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Should I feel disrespected?


hopelessromantic
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I was visiting family 7 hours away from home for my weeks vacation, it was me and "T" visiting my sister,brother in law, and niece. We were having a good time until 1/2 way through the week, when my BIL decided to drive us to a seafood restaurant 2 hours away. It was a nice place on the water and afterwards we were going to walk on the beach. Other than my nerves acting up with his driving getting us there around a big city, it was a nice restaurant and we were having a good time. They had a few beers and my niece had wine. I don't drink. At some point my BIL helped a guy with something who was seated next to us. The guy decided to say thank you with a round of shots. At that point a casual late lunch/dinner became a drunkfest. The guy ended up following us to a bar down the street. There was more drinking. My sister who is overly political, overheard political talk at another table and went off, pounding on our table and saying she is tired of sitting back and taking all the political talk. She was talking loudly and getting several stares as she went on and on with her political views.  I thought she was going to get us all thrown out. Then my BIL turned on me, asking why don't I ever speak up and talk politics. I answered "because I have other things on my mind". Like what? he said. I replied "like how we are going to get home!". He stormed off, saying he would sober up and drive us home. Nope. He went to smoke weed. When he came back and decided it was time to go he asked who is driving? I cannot drive because 1. My nerves are so bad 2. I don't drive at night well. 3. I hate big interstates. 4. Unfamiliar car. Did I mention I have glaucoma? He knows all this - so I asked "T" on pain meds to please drive. During the drive the three of them turned up loud music, sang at the top of their lungs, using the roof of the car for air drums, and to make matters worse, he lit up again. So I am in the back seat having a nervous breakdown wondering if T's pain meds are affecting her and/or is the smoke going to affect her driving while we are being passed at 85 MPH going down the interstate. The worst 2 hours of my life. I pulled my hair out and at one point just put my head in my hands and prayed. Long story longer, we did make it home safely, thank God. My sister had an attitude of "the most sober one in the bunch drives!" My BIL just thinks I am a p**** because of my nerve situation. I feel like they just use me to be the designated driver and just assume I can drive in any situation to get their drunk and high asses home. Please send me good thoughts and positive energy that I can repair this situation with my family. I will never have dinner with them again, just breakfast and/or a situation where driving is not an issue. I am so angry and hurt over all this. This has really set my mental health back. 

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I’m sorry. That sounds really awful. My family has done some shit things about my situation while drunk too. I really hope that the whole thing was just the substances talking and not reflective of their true feelings towards you. 
 

Do you feel in a position to bring this up once things cool down and  everyone get their wits back? I think it’s really easy for others to react to MI in a way that legitimately seems totally non-offensive to them even if it makes you feel like shit. I hope that maybe this is a lack of understanding and not an intentional confrontational approach. I really hope that you can smooth things over.

as far as your own health, it seems like you know your triggers very well. Regardless of what you hear from them, I think you should trust yourself to know which situations need to be avoided in the future.  I’m not suggesting that you stop interacting with them, but feeling compelled to join a situation that you know will end badly isn’t helping anyone. And if they don’t get that - well that sucks but you can’t build things with them if you’re automatically starting on shaky ground

do you have a therapist to discuss this with? This seems like a really good use of a a session 

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