OCD/depression mash up

[jarn]

I have been struggling with what I think is depression off and on, but I've been having lots of intrusive thoughts about suicide/urging me to kill myself (those are a bit less now thankfully).  I do have ODC issues, and pdoc has been all 'oh yeah intrusive thoughts'.  

I don't have only OCD though, hence my dumb question:

Am I experiencing both OCD and depressive thoughts at the same time?  OR

Am I just having an OCD flare and the depression is a result of the OCD (vs. the OCD being a result of the depression)?

 

[Iceberg]

3 hours ago, jarn said:

I have been struggling with what I think is depression off and on, but I've been having lots of intrusive thoughts about suicide/urging me to kill myself (those are a bit less now thankfully).  I do have ODC issues, and pdoc has been all 'oh yeah intrusive thoughts'.  

I don't have only OCD though, hence my dumb question:

Am I experiencing both OCD and depressive thoughts at the same time?  OR

Am I just having an OCD flare and the depression is a result of the OCD (vs. the OCD being a result of the depression)?

 

I think that might be an unanswerable question, especially for an outsider. I would say that I wouldn’t drive yourself crazy with it because the treatment steps are pretty similar 

[jarn]

Just now, Iceberg said:

I think that might be an unanswerable question, especially for an outsider. I would say that I wouldn’t drive yourself crazy with it because the treatment steps are pretty similar 

Thanks Iceberg.

I don't know how much to expect zyprexa to take care of this, or if I need something more (lord help me).  If I really stay on top of doing behavioural activations I am okay, but if I miss anything - boom!  Down I go.  Sleep doc wants me off zyprexa (thinks it is causing sleep walking) but clozapine is next.  Which I have heard is AWFUL for OCD.  So I don't know what to expect/do.  I see pdoc tomorrow.

I have been very stressed about work too, which is suffering in part BECAUSE of all this, and then contributing to my mental health too.  I feel like I need to take some time off, but sometimes I'm fine.

[DogMan]

3 hours ago, jarn said:

Thanks Iceberg.

I don't know how much to expect zyprexa to take care of this, or if I need something more (lord help me).  If I really stay on top of doing behavioural activations I am okay, but if I miss anything - boom!  Down I go.  Sleep doc wants me off zyprexa (thinks it is causing sleep walking) but clozapine is next.  Which I have heard is AWFUL for OCD.  So I don't know what to expect/do.  I see pdoc tomorrow.

I have been very stressed about work too, which is suffering in part BECAUSE of all this, and then contributing to my mental health too.  I feel like I need to take some time off, but sometimes I'm fine.

At the risk of being zero help, and annoying

 

Your two posts appear to be a process of working it out yourself. Almost a bit presque-vu, like you have the answer but need to type-think?

 

Happy to offer cheer squad services for your journalling, if that helps?

[dancesintherain]

this may not be appropriate....but have you ever taken luvox for OCD and depression?  it's an antidepressant, so a bit risky for BP people.  but monitored carefully and in conjunction with others, might be good.  it's really, really good for OCD stuff. 

[jarn]

@DogMan I often find writing things out helpful.  Though I don't feel much closer here.  

@dancesintherain I've been on two ADs, not luvox.  I will ask pdoc about it.  The first AD I was on triggered an episode and got me into the psych system - the second was fine.  I feel like I need something more than zyprexa - if I stay on it - I don't know what to think.

[jarn]

So saw - 'saw' - pdoc.  

I asked about an AD.  He said yes.  He felt Luvox wouldn't play nicely with my cocktail so he's going to put me on Zoloft.  I think (80?)mg the first week, then double afterwards. 

If this doesn't work, then it's clozapine for me.  

[jarn]

Oh 50mg to start then up to 100mg after one week.

[dancesintherain]

I hope the zoloft is helpful for the OCD and hte depression.

[jarn]

Thanks @dancesintherain, me too.  

[gabagaba]

Oh jarn....

Just wanted to say I hope you can be free of this soon.

I so know how wretched such thoughts are.

Peace to you.

 

 

 

[jarn]

Thanks so much @gabagaba - I appreciate it.  I think some of the work stress lessening has helped a bit, but I still have a ways to go.  Fingers crossed zoloft makes a difference.

