lei Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 aloha, i've been reading rarely, and not posting at all, for a while. my medical situation has been changing rapidly and i'm about caught up enough to report the course and my state. OCD runs on both sides of my family, and didn't get serious with me until two or three years ago when it got triggered along with severe SA, PTSD, and GAD. i consider my SA and PTSD to be 80-90% healed/managed thanks to great therapy and great benzos. but nothing was really hitting the GAD and OCD, probably because of the genetic component, and i finally surrendered and asked my doc for lexapro, he prescribed 10-20mg daily. i've always been an extreme lightweight when it comes to meds. within a couple days at 10mg i felt much clearer in my head and practically dead in my body. one month later, i'm up to 15mg and feel almost completely clearheaded and only half dead. is the cure worse than the disease? well one biggest side effect for me was/is extreme fatigue. i just have no energy. the other was loss of libido, but my DO (who also happens to be a hormone replacement specialist) took a lab test on me and found my testosterone was severely depleted. he prescribed testosterone creme. it's a miracle. i'm not yet acrobatic but at least one part of me doesn't feel dead! i am female, btw. less intense is a general loss of appetite, like, i'll be able to eat lots of one kind of food for a while and then it'll make me feel nauseous to think about, till something else becomes good. and an old favorite friend, sunlight, feels like too much to handle. with the libido problem solved, are the other effects (especially being a complete sloth) worth feeling sane, if they don't go away? will they go away? i know these things hit everyone differently. so, that's where i've been at. my apologies for being too slothy to reply to threads these days (but i do check for PMs.) blessings to all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianca Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 Glad to here you're doing better.... I gave up on the Lex b/x is was making me depressed. I'm back on Cymbalta and of course my bf goes down on me and I can't O again cry... Does the testoterone creme help with that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 8, 2006 Author Share Posted April 8, 2006 Boyd, thank you for your sending your sweetness, and i hope you heal well, dear. i'm not out and about but like you i am focusing more on the positive. Hi Bianca -- and YES! i couldn't believe it but after weeks without O, a couple days after starting the creme i found myself squirming my legs together, walking into flagpoles....and now i can indeed O. i know everyone's different but it might be worth a try to get your testosterone level tested -- mine was practically zero. to my knowledge ssri's deplete it, so it makes sense to put it back? i hope it works for you. i was crying too. and damn all this taking one thing to cure another but if it works, well...good luck hon and keep me posted, okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breeze Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 lei: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 8, 2006 Author Share Posted April 8, 2006 hi Breeze, good to see you again. and Bart who looks like my Rainey i do in fact have very low blood pressure but i will still ask about clonidine. my pdoc moved away yesterday (wahwah) but i will ask my new one anyway. as to the benzos, i'm still slowly tapering -- and the lexapro is helping with that -- but unless i find a total miracle i really don't mind always having them prn. they certainly are a lot easier on my system than the lex. thank you for your suggestion, and i'm so happy to hear it's working for you! i'll let you know if it seems right for me too. aloha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breeze Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 as to the benzos, i'm still slowly tapering -- and the lexapro is helping with that -- but unless i find a total miracle i really don't mind always having them prn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 8, 2006 Author Share Posted April 8, 2006 Breeze, i just had to jump back in.... my departing pdoc is in the minority that finds reasonable benzos to be benign compared to other things (including anxiety itself). while valium is my staple i have xanax for those "moments" and though i hardly need the latter it's better to know it's there than to fight it. so i'm with you. and back to your earlier post, i recall that we both had great success addressing parts of our anxiety with EMDR and stuff, but the therapy is just so slow with the other stuff, so far, for me. mostly i wanted to add that our rainey is 16 (and loves my new horizontality because she can lie on me all day!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollywoodfreaks Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 I don't know what's going on with you (severity of symptoms, etc.) but going up to 15mg in a month seems pretty fast to me, especially if you say you are a lightweight when it comes to meds. I titrated up on Lexapro VERY slowly and I think that sort of thing can make the side effects much more tolerable, provided you are willing to accept that it will take longer to get your symptoms completely under control. Everything's a trade off, unfortunately. If you can handle it, I would give it more time. The side effects tend to lessen over time while the body adjusts to it, but it takes a while. But then Lexapro never seemed to make me any more fatigued than usual so I'm probably not the best person to be giving advice on this. I have the same sex issues as you had though, and that is the thing that definitely does not get better with time. I'm using Wellbutrin in an attempt to counteract that, and unfortunately it looks like it's going to be a failure. That's really interesting that you said your testesterone was depleted and you think it may be related to SSRI usage. I was thinking about going to someone to get my hormones checked but I want to make sure they won't laugh me out of the building and waste my money. My internist would do it, I'm sure, but I don't know whether he has that kind of expertise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 9, 2006 Author Share Posted April 9, 2006 hey hollywoodfreaks, thanks for your reply. yeah i probably did titrate too fast (my doc has a tendency to think i'm big like him.) at this point, you can probably imagine i don't want to step back down, though if i can't stay awake more than 12 hours a day i might have to. like you said, it's a trade-off. if most of the fatigue goes away i think this dosage will be perfect for my mind. if not, maybe i'll need to deal with my symptoms more or switch to or add on something with a little more zing. i'm really surprised i haven't read more about the testosterone remedy. my DO is a hormone replacement specialist and it's how he treats his ssri patients with loss of libido. and he promised i wouldn't grow balls or hair on my chest (so far so good on that too). i would definitely check it out -- it was an easy blood test with results in a week. though for some reason very few pharmacies carry the cream (it's something that's mixed there, interestingly) but it seems a no-brainer solution. but then i'm no judge of that now, heh. thank you for your encouragement to give it more time. since i've apparently handled the side effect that is least likely to go away, and i'm in a situation where i can do the rip van winkle thing for a little longer, i will try. aloha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breeze Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 i recall that we both had great success addressing parts of our anxiety with EMDR and stuff, but the therapy is just so slow with the other stuff, so far, for me. