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I have been at 6 mgs since my hospitalization...um...about a month ago? I *think* that is the highest dose of the tablet,although it does come in an injectible as well with much higher doses.

Well.

My OCD?

Intrusive thoughts driving me mad,and I have started having some checking compulsions which were never a huge problem for me in the past.

My anxiety level is unbearable and causing me to avoid things.(I don't think I have been outside in the past three days.)

It is 3:17 AM and I am sitting here with an ice pack on the bottom of my foot to try and calm myself down because sometimes ice helps.But it's not really.Familiar weight on my chest,have to go pay my rent today and pick up groceries and don't know how I am going to do it.

I don't know how to survive anymore.

Invega is similar to risperidone so I had high hopes for it and it doesn't cause me day time drowsiness.

But.

It is just not working.

I feel resigned.Defeated.

In the hospital they were trying to stop me from referring to myself as treatment resistant,but what else is this?

I have a half an hour appointment over the phone with my pdoc on Tuesday and am thinking of asking him to just put me on a higher dose of chlorpromazine as i know I have mentioned here before.

The other idea was abilify but he is hesitant on that one as he said it can cause insomnia.

I am not coping.

I have horrifying imagery in my head all the time and annoying OCD commands and now this checking.

The world terrifies me.

MY pdoc always says there is something we haven't tried but what else is there anymore??

I am losing hope here.

How am I supposed to leave the house today??

I need need need something to control my symptoms.

Because I can't take SSRI"s or SNRI"s AP's are my only option.In fact,my pdoc thinks it is too dangerous for me to be on any antidepressant because of suicidality.

I don't know.

I don't know what else to do anymore.

Maybe he will have some ideas.

I am resigned.I am defeated.

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I don't have any suggestions - an AD is helping my symptoms.  My pdoc thinks an AD is okay because I have other meds to moderate it, but that's also from a mania perspective, which is different from what you're dealing with.  Would it be worth asking, or have you done that already?  

I recently found out (I'm dumb) OCD is an anxiety-disorder?  Could you rearrange any of your anxiety meds?

I'm so sorry things are like this.  That sounds hellish. 

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14 minutes ago, jarn said:

I don't have any suggestions - an AD is helping my symptoms.  My pdoc thinks an AD is okay because I have other meds to moderate it, but that's also from a mania perspective, which is different from what you're dealing with.  Would it be worth asking, or have you done that already?  

I recently found out (I'm dumb) OCD is an anxiety-disorder?  Could you rearrange any of your anxiety meds?

I'm so sorry things are like this.  That sounds hellish. 

Thank you so much for your reply,jarn.

I am glad to hear that your AD is helping you.

My pdoc just thinks AD's are far too dangerous for me.

I talked to him earlier and told him I want to stop the Invega and go back to chlorpromazine.He was on board with that.I suggested stopping loxapine (although I do like it,it helps me sleep.) and going on a higher dose of chlorpormazine and he said he is willing to do that too,he just wants to repeat an ECG to monitor for cardiac issues before doing that.

My pharmacist called a little while ago saying she got my pdoc's fax and was preparing my blister pack and wanted to know when I would like to take my chlorpromazine.I told her to put it in the morning slot, I will try it then and see how it goes.

Hopefully my old faithful chlorpromazine does the trick.

I will be glad to be off the atypical.

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23 hours ago, jarn said:

Oh that's good news!  I am glad that your pdoc is on board.  I really hope this helps you.  OCD is hellish.

Thank you,jarn.

Yes it really is hellish isn't it?

So far no change but I am only at 25 mgs so far.

I will be completely off the Invega by Friday and then my chlorpromazine dose can be increased.

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On 11/5/2021 at 10:40 PM, jarn said:

How're things going now?  Invega discontinuation going okay I hope?

Thank you for checking in,jarn.

Well so yeah,no more Invega.

Up to 50 mgs of chlorpromazine in the morning.Took it about an hour and a half ago with my 150 mgs of lamotrigine and 1 mg of clonazepam and am feeling quite soothed.The first morning at 50 mgs i was quite sedated but that has passed.My anxiety is still quite intense,but i think a lot of that is situational-i have planned on going "home" for Christmas and i am freaking out about it.

I am still thinking of replacing my loxapine with chlorpromazine,but unsure as yet.As well it all depends upon whether the chlorpromazine is causing any cardiac issues.I so hope not. I worry I may have to stop it entirely because of that.

My OCD seems just a little bit better.Head seems much clearer much of the time.

It is a good med for me.

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