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So I "suffer" from depression with a twist of major depressive episodes. Its fun. Anyway...I was wondering is there anyone out there who lost absolutely no one in NY, PA, or D.C. on 9/11 and only watched on TV but can't get over it? Seriously. I can't finish a single book on it, I can't watch anything on TV about it and I get really upset constantly over it. And I only watched on TV. I wasn't there and I knew absolutely no one who died, let alone anyone who KNEW anyone. WTF? I feel stupid that I'm still so upset when all these other people out there who are survivors and friends and family of the dead are the ones who deserve to be upset. Not me. I don't know. Just wanted to see if I was the only one.

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Hi Cenedra, welcome!

When you are already depressed, sad things are only going to make you feel worse. It doesn't take any special connection to an event. 

After the first 30 days of seeing the 9/11 footage over and over, I have avoided watching any of that.  It justn't do me any good. 

You should do the same.  Lets look forward to better things.

Now, are you taking any meds?  Have a pdoc or therapist? 

Best,

A.M.

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Cenedra,

Welcome.

My son (who hadn't yet been diagnosed with schizophrenia),  had absolutely no reaction to 9/11.  When he came back from school that day I'd been thinking all day about how to discuss it with him, what to say,  Business as usual, escept for some excitmenta about the unusual day at school.

My brother who works with severely disturbed adolescents in a residence where they were  sent by the Courts, says that was typical of the kids who lived there too.

When I was a young teen I read all the time about Concentration Camps and got very involved in Holocaust studies. I even did sculpture about it,  drew pictures and more. That was a reaction to an attitude about Judaism in my family (it had been hidden) but I think it was also a symptom of depression.

Although I agree with AirMartial that it is better to try to think of happier things (they do exist!)  it does sound like you need to talk to some adult you trust about this fixation. Maybe you need to confide about other things too.

However, all in all I think your reaction is healthier than my son's  (not that it was his fault).

Best,

rt

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WTF? I feel stupid that I'm still so upset when all these other people out there who are survivors and friends and family of the dead are the ones who deserve to be upset. Not me. I don't know. Just wanted to see if I was the only one.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It sounds to me like you are feeling loss and compassion for those who lost a loved one. The tragedy of that time is so staggering, feeling for it, for the victims and their families, seems totally HEALTHY to me. But to the extent you are stuck in a depression over it, it may require some therapy to help you gain a more "right-sized" perscpective. In other words, turn down the amplification on the obsession aspect.

BTW, a friend of mine's sister was killed in the WTC.

It was also a strange day for me personally, as it was the day my husband's doc told us his brain metasteses had returned and he'd be dead in 2 weeks. (Cancer) So 9/11 will always have a special, very personally feeling of loss for me.

Like VE said, the people who seem utterly indifferent to the ramifications of the huge losses suffered that day are the stranger ones. (I'm paraphrasing what he said) but I agree with the sentiment.

S9

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I was sufficiently upset with that event and the probable (and eventual) carnage of the second war that followed that I think it contributed to losing a job. I managed to resist watcing those planes hit again and again, but I wasn't quite so discipliined about the war.

Some months before 9/11, my own severe pain from an  injury made the pain of others real to me. I spent too much time thinking about all of us at the time experiencing truly nasty problems, whether it was a high level of pain, justified fear of violence, illness, or whatever. It didn't help them. There's always going to be truly awful things going on, enough that if we let them hit us full force we will feel like you do now. I've had a lot of practice in my life trying not to get upset about this stuff. When I was a kid I'd hear about Hamburger Hill (in Vietnam) on the radio. Or the POW's. Compassion is one thing, but when we are depressed we tend to find external events to feed the feeling. It's not wrong to feel the way you do, except that it's hurting you now.

Being upset isn't really a matter of "deserving". I'd guess much of your upset is a predisposition that you didn't choose. So don't feel "undeserving". Just do what you need to do so that this hangup doesn't damage your life. And kill your television! (Ok, maybe just avoid anything about 9/11)

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Thank you for all the input. I appreciate it.  I'm not sure about realitytest's because I'm in my 30s and I think that might be a different reaction than to what teenagers may have felt. I haven't spoken to a prof doc about this because I have no insurance and do temp work. I even switched meds because I couldn't afford the Lexapro anymore. I really don't watch alot of stuff on 9/11 and like I said I can't even finish the Commission report or 102 Minutes. I just happened to be listening to a book at work (data entry-mind numbingly dull) about a fictional account of a video tape of TWA 800 being shot down. Anyway the book's climax occured on 9/11 and I was unprepared to listen the reader describe the planes flying overhead and hitting the towers. I was actually clenching my hands and my pulse was racing. And then I was completely upset and couldn't deal for the rest of the day. Its the same if I try and listen to the soundtrack from the concert they did a week after the attacks with Springsteen, Faith Hill, Wyclef, etc. I just can't stop crying. I've actually given the cds away so I won't listen to them. I just feel that after 5 years I shouldn't be so upset because I didn't lose anyone.

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I can totally relate to what you are feeling. its like you feel like you should be over it but its still almost as scary and raw as the day it happened. it was such a trauma to everyone- even if you didn't know anyone- those images were so terrifying- and we've become accostomed to seeing such violence in film and tv but knowing this was real- it real waas a trauma for everyone.

but like all trauma- some are able to find a way to get through and begin to function again and be able to experiencr happiness again and feel safe again. others like many of us here experience post traumatic stress. don't know why some do and some don't. i just know i have to avoid the news, movies etc that reference it etc. i agree that trying to pull yourself away from the curiosity of reading the commission report etc might be helpful to you.

its really hard to feel safe- i'm afraid something bad might happen at any time- especially beautiful sunny days like that was. 

a pdoc once told me that the thing you fear most has already happened. it took a while but i realized that i was terrified of war, and then that someone had described my home as a kid as  being like a war zone! tying it together really helped me begin to cope with the paralyzing fear.

i hope you can find some support and comfort here.

mrs l

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