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I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately. I've read some older posts I've made, read journals, looked at my IP workbooks, my relationships (or lack of), my erratic work history, use of drugs and alcohol, self abuse, partner abuse, low self esteem, kids struggling, no family support and I find no meaning in any of it. Just a lifelong struggle to exist. What is the point? I'm literally a financial drain on society- not looking for pity, just stating a fact. Suffering for 54 years with a few pleasant moments in between does not make any sense to me. My kids aren't even interested in anything I have to share about life. They bite my head off over little things. Maybe I should move far away.....

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On 8/9/2022 at 10:18 PM, deeschmee said:

I've been doing a lot of contemplating lately. I've read some older posts I've made, read journals, looked at my IP workbooks, my relationships (or lack of), my erratic work history, use of drugs and alcohol, self abuse, partner abuse, low self esteem, kids struggling, no family support and I find no meaning in any of it. Just a lifelong struggle to exist. What is the point? I'm literally a financial drain on society- not looking for pity, just stating a fact.

Suffering for 54 years with a few pleasant moments in between does not make any sense to me. My kids aren't even interested in anything I have to share about life. They bite my head off over little things. Maybe I should move far away.....

I very much relate to many of your posts. I've actually taken to the strategy of physically moving/running away (very very far away)..... Truth is, you can never run away from yourself.

I hate reading my previous posts, old journals, workbooks etc. It tangibly shows how little progress I've made. I start thinking about all the loads of therapist that say "tomorrow is a new day" "just ride out these temporary feelings (only feelings) and meaningless thoughts." Some core issues never really go away. I'm afraid my only hope is continue to ride the psych drug train & at best, try to either suppress or compartmentalize the pain, so I can function (somewhat) in life.

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50 minutes ago, Blahblah said:

Some core issues never really go away. I'm afraid my only hope is continue to ride the psych drug train & at best, try to either suppress or compartmentalize the pain, so I can function (somewhat) in life.

Well at the very least it does help to know that you can relate. Makes this big crazy world seem not so big and scary. "One day at a time." 😕

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