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Meth use and ED woes.


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So, I've been battling with ED for a good...oh say 4 years going on 5. I would restrict for months on end until I couldnt resist binging and then doing so until all the weight I lost was re-gained. I guess you could say I have an addictive personality as well which didnt really help.

I came across meth about a good year ago with my ex. We got into cocaine together and I noticed I lost a few pounds off of it. I knew nothing about meth when I first started using. It was "great" because I wouldnt eat for 11 days tops. I was 180 when I first started.

The year past by and I cant recall much that happened. All I remember is being sent to hospitals and treatment centers. The reason I never stopped using and did anything to get my hands on it wasnt because I was afraid of the come down, but because I was afraid of gaining. The last time I was sent to the hospital my weight was 98 pounds. I've managed to stay clean and not get my way back up to 180 which isnt too healthy.

Right now I'm battling with my eating again. I find myself restricting a lot. Beating myself up for my weight more so because the relationship I'm in now is with a man who thinks there is always something wrong with me. I wonder when my battle with my own self love will end. I'm tired of not being able to sit through a meal without ending up in tears.

Anyway..this is my first post. Sorry if my ranting annoyed any of you.

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Right now I'm battling with my eating again. I find myself restricting a lot. Beating myself up for my weight more so because the relationship I'm in now is with a man who thinks there is always something wrong with me. I wonder when my battle with my own self love will end. I'm tired of not being able to sit through a meal without ending up in tears.

Anyway..this is my first post. Sorry if my ranting annoyed any of you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Annoying rants are par for the course. It is the problem of the annoyed. If you get my point.

Rant away! Generally we like to know who we're ranting with in regards to (generally) what your mentally interesting quirks (aka diagnoses) are and treatments. Whether your in treatment or white knuckling behavior changes on your own...

So, we know about the ED and the mean boyfriend...what else? Are you medicated for depression or anything of the like?

Sorry to be nosy, but the info helps us get to know you better and (ostensibly) be supportive.

Meth is of the devil, btw, been there done that. RUN away! Never do it again!

Hugs,

S9

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Hi gabby, Welcome !

I'm glad you had the courage to post. 

Things are sure knotted up for you right now. Losing a whole year in the haze is scary.

This is a knot which is going to require focus and time to improve.  Do you have a mental ilness diagnosis, are you on any prescription meds?

Are you going to NA or another 12 step program?  Kicking the meth has gotta be your first priority.  Nothing else will be clear in your mind till you have beaten it down.

Hang in there,

Best A.M.

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Right now I'm battling with my eating again. I find myself restricting a lot. Beating myself up for my weight more so because the relationship I'm in now is with a man who thinks there is always something wrong with me. I wonder when my battle with my own self love will end. I'm tired of not being able to sit through a meal without ending up in tears.

Anyway..this is my first post. Sorry if my ranting annoyed any of you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Annoying rants are par for the course. It is the problem of the annoyed. If you get my point.

Rant away! Generally we like to know who we're ranting with in regards to (generally) what your mentally interesting quirks (aka diagnoses) are and treatments. Whether your in treatment or white knuckling behavior changes on your own...

So, we know about the ED and the mean boyfriend...what else? Are you medicated for depression or anything of the like?

Sorry to be nosy, but the info helps us get to know you better and (ostensibly) be supportive.

Meth is of the devil, btw, been there done that. RUN away! Never do it again!

Hugs,

S9

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually I ran away from my drug treatment. While I was there I was diagnosed with ED, ADHD, and being a bit bipolar. Though, they were afraid to put me on medication because of the drug history. I'm now living with my dad without any type of treatment.

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Welcome to CB. Sorry you're having such a rough go of it right now.

I myself have been white-knuckling my eating issues for about a year now. Maybe it's time for treatment.

You said you ran away. Treatment only helps/works if you're there to participate. And only if you really want the help. It's your decision, but you already know that.

Sorry, I don't have more to offer than support. It's hard and weight issues suck. But I can sympathize. I'd be on drugs to keep my weight down too if only I didn't hate the way they made me feel.

Croix

( I lived in Vista for a year, I miss it)

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  • 3 weeks later...

hi gabby,

i just wanted to let you know that i used to use meth, too.  a lot.  it made me nuts, but at the time i didn't see that.

and i got down to 98 lbs, too.

when i got off the crap, i definitely gained more weight than i needed for a while.  i think your brain has to do a lot of re-regulating, it feels starved and wants too much, there are addictions you turn to food, etc.  and it's pretty par for the course to get chunky for a bit after recovering.

i also found out my thyroid didn't work anymore around the same time i was quitting drugs.

i now weigh 120-125. 

my point is that your body WILL regulate itself.  you won't always need illegal drugs to "look good."

also - it may be too soon, but i am a former speed freak who now takes "speed" on a daily basis and i've never abused it.

dunno if that helps.

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Gabriella,

I was the king of meth (or at least the court jester of meth).

I used for years, and was my own supplier.

I too am having some weight twitches now. After all those years of using, I got used to myself being thin.

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  • 3 weeks later...

i just wanted to introduce myself. i am a recovering meth addict with 85 days sober. i am also in recovery from anorexia nervosa and a whole host of other mental illnesses.

gaining weight has been the hardest part of sobriety. every single time i look in the mirror i have a craving to use. i pray/meditate/call my sponsor but a lot of people in the program don't really understand the dual diagnosis of an ED and meth addiction. it's frustrating.

just wanted to say hi.

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Welcome Annie.

There's a bunch of former users around these parts, and a lot of support.

Just as a thought, you might want to check out the #crazymeds IRC chat room where a bunch of us hang out.

When that craving crawls all over you, sometimes a message board just doesn't cut it, and you need that live interaction with someone... you need to talk.

There are instructions on how to do the whole chat thing here:

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=757

Many people here, including myself, are proof that it can be done.

Take care of yourself,

InfoNut

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