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> EMDR is slow? Really? I am not talking about it as much this time, but I am doing this again for my back pain. My t-doc has just learned that this is possible. The reason I am not publicly talking about it this time is that it is hitting very close to home. The first session, we just talked about it a bit. My goal, my belief. And that night I had the worst nightmares. We haven't even started yet. I know this is going to be a big one, and I hope that it will take care of more issues than my back pain. But mostly I hope it works for my back. I am so tired of this. Breeze edit to add: I had no luck with EMDR and my anxiety. The reason was the subject was too big. We have, over the years, broken it down into parts. This works much better but still I have problems. I believe that anxiety issues are so deep rooted that even EMDR is a tough way to try and rid yourself of them. But maybe if you try smaller topics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 10, 2006 Author Share Posted April 10, 2006 Breeze, i wish you the very best on your big subject as well as your back. my thoughts are with you. i wasn't typing clearly earlier. EMDR worked amazingly fast for me for SA and especially PTSD. i thought it was gonna be great for OCD and GAD but i found i'd feel good for maybe a day and then the automatic thought patterns just crept up on me. this could have no basis in science but how it seems to me is that PTSD and SA are more emotionally based and the EMDR helped me see their reality from my higher brain, whereas the OCD/GAD are like thought patterns to begin with, there's no higher place to reroute them unless i stay completely spiritually enlightened (heh.) the lexapro really shuts up those thoughts, but now i'm spiraling down because of the physical toll. sadly, i'm thinking i need to step down to 10 after all, and hope my new pdoc is good. i'm so tired of this, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenyflower Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Aloha, Lei, It's good to see you here. yeah i probably did titrate too fast (my doc has a tendency to think i'm big like him.) at this point, you can probably imagine i don't want to step back down, though if i can't stay awake more than 12 hours a day i might have to. Just don't give up the Lex too soon. With both Celexa and Lexapro, I slept more than usual at first and got really yawny in the afternoons. After two or three months, all of the extra sleepiness went away, but I still slept really well at night. Greeny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breeze Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Just don't give up the Lex too soon. With both Celexa and Lexapro, I slept more than usual at first and got really yawny in the afternoons. After two or three months, all of the extra sleepiness went away, but I still slept really well at night. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> But was this for depression or anxiety? lei - I know what you mean about EMDR and the issues you wrote about. I have had great success with PTSD and EMDR, but I didn't do so well with my GAD. Again, I think you need to identify smaller problems, even if there are several, that contribute to your GAD. That way it is easier to work on. Like chipping away at it. EMDR didn't work for me either with my GAD. That has been the long haul of talk therapy and meds. But I am really lucky that my p-doc has gotten up to speed on EMDR. She is the one who has suggested it, and has helped me to identify a core belief. Yeah, and I hear you about being tired of the battle. Sometimes it just gets really old. Breeze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 10, 2006 Author Share Posted April 10, 2006 Greeny -- thank you for the welcome and the enouragement. i really want this to work. until the kryptonite factor became it's own problem, i was so excited about the results. i'm so used to being so active, just recovered from my freakouts and surgery, and now the slightest physical thing is exhausting. but unless my new pdoc recommends otherwise, i'm gonna see it through a little longer. still not sure if i should step down though, now that i've come so far, being on 5 and 10 for the first two weeks, 15 for the next two weeks...? Breeze -- for me it's all for anxiety, i don't know if that makes a difference, but i've never had more than "normal" depression. interesting your chipping away idea. my tdoc is real into that, like as soon as he hears me express something triggery, he'll be like, "okay let's go with that" and on come the lights and buzzers. sometimes we do that several times, my energy really moves, and we get to the table for bioenergetics. if i have a consistent core belief that comes up, it's from my messed-up birth onwards, feeling weak, finding my fire, finding compassion for others, crying for the world, well i guess that's a lot of stuff, but it comes up every time. just thinking about it i can't wait to be able to drive to my tdoc again. i've been relying on my husband a lot as it is. this is physical helplessness like i've never known. thank you both for your understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianca Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Hi Bianca -- and YES! i couldn't believe it but after weeks without O, a couple days after starting the creme i found myself squirming my legs together, walking into flagpoles....and now i can indeed O. i know everyone's different but it might be worth a try to get your testosterone level tested -- mine was practically zero. to my knowledge ssri's deplete it, so it makes sense to put it back? i hope it works for you. i was crying too. and damn all this taking one thing to cure another but if it works, well...good luck hon and keep me posted, okay? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> My issue is that with SSRIs, WB counteracts the inability to O but when I have SNRIs it doesn't seem to work all that much. I reallt think its the Neurepinephrine that inhibits my Os. How the hell do I get past that. Anyway I will ask my doc to get tested for my testosterone levels and might as well get my liver tested too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lei Posted April 10, 2006 Author Share Posted April 10, 2006 hey Bianca, i don't know about SNRIs as i never took one, just that WB isn't an option for me to counteract the SSRI because WB makes me anxious. i'm glad you're getting tested (i got my routine blood stuff tested at the same time which is always helpful) and maybe you'll find an answer there. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bianca Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Thanks I'll let you know what I find out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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