[survivingbp]

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Edited August 25, 2022 by survivingbp

[jarn]

16 hours ago, survivingbp said:

I'm not sure if this is relevant for you, but I find that when my OCD is very bad, it drives my mood extremely low. And I'm sure that it could work the other way around too. I can't disentangle my mood and my OCD, or even my anxiety and my OCD. There is so much interplay.

I think OCD is an anxiety disorder?  so it makes sense.  I also have trouble separating them.  I was hiking with one of the dogs today, locked the car, locked a second time so it would honk, started the hike, came back, lock - then lock honk again.  And even then I was all worried.  That's not like OCD OCD I know, but it's my OCD-lite (intrusive thoughts are more my thing).  But you're likely right it interplays with my mood.

[Goofball]

On 10/23/2021 at 6:43 PM, jarn said:

I think OCD is an anxiety disorder?  so it makes sense.  I also have trouble separating them.  I was hiking with one of the dogs today, locked the car, locked a second time so it would honk, started the hike, came back, lock - then lock honk again.  And even then I was all worried.  That's not like OCD OCD I know, but it's my OCD-lite (intrusive thoughts are more my thing).  But you're likely right it interplays with my mood.

Actually, that is very much a classic OCD symptom. It’s of the checker type, which is my main issue. Of course, you may think little of it when it’s just checking a few times or less. But when you start checking 10, 20 times, or even more, it’s hard to deny that you have a bona fide problem. Nevertheless, my OCD started out as you describe. But like with my bipolar, it just got worse and worse over time. Well, until now. Maybe a month or two after my BP went into remission this time, my OCD symptoms went WAY down. They’re still there, but they are closer to what you are experiencing now (I find myself checking things just 2-4 times now, on average, whereas right before this change, I was routinely checking things about a dozen times, and sometimes even twice that amount).   

Edited November 2, 2021 by Goofball

[jarn]

On 11/2/2021 at 2:45 PM, Goofball said:

Actually, that is very much a classic OCD symptom. It’s of the checker type, which is my main issue. Of course, you may think little of it when it’s just checking a few times or less. But when you start checking 10, 20 times, or even more, it’s hard to deny that you have a bona fide problem. Nevertheless, my OCD started out as you describe. But like with my bipolar, it just got worse and worse over time. Well, until now. Maybe a month or two after my BP went into remission this time, my OCD symptoms went WAY down. They’re still there, but they are closer to what you are experiencing now (I find myself checking things just 2-4 times now, on average, whereas right before this change, I was routinely checking things about a dozen times, and sometimes even twice that amount).   

My checking was way worse.  I've really worked at checking less (I also make Toby check certain things AFTER I've checked them, and he has final words, though sometimes I make him describe to me HOW he checked them) and it's gotten way better.  And some stuff I check casually and ritually - the door and stove - I check them as I go by during the day, when I leave, when I go to bed, etc.  But it's so much better than it was, to the point that it 'does not cause me distress' (well not much).  Now it's mostly my intrusive thoughts.

[Goofball]

On 11/5/2021 at 7:43 PM, jarn said:

My checking was way worse.  I've really worked at checking less (I also make Toby check certain things AFTER I've checked them, and he has final words, though sometimes I make him describe to me HOW he checked them) and it's gotten way better.  And some stuff I check casually and ritually - the door and stove - I check them as I go by during the day, when I leave, when I go to bed, etc.  But it's so much better than it was, to the point that it 'does not cause me distress' (well not much).  Now it's mostly my intrusive thoughts.

I was talking about how many times you check immediately in a row, not throughout the day (generally within seconds or minutes). I think if you are only doing a few times in a row, it’s not really a big thing, mostly a nuisance. I still often check things up to a dozen or more times a day now. But that is quite different than standing in front of the door and locking/checking it 10-20 times in a row in the space of just a few minutes (and maybe missing the elevator a few time in the process, as a result).

It sounds like you have things in a more manageable place now. I’m not really sure what can be done to manage the intrusive thoughts. I mostly only have those as a result of my bipolar/psychosis, I think. I am not medicated for OCD, since mine is not too bad, and those meds don’t work for me anyways. 

[jarn]

Oh yeah I still check them multiple times as I go by @Goofball - but it's like 2-3 times, and then when I leave/go to bed, more, but not as bad. I used to check them non-stop, but I've really worked at that.