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At this point I feel being "cured" would mean destroying much of what makes me such a cute and loveable little fuckup. Like I'll wake up one day and suddenly start acting like a fucking mormon. Well hi thar! Can I interest you in our bullshit religion? Sorry. I try not to offend anyone's religion but Mormons? Pfft! Fucking hell you believe that shit? But mormonism is beside the point. The "well me", to the extent that I can even imagine such a thing, seems like such a different person. I'll probably have perfect teeth and be wearing fucking chinos. The perfect me won't get drunk and shout abuse at bigoted idiots on youtube, because perfect me is so happy in himself, the cunt. I could've been so perfect and had a good job which made a lot of money, and I would've supported the idea of poor people being sterilised because my sucess would be all down to my own hard work and perseverance, rather than random fucking chance. Dumb fuckers. There's so much arrogance in the humbleness of those people. "I did it so I other people must be inferior". What did you do dickhead? Shiney things! In a parallel universe I might be a happy twat who votes conservative and has poor taste in music. I sometimes imagine meeting my long lost twin brother, who has done well for himself so I chain him up in the basement and steal his life. I'm joking. I don't have a basement. I don't know what fucking point I'm trying to make. Life could've been better than this but it is what it is and I am who I am because of that. Maybe instead of beating myself up over that I should feel some pride. Despite all the shit I've experienced and the hatred I sometimes feel about the fact that I exist I haven't become an arsehole. I hate tribes and the bigotry they cause because I've never belonged to one. No bad thing. Could've been worse, I could've been normal. I'm sounding like this song.

 

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On 12/17/2021 at 12:36 PM, Fluent In Silence said:

I hate tribes and the bigotry they cause because I've never belonged to one. No bad thing.

Oh, Flue, my poor man… you’re one of us now, and there’s nothing you can do about it because we claim you.

Where I got my undergraduate degrees, the student body was 90% in greek (small g) societies. Talk about tribal. Rush Week was unreal. But there was that tithe of us who steadfastly refused to submit to their ritual indoctrinations just to participate in their ridiculous bacchanals. Yet in spite of that fierce unwavering defiance, if asked what fraternity I was in I couldn’t resist answering with Greek letters:

ΓΔΙ - Gamma Delta Iota - God Damned Independent

On 12/17/2021 at 12:36 PM, Fluent In Silence said:

I sometimes imagine meeting my long lost twin brother, who has done well for himself so I chain him up in the basement and steal his life. I'm joking. I don't have a basement.

But you do have a long lost twin brother who has done well for himself? Do you have an attic?

Being cured wouldn’t remove any of the scars. You’ve earned those. They’re valuable. They’re the markers of wisdom.

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1 hour ago, Cerberus said:

Being cured wouldn’t remove any of the scars. You’ve earned those. They’re valuable. They’re the markers of wisdom.

That's actually a good way to look at things. I feel like it's all wasted time, but I do get how other people must feel who are going through the same sort of shit. It does seem like worthless knowledge sometimes. I should know how to be happy and be able to tell them how to do it. I know how to be fucking miserable. I do try sometimes. People who self-harm especially. I've been in that fucking hole, and I don't want anyone else to go through that. This "wisdom" can seem like shit though. I know how it feels but I don't have any answers. Seems a bit of a pathetic thing to say. I don't know how to be happy.

 

2 hours ago, DogMan said:

She taught me about Mormon undies. Worth a google, particularly the gents, if you haven't seen them 

Of course I'm going to google Mormon undies. One of the results which caught my eye "Gay Doctor Strips Away Mormon Church and Underwear in Heartfelt Post". OK. There's a lot going on with that title. How do you whip your dick out in a heartfelt way? I imagine you do it while listening to Coldplay. Which is just so wrong because Coldplay are shit.

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5 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

I should know how to be happy and be able to tell them how to do it. I know how to be fucking miserable.

But that's the point. The wisdom isn't so you can tell them how to be happy; it's so you can tell them how to survive the misery.

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14 hours ago, Fluent In Silence said:

That's actually a good way to look at things. I feel like it's all wasted time, but I do get how other people must feel who are going through the same sort of shit. It does seem like worthless knowledge sometimes. I should know how to be happy and be able to tell them how to do it. I know how to be fucking miserable. I do try sometimes. People who self-harm especially. I've been in that fucking hole, and I don't want anyone else to go through that. This "wisdom" can seem like shit though. I know how it feels but I don't have any answers. Seems a bit of a pathetic thing to say. I don't know how to be happy.

 

Of course I'm going to google Mormon undies. One of the results which caught my eye "Gay Doctor Strips Away Mormon Church and Underwear in Heartfelt Post". OK. There's a lot going on with that title. How do you whip your dick out in a heartfelt way? I imagine you do it while listening to Coldplay. Which is just so wrong because Coldplay are shit.

"I know how that feels. I wish I had answers" can be very comforting IMO

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