Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Recommended Posts

Hi! New here, just discovered this site while Googling stuff regarding my mental health.

I have several diagnoses, but the one that impacts me most currently is my "quiet" BPD.

I'm on medication for my other issues, but meds don't touch anything with my BPD.

I am doing DBT with a therapist, or attempting to as much as we can with telehealth being a thing currently due to the pandemic.

I've tried working six different jobs since the beginning of 2020. My shortest stint was 3 days, my longest was four months.

My therapist is adamant that I do part time work, I currently receive SSDI for my mental health. She says I have the self awareness and the coping skills, and I do to an extent, but when my anxiety ramps up beyond control from my mood shifting or being so intense, I cannot get a handle on things.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow as a hostess for a restaurant, very different from the jobs I've held in the past (all in healthcare), but I'm not a stranger to food service. I know there are still stressors afoot. I'm hoping I'll be too busy to think about anything, but I'm not hopeful. I live in a small town so things aren't super busy. 

 

How do you cope with working and being symptomatic?

I really want to succeed and feel some kind of "normalcy" for once, whatever that is. I've been sick for so long I can't remember what it feels like to be normal.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey @amisavagee welcome to CB... Just wanted to say I very much relate. I go through stints where I'm high functioning, I've been unemployed for awhile due to mental health. With chronic mental health issues, you always feel like a liability.. I only cope so long before I end up conveniently "phased out" or "laid off"  then I must peel myself off of the floor again, and again.....trying to be normal....

How does "quiet" BPD manifest in your case? I'm assuming you experience very intense, emotional states / dysphoria (and you suppress it all, instead of acting out like typical BPD?)...How long have you been doing DBT? it can be more helpful than meds (if you can find a decent therapist)...a tormenting condition. Good luck with the job and dbt skills!

Edited by Blahblah
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, amisavagee said:

I have several diagnoses, but the one that impacts me most currently is my "quiet" BPD.

I'm on medication for my other issues, but meds don't touch anything with my BPD.

if you feel comfortable sharing, what meds have you tried for your Bipolar Disorder? (BPD)?

I know anxiety can be tough.....I have severe GAD/Panic disorder myself.

Has your therapist suggested any coping skills to use when your anxiety feels out of control?

BTW, welcome to Crazyboards...!!......There's a lot of great people here..!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Blahblah said:

Hey @amisavagee welcome to CB... Just wanted to say I very much relate. I go through stints where I'm high functioning, I've been unemployed for awhile due to mental health. With chronic mental health issues, you always feel like a liability.. I only cope so long before I end up conveniently "phased out" or "laid off"  then I must peel myself off of the floor again, and again.....trying to be normal....

How does "quiet" BPD manifest in your case? I'm assuming you experience very intense, emotional states / dysphoria (and you suppress it all, instead of acting out like typical BPD?)...How long have you been doing DBT? it can be more helpful than meds (if you can find a decent therapist)...a tormenting condition. Good luck with the job and dbt skills!

Thank you for the warm welcome! I'm sorry you relate, it really sucks. And same, just a matter of time before I get laid off....

And yes, exactly. I don't have the violent rage outside, it's all inside. I don't outwardly express my emotions, but I'm definitely screaming on the inside. I've been doing DBT on and off for about....5 years? Sounds about right. My youngest was a baby when I started. I've done it with a few different therapists at this point. I originally started it for C-PTSD, but have been trying to work on my BPD lately. There's a DBT group that's SUPPOSED to start up, but these things keep getting screwed up by Covid honestly.

Thank you! Best of luck to you as well!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

28 minutes ago, CrazyRedhead said:

if you feel comfortable sharing, what meds have you tried for your Bipolar Disorder? (BPD)?

I know anxiety can be tough.....I have severe GAD/Panic disorder myself.

Has your therapist suggested any coping skills to use when your anxiety feels out of control?

BTW, welcome to Crazyboards...!!......There's a lot of great people here..!!

