sent back and forth have lost some of their value.

Into this swirl of doubt step the malicious manipulators who capitalize on doubt, and ruthlessly take advantage of an environment in which there is still some possibility that a respondent is genuine - they do their best to mimic the genuine as a mask for the utterly false, and gradually erode the confidence of the participants of the platform until no one believes anyone is real at all or trusts anything anyone says.

And the whole enterprise becomes useless for its original purpose.

Without strict controls and vigilant monitoring, this pattern repeats across all such platforms because it's an inherent defect. And even with the most stringent moderation, it's still impossible to ensure that people don't succumb to the temptation to lie. That, also, is an inherent defect.

The best way to avoid this is to put down your screen and go somewhere where there are people interested in the same things you're interested in. At least then they'll have to lie to your face.

Or show you their buttocks in person. Which might fall into the category of oversharing, but I suppose it's a matter of taste.

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My first thought is that it sounds like this site is geared toward hookups for sex, and you’re responding to profiles with pictures that indicate that’s their intention, too. That’s fine if that’s your intent, but if it is, maybe hobbies aren’t their main goal, regardless of what they list. I was on those sites so I know I wasn’t looking for a relationship then. So, what is your goal (casual sex, close friends plus sex, love of your life, etc) is the first thing to figure out, and try to pick a site/app that matches your goal. I suspect it’s a mismatch that’s the main problem, not you. Also, does your profile reflect what you want/who you are?  Maybe they are reacting to that as well, do you think?  I’m sure meeting people in person would be good but that’s not always so easy, especially in a pandemic. If you can, great. But I met a lot of nice people on dating sites, and learned a lot. People can lie and misrepresent, true, but not everyone is doing that. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Have you considered sending dick pics? Don't! Nah you sound too intelligent to do such a thing. Be honest and be yourself. Hasn't worked for me because I am who I am. "Do you think that free will is an illusion and that farts are funny?" We aren't compatible. I am going to die alone. Why can't I find a woman who finds farts funnny?

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23 minutes ago, Fluent In Silence said:

Have you considered sending dick pics? Don't! Nah you sound too intelligent to do such a thing. Be honest and be yourself. Hasn't worked for me because I am who I am. "Do you think that free will is an illusion and that farts are funny?" We aren't compatible. I am going to die alone. Why can't I find a woman who finds farts funnny?

You can't mix Monty Python humour and Benny Hill humour. It confuses people.

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