Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

I Need Some Feedback


Recommended Posts

Posted (edited)

First of all I want to say I'm sorry that I don't comment or give helpful advice as much as I would like. I just don't feel confident in that area

Here's where I need some feedback. About six months ago I started dating this really great guy good job owns his own home good credit score nice family does everything for me cares about me sex is good.

However I'm noticing that he drinks excessively on the weekends and is becoming difficult to be around. He talks over me, doesn't respond. When he's drunk he becomes annoying, obnoxious and  Goofy and it's turning me off. I love him but I'm not in love with him. I feel as though at age 54 I should just settle and the pros probably outweigh the cons but I don't know. Any feedback any comments anything is helpful thank you I will try to do the same for y'all

Edited by deeschmee
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 5/2/2022 at 11:31 AM, deeschmee said:

First of all I want to say I'm sorry that I don't comment or give helpful advice as much as I would like. I just don't feel confident in that area

Here's where I need some feedback. About six months ago I started dating this really great guy good job owns his own home good credit score nice family does everything for me cares about me sex is good.

However I'm noticing that he drinks excessively on the weekends and is becoming difficult to be around. He talks over me, doesn't respond. When he's drunk he becomes annoying, obnoxious and  Goofy and it's turning me off. I love him but I'm not in love with him. I feel as though at age 54 I should just settle and the pros probably outweigh the cons but I don't know. Any feedback any comments anything is helpful thank you I will try to do the same for y'all

I might be a little biased, because I have been with someone like this before, but a man whose personality changes when he drinks is a red flag for me.

Only you can decide if it's worth it or not to stay with him.........But in my experience, the man I was with started out by being an annoying and obnoxious drunk, and then gradually escalated to being a verbally and physically abusive drunk......Eventually I was in fear for myself, and kicked him to the curb......For me, it wasn't worth it.

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alcohol is the devil.  People do fucked up shit when they're blacked out.  An ex coworker told me her ex partner got drunk and beat her and put her in the hospital (shattered her orbital bone, and did awful damage to her face).  It's a risk to take because he might just be annoying on the weekends, or he'll black out and be a monster. 

My mother is an alcoholic, and every day was bloody ground hog day because she'd not remember the day before, and then would accuse you of lying to her if you brought up a discussion you had with her.  That alone built up a world of resentment and mistrust of her.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I appreciate the feedback. I too have been involved with alcoholics and guess I knew the answer to my own question. It's not healthy for me either because I've been drinking more as well.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Also I was wondering what are some things I could say to him. I struggle with words and having serious conversations. I just don't know how to address it with him

Link to comment
Share on other sites

ever heard of DEARMAN from DBT?  it's a worthwhile starting point and you could type out a script here if you wanted practice:

https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

describe the situation

express your feelings about the situation

assert what you need/ask for what you're asking for

reinforce positive that other person would receive if your need is met

be mindful of the situation

appear confident

negotiate if needed (reduce what you're asking for/asserting in exchange for them agreeing to the reduced request)

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, dancesintherain said:

ever heard of DEARMAN from DBT?  it's a worthwhile starting point and you could type out a script here if you wanted practice:

https://dbt.tools/interpersonal_effectiveness/dear-man.php

describe the situation

express your feelings about the situation

assert what you need/ask for what you're asking for

reinforce positive that other person would receive if your need is met

be mindful of the situation

appear confident

negotiate if needed (reduce what you're asking for/asserting in exchange for them agreeing to the reduced request)

This is great. I think it would help me in other situations too

Many thanks ❤

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

43 minutes ago, dancesintherain said:

You’re welcome!  I use it pretty consistently also.  Seems to organize things well.

My mind needs some organization! ☺

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...