My WHOLE list of diagnoses is:

Schizoaffective Disorder, Bipolar Type
C-PTSD
Borderline Personality Disorder (This is the BPD I'm mentioning, not my bipolar disorder, my bad!)
OCD
Sensory Processing Disorder

It's quite a list and it messes me up so bad.

I have tried working with a therapist on this, my coping skills work initially, but after awhile....well, it comes back to bite me in the ass.

Thank you for the warm welcome! I've been needing a space like this honestly. Struggling alone has been hard. I have pretty much no real friends around me thanks to my mental health and overall instability (I was homeless with three kids last year for over six months as an example) and it's been harrowing lately.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, I can imagine...you are dealing with these illnesses & have 3 kids?  That must be INSANELY tough.... I can barely keep myself (alone) above water. And agreed, this Covid stuff has really been havoc on isolated folks like us, no interaction / support / groups / community. I've also been in (live) support groups & they always helped immensely. Now I just have this online board (but thank god i do, otherwise i probably wouldn't be here). There was a past DBT skills thread here that was active for awhile, people would post what skills they used each day, or challenges they had, get feedback, was good practice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 hours ago, amisavagee said:

 

My therapist is adamant that I do part time work, I currently receive SSDI for my mental health. She says I have the self awareness and the coping skills, and I do to an extent, but when my anxiety ramps up beyond control from my mood shifting or being so intense, I cannot get a handle on things.

I'm starting a new job tomorrow as a hostess for a restaurant, very different from the jobs I've held in the past (all in healthcare), but I'm not a stranger to food service. I know there are still stressors afoot. I'm hoping I'll be too busy to think about anything, but I'm not hopeful. I live in a small town so things aren't super busy.

 

I gather from your post that your therapist is "adamant" about you doing part-time work, but how do YOU feel about doing it?.....I think that how you feel is most important..

Also, from your post, you're saying that you're having the most problems when your anxiety "ramps up"?.......Are you taking any medication for your anxiety?..

I truly hope the hostess job works out for you....Like @Blahblah said, it must be very challenging to have 3 children and deal with your mental illnesses.....I have 2 children myself, but they are adult age now.....

Thanks for reminding me that "BPD" can also stand for Borderline Personality Disorder--I forgot about that......Also, I'm so sorry you had to go through a period of homelessness for awhile with your children....That must have been very difficult....I hope your living situation has improved and you have a more secure place to stay now.

Keep us updated on how things are going.....We are a very supportive community at CB......We're always here if you need to talk, if you need to just vent, or if you have a question........Looking forward to seeing you around..!!

Edited by CrazyRedhead
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Well, my first day went so bad that I quit right after finishing my shift. The shift lead made a comment about how schizophrenics have an evil side to them and a few people agreed with her, right after finishing harassment training which specifically stated to not mock or belittle disabilities of any kind. So I informed the store manager, told her I cannot work with someone who voices things like that due to my having schizophrenia and my paranoia type symptoms as a result. She respected my decision, told me I was always welcome back with open arms, and said she would be retraining the persons involved. Just sigh.

  • Sad 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi @amisavagee, I'm new here too.

So sorry you had to quit - and in such a way! That would have made me too anxious to work with those other people, as well. On top of the fact that you just finished harassment training, it's hard to believe this woman managed to target schizophrenics - who feel generally targeted anyway, AND accuse them of being "evil" - when religiosity can spike delusions and paranoia in schizophrenics. What a shithead. You didn't deserve that.

I quit jobs chronically, and then feel obligated to try again after a while. It's a little crazy...I can see the pattern. But it's easy to imagine yourself doing well when at home and assume that you should do well at work.

When medications and therapy are just barely keeping you going, they are like a life preserver to a drowning person. Adding stress is like expecting the person using the life preserver to also float with an elephant sitting on their back. It just doesn't work. But I do think there's a chance that you'll have good and stable moments in your life where you will feel more capable of work, and times when you won't be able to handle it.

