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Slipping into depression again ugh


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So I just started switching meds and got my bipolar diagnosis (well, my doctor is pretty sure of it, not sure if he definitely changed it yet) last week. He started me on lamotrigine. On day 3 of taking 50mg so I don't expect it to be working therapeutically yet, but I'm just frustrated right now and can't wait to get these meds straight.

The last few days I feel like I may have been hypomanic... not sure, I'm new to this. Stayed up all night last night, slept for maybe 2 1/2 hours and feel totally fine today, was up all night working on a stupid project, very happily and I spent even more money that I really shouldn't be. And the few days before that I felt normal, but have had more energy and FINALLY felt good after about 2-3 weeks of feeling really low. That's not the longest my depression has ever lasted so I'm grateful for that, but it's just so much sometimes. It hits like a tidal wave. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here. Just need to let it out.

Well all day I've been feeling great and then that sinking feeling started coming over me in the last hour. I'm starting to feel flat. Nothing happened really to trigger it or at least not something I'm aware of at the moment. I so desperately do not want to feel low again right now. Going to try to do some meditation and practice mindfulness. That has helped in the past at least for a little bit afterwards.

Anyways, sorry I'm just ranting. I have been told that antidepressants and stimulants can induce rapid cycling or mixed episodes more frequently so I really can't wait to start lowering my zoloft. Just get one step closer to stability!

Going to end with this- (I know it's a little lame, but it is helpful)- my gratitude list. It really does help me lighten the load when I'm depressed. It might not always last very long, but it's something and it's something I can do without medication. "Gratitude changes attitude" as they say lol. And hey, if it helps someone else on here, it's definitely worth sharing. If you want to share yours in the comments I'd love to read them too. If you don't want to, totally fine too.

Here it goes...

I'm grateful for:

-My dog who is sitting here staring at my half eaten sandwich

-That I have a psychiatrist in the first place since a lot of people can't afford it or aren't aware they need help or I'm sure so many more reasons...

-That I have options. I'm not always happy with them all, but I have them.

-I have a partner who understands mental illness and is patient and loving towards me even in my worst moments

-The internet and that forums like this can provide connection that a lot of us need

-Fresh air because well, it's fresh air

-My bed. Cus it supports me whether I have a huge project spread across every inch of it, obsessively working until morning, and when I can't even move and just want to lie there.

-Anyone who reads this because it's helpful to know you took the time to care. Thank you.

 

That felt pretty good. Still don't feel great, but it's getting my thoughts moving in the other direction at least. Thanks for reading. 

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53 minutes ago, lookaswan4141 said:

So I just started switching meds and got my bipolar diagnosis (well, my doctor is pretty sure of it, not sure if he definitely changed it yet) last week. He started me on lamotrigine. On day 3 of taking 50mg so I don't expect it to be working therapeutically yet, but I'm just frustrated right now and can't wait to get these meds straight.

The last few days I feel like I may have been hypomanic... not sure, I'm new to this. Stayed up all night last night, slept for maybe 2 1/2 hours and feel totally fine today, was up all night working on a stupid project, very happily and I spent even more money that I really shouldn't be. And the few days before that I felt normal, but have had more energy and FINALLY felt good after about 2-3 weeks of feeling really low. That's not the longest my depression has ever lasted so I'm grateful for that, but it's just so much sometimes. It hits like a tidal wave. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here. Just need to let it out.

Well all day I've been feeling great and then that sinking feeling started coming over me in the last hour. I'm starting to feel flat. Nothing happened really to trigger it or at least not something I'm aware of at the moment. I so desperately do not want to feel low again right now. Going to try to do some meditation and practice mindfulness. That has helped in the past at least for a little bit afterwards.

Anyways, sorry I'm just ranting. I have been told that antidepressants and stimulants can induce rapid cycling or mixed episodes more frequently so I really can't wait to start lowering my zoloft. Just get one step closer to stability!

Going to end with this- (I know it's a little lame, but it is helpful)- my gratitude list. It really does help me lighten the load when I'm depressed. It might not always last very long, but it's something and it's something I can do without medication. "Gratitude changes attitude" as they say lol. And hey, if it helps someone else on here, it's definitely worth sharing. If you want to share yours in the comments I'd love to read them too. If you don't want to, totally fine too.

Here it goes...

I'm grateful for:

-My dog who is sitting here staring at my half eaten sandwich

-That I have a psychiatrist in the first place since a lot of people can't afford it or aren't aware they need help or I'm sure so many more reasons...

-That I have options. I'm not always happy with them all, but I have them.

-I have a partner who understands mental illness and is patient and loving towards me even in my worst moments

-The internet and that forums like this can provide connection that a lot of us need

-Fresh air because well, it's fresh air

-My bed. Cus it supports me whether I have a huge project spread across every inch of it, obsessively working until morning, and when I can't even move and just want to lie there.

-Anyone who reads this because it's helpful to know you took the time to care. Thank you.

 

That felt pretty good. Still don't feel great, but it's getting my thoughts moving in the other direction at least. Thanks for reading. 

I’m sorry- the realization of a new diagnosis can totally suck. Sometimes it’s almost like starting from the beginning. However, it seems like you have a good pdoc and a good plan - which I honestly feel is half the battle sometimes. I’m sending you best wishes dealing with these new challenges - and don’t worry about preaching to the choir. God knows most of us would go insane without a little rant time

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Lamotrigine took a week or two to kick in, in the beginning I got a little hypomanic but then it evened out and I actually felt normal for the first time I could remember.  Like you, I started it while tapering off of Zoloft (because I kept getting worse) and once the Zoloft was gone and the Lamotrigine at a therapeutic dose it was kind of magical.  I hope it pans out for you!  

3 hours ago, lookaswan4141 said:

I'm grateful for:

-My dog who is sitting here staring at my half eaten sandwich

-That I have a psychiatrist in the first place since a lot of people can't afford it or aren't aware they need help or I'm sure so many more reasons...

-That I have options. I'm not always happy with them all, but I have them.

-I have a partner who understands mental illness and is patient and loving towards me even in my worst moments

-The internet and that forums like this can provide connection that a lot of us need

-Fresh air because well, it's fresh air

-My bed. Cus it supports me whether I have a huge project spread across every inch of it, obsessively working until morning, and when I can't even move and just want to lie there.

-Anyone who reads this because it's helpful to know you took the time to care. Thank you.

 

That felt pretty good. Still don't feel great, but it's getting my thoughts moving in the other direction at least. Thanks for reading. 

You have a good list.  It made me think - I'm also grateful for the dog(s), and the fact that I can afford care, and my bed - thanks for giving me a moment to stop and think about them.

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