I think, but unsure

[DogMan]

I don't know where in the Dx process I am. I keep replaying recent appointments in my head

 

A book I read mentioned a study, where participants were asked to turn a gas stove off, and asked if they were sure it was off. They all were

Then they were told to turn it on and off 20 times, asked again. Most said they couldn't be sure

 

I do that with memories. Memories of appointments, of growing up, every little thing

 

Angry memories lead to flashforwards of harming or raping people involved, or setting their office on fire

 

Long lockdowns made it worse

 

I question if pdoc said i am or might be. I question why we didn't spend more time on psychosis. I question my memories of psychotic breaks

 

I have sexually deviant intrusive thoughts

 

In my youth, I was hyper aware of my genitals. Focused so much on every physical pulse etc that i suffered terrible premature ejaculation and frequent awkward public erections just caused by wind change or minor vibrations

 

Receiving (I think( the Dx has helped settle some doubts about why I was having the thoughts, which I and friends had assumed were PTSD

 

@CrazyRedheadif it is OK, I would appreciate your thoughts

 

Apparently my excessive emails etc are compulsive

[DogMan]

this is my kitchen table

 

real mess, real OCD

 

and i just wanted to use that line

[CrazyRedhead]

1 hour ago, DogMan said:

@CrazyRedheadif it is OK, I would appreciate your thoughts

Intrusive thoughts (thoughts which are are unwanted), and compulsions (actions, like for instance your excessive e-mails), can be symptoms of OCD.

Have you been officlally diagnosed with OCD?

There are different types of OCD.....I am mostly a checker....I have to check things over and over (is stove off, are windows locked, are appliances unplugged, is door locked, etc........The reason for all this checking (a compulsion), is because of an irrational fear that my house will catch on fire, or that someone will break in house.

However, I also have some germaphobia, and wash my hands a lot, if I touch something which I think might be contaminated......As you might imagie, this trait has gotten worse due to covid.

[DogMan]

1 minute ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Have you been officlally diagnosed with OCD?

It came up with pdoc and case manager. Now, I have replayed memory so much that I am unclear if it is official or working theory. I think I should ask to record appointments

[CrazyRedhead]

1 minute ago, DogMan said:

It came up with pdoc and case manager. Now, I have replayed memory so much that I am unclear if it is official or working theory. I think I should ask to record appointments

Would you be comfortable asking pdoc or case manager if it's official?...........I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't be allowed to record your own appointment, and playing it back could clarify things for you.

[DogMan]

2 minutes ago, CrazyRedhead said:

Would you be comfortable asking pdoc or case manager if it's official?...........I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't be allowed to record your own appointment, and playing it back could clarify things for you.

I should do that. I see case manager on Wednesday

[CrazyRedhead]

1 minute ago, DogMan said:

I should do that. I see case manager on Wednesday

Yes, I think it would be a good idea to talk about it with case manager, and see what's going on with the diagnosis.

[dancesintherain]

checking in with case manager makes sense to me.