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Chronic psychosis - does yours ever fully remit?

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So we are starting back at the office again (hybrid; two days a week).  I went in Tuesday and Wednesday (yesterday).  So two days in a row (we can vary which days week to week, we don't need a set schedule).  

The subway is a huuuuuuuuge trigger for my psychosis.  There are trackers on there that monitor me and report on my movements to the supernatural people.  Yesterday I was coming home and thought 'It's good, I've been on the subway two days in a row, people have looked at me, but they're not trackers' and then I had the 'THEY COULD BE' come into my head.  Then I started worrying.  

I remain a bit worried today (working from home).  I went to the store in our complex and that was okay - but coming back in there was someone heading for the building at the same time and I thought, that could be a tracker (they try to fool me by acting normal, and they switch in and out, so they think I don't know, but I do).  I mean, I guess I know nobody is tracking me.  But I worry.  I went in the stairs.  Then I got worried people could get into my head and touch my thoughts.

Intellectually I do know that this isn't happening, but - what if I'm wrong and it is?  What if what if what if

It irritates me that something so benign as 'It's good there's been no trackers' can flip a switch.

Does this mean that my psychosis never fully remits, so to speak?  Does yours?  

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yeah if not full blown psychosis it is definitely is psychotic features @the maze runner, I agree.

I was disappointed it cropped up so easily.  Well, I went into the office today and was okay - I had 'yikes' moments on the subway but could talk myself round.  

I have an appointment with pdoc tomorrow so will discuss.  I have room to go up on saphris, not sure if that's necessary or not.  It's just frustrating.

AND last Thursday night I had the old 'can't swallow' thing which I hate when I'm trying to sleep because it's like I'm suffocating (I mean, I'm NOT, but it feels all panicky).  Took 1mg ativan and that seemed to help, or at least, eventually knocked me out.  I was pretty out of it Friday.


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