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Tried to tell DH about suicial wishes


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;) I've been having a rough time lately, I've been really depressed.  I;ve also been feeling really "out of the zone" and not wanting to talk much or do much besides watch TV.  This of course increases my anxiety, which means I take more Xanax.  This makes my passive agressibe husband of 13 years bottle it up inside util it blew up last nigt.  The sad part was that I really went out of my way to buy little tings for him, call him,etc, last week to show him how much I love him.

Basically the only reason I stay here anymore is my children.  I love them so much.  I don't want them to see me like this, and I don't want my husband to kick me out so that I never see them.  I think he hates he right now, and talks to me like he can't stand me.  He told me last night to go ahead and take the pills and kill myself since that's what's I wanted to do.  He never one told me that he didn't want me to d it, or that he would help me, or anyhing else like that.

I fell betrayed.  After 13 years of marriage and 18 months of bipolar treatment, I feel that the one person I could could on for support doesn't care anymore.  Any I don't know what to do.

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Are you being treated with a mood stabolizer?  Can you go see a pdoc? 

I bet your husband cares, but it's frightening to deal with the fact that your partner is having suicidal thoughts.  I'm sure he didn't mean what he said, but it was a horrible thing to say.  I hope he just lost it and isn't normally treating you this way.

I hope you can get some decent treatment.  What about a hospital visit for a med adustment if you can't see a pdoc?

Take care.  You have the kids to motivate you to get well.  Keep them in your thoughts.

Dee

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He told me last night to go ahead and take the pills and kill myself since that's what's I wanted to do.  He never one told me that he didn't want me to d it, or that he would help me, or anyhing else like that.
Gizmo, I was living with my brother last summer when I was suicidal and ended up in the hospital. When I told my brother how suicidal I was, he got furious, said some mean things to me. I was totally shocked. But as I've come to understand, our loved ones are very freaked out by these depressions we're in. I don't have a spouse, but my brother was like my "go to guy", I could talk to him about anything. Well, it turned out, ALMOST anything. His anger was really fear. He told me later, after I was better. He said he can't handle hearing about it.

The ones who love us feel helpless that they can't do anything to make it better. That's just one of the reasons tdoc/pdocs are so important. Are you seeing professionals regularly? If so, do they know how wretched you feel?

I have children also, and like Dee said, they motivated me--barely--to stay alive in my darkest hour. Being a Mom is hard enough, being a suicidally depressed mom is just hell on earth. I can relate.

Hang it there. And get to your doctor soon, ok?

Hugs,

S9

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Being a Mom is hard enough, being a suicidally depressed mom is just hell on earth. I can relate.

My kids are the only reason I'm here today, and it's not an easy task. "Hell on earth" pretty much describes it. I'm still going in and out of depressive states, apparently something still isn't working right. I hope you can get your meds adjusted, and I believe what the others have said... it was likely said out of fear, not anger. Not an easy thing to hear. Keep hanging on, okay?

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S9 and Dee are exactly right. You know how you feel when you wonder if this internal upheaval will ever end? He feels the same way. He is just as frustrated as you are. I find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that after all of this time, I am still unstable and still depressed. I will be fine for a while and then in the gutter.

He just wants to see some improvement after 18 months. He wants things to get back to normal. I bet he feels like he has done his part. And he may have. But it is just beyond our control.

I have just now realized that I will probably never be stable for an extended period of time, and that has been a huge blow to me. I have been dealing with this for 18 months, too.

I don't know how much you and your husband talk about the BP thing, but I find when I feel suicidal, no one wants any part of it. They say, "No you're not." Or "Don't talk like that." It is not something people deal with well. I don't know why that is. When any of my friends feel that way I jump into action. Not everyone has that mentality. Maybe he has his own little denial thing going on.

Anyway, go to the doctor. My doctor is still working on me. I hope you feel better soon and I'm sorry your husband is having such a hard time. Have you thought of some type of joint counseling? That might help you guys a lot.

Take care,

Sam

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I have a friend who wasn't visited by his children when he was in the psych ward for 2 months because they were afraid to see their dad like that.

Several relatives would not come to see me during my 5 hospitalizations due to that reason.

It does scare people. They have no point of reference. They just have nothing to compare it to, no way to understand. Their reaction to something they cannot control is anger.

Get some treatment. Get a good treatment team, good drugs, and live life in a better way. You deserve it, and so does your family. Think of your kids and have the courage to do what's right.

loon

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I have a friend who wasn't visited by his children when he was in the psych ward for 2 months because they were afraid to see their dad like that.

Several relatives would not come to see me during my 5 hospitalizations due to that reason.

It does scare people. They have no point of reference. They just have nothing to compare it to, no way to understand. Their reaction to something they cannot control is anger.

Get some treatment. Get a good treatment team, good drugs, and live life in a better way. You deserve it, and so does your family. Think of your kids and have the courage to do what's right.

loon

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah! What she said!

My family didn't call or come visit when I was hospitalized. 'Cept for my big kid and his gf. He brought me a balloon that said, "Congratulations." His gf was like, "why did you bring her that instead of get well?" He said, "Cuz she's doing something about it." He gets it.

But that was it, no one else even called, sent a card nothing.

That's why this place is so great, because "it takes one to know one." Seems, like charity, destigmatizing mental illness should begin at home. But then there's the *real* world...

Take care,

S9

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Everyone is right.  I've been there.  DH told me "That's not a constructive way to

feel."  Like we want to feel this way!  It was said out of ignorance & fear.  Men

want to fix everything and when they realize that nothing they do or say makes

this disorder just go away, they lash out.  I hope you are getting treatment. 

If not, please start now.  Let us know how things are going.

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