I wish I had advice for coping at work, but I don't.

Have you considered designing a way to be self employed? Maybe doing something more solitary? Writing, gardening, musician, pet care, vendor route...something like that? It's still going to be stressful, but maybe less so.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm very sorry that happened to you, @amisavagee. The irony is that the people who say such things are unable to see their own evil side.

There is, however, one potentially positive thing you could take away from this - you discovered right away that you were faced with what could have become a horribly toxic work environment that likely would have been more detrimental to your mental well-being the longer you stayed. You've probably saved yourself a measure of grief by having the good sense to extricate yourself right away. Don't be too discouraged. The people at the next place you try may be lovely. Plus, your openness in being up-front with that supervisor about why they just lost a new hire might actually get that idiot with the big mouth rehabilitated.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, undone said:

When medications and therapy are just barely keeping you going, they are like a life preserver to a drowning person. Adding stress is like expecting the person using the life preserver to also float with an elephant sitting on their back. It just doesn't work. But I do think there's a chance that you'll have good and stable moments in your life where you will feel more capable of work, and times when you won't be able to handle it.

This is spot-on ^^^^..........I agree, @undone.....

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Thanks everyone for your wonderful responses! Sorry I fell off for a bit.

I know for a fact that I couldn't handle all the stress that comes with self employment. I juggle enough as is. If I'm going to be working, I need someone else to be in charge.

I got an HR report and nothing ended up happening, as far as I'm aware, so good riddance to that job.

I actually found out I qualify for the LEAP program (I'm in California, not sure if this occurs in other states) but it basically gives me priority for state jobs, there's no probationary period, it's basically next to impossible to get fired once you're in.

I talked it over with my therapist and after much consideration, I'm going back to school to get my degree in accounting. Not a super social position, still manages to pay the bills, etc. Things I gotta think about managing three daughters in my life.

Again, thank you everyone for your support. ❤️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 4/1/2022 at 12:41 PM, amisavagee said:

Thanks everyone for your wonderful responses! Sorry I fell off for a bit.

I know for a fact that I couldn't handle all the stress that comes with self employment. I juggle enough as is. If I'm going to be working, I need someone else to be in charge.

I got an HR report and nothing ended up happening, as far as I'm aware, so good riddance to that job.

I actually found out I qualify for the LEAP program (I'm in California, not sure if this occurs in other states) but it basically gives me priority for state jobs, there's no probationary period, it's basically next to impossible to get fired once you're in.

I talked it over with my therapist and after much consideration, I'm going back to school to get my degree in accounting. Not a super social position, still manages to pay the bills, etc. Things I gotta think about managing three daughters in my life.

Again, thank you everyone for your support. ❤️


I am sorry I’m late. Welcome to CB! I’m just reading your posts now. I’m very sorry for your struggles. And I’m appalled and very sorry that your lead at your old job said those things about people with schizophrenia. That’s certainly very ignorant and definitely WRONG. I have schizoaffective as you do. We are not evil people. That I know. And she said this after harassment training? Unbelievable! That’s so bad.

Anyway! Good luck with everything! I actually think accounting sounds like a great career and sounds interesting! I think that’s awesome! Go you for doing this! I think your story is inspirational! You are dealing with so much and you are still fighting every day and now you are going back to school! So cool! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi amisavagee! i did an accounting degree, and though school was very hard for me, it's been well worth it for finding jobs. there's always need for it and you can go as far up or down the professional ladder as you want from doing your CPA to bookkeeping in a small business. the flexibility in the kind of work you can do usually means if you need certain accommodations in the workplace, you can find a place that offers them.

my flavours of brain weasels are OCD, OCPD and generalized anxiety. originally i did accounting because i thought my ideal career was being locked in a small office by myself working without talking to anyone ever (if it isn't obvious i had crazy social anxiety during this time), but even as i have discovered i like people more, i haven't regretted it. the work is routine and consistent and despite what they say, accounting isn't boring. numbers have delightful patterns.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...