[Trigger Suicidal Ideation Warning] Where to find assistance with your final tasks?

[sming]

Hi fellow depressed people,

Long story short, I am at the last chance saloon w.r.t. treatments. I've tried them all, every single one has failed, and one remains - VNS. 

Statistically, VNS will fail and the problem I will face is that there are so many things I want to do in order to bow out as I see fit, and yet I'm so depressed, there's no way I can do them - the irony etc. etc. Logistical tasks, organizational tasks, organizing my finances, making sure I say goodbye to everyone I want to - these are all things I cannot do alone, I'm just so depressed.

Hence, can anyone think of something like Task Rabbit for suicidal people (tee hee)? What do you think a ... rabbiter (?) (the task-doer person) would do if you asked them to help you out with your final wishes and tasks and so on? I've no idea if it's even legal in the US!

I can't ask family because they'd commit me, and my therapist has said several times that she'd be obligated to do the same if I asked for assistance etc. Hence 🤔  

Any thoughts anyone? Any ideas, suggestions?

🙏🏻 

[basuraeuropea]

i do not have an answer to your question but i have been in your exact situation before and the situation has improved for me. i know that those are not words that are helpful at all as when i was told them during the periods of time in which i seriously contemplated and attempted suicide, they meant nothing, but somehow i'm still here and somehow a combination of medications that i had not previously tried (and i thought i had tried everything) has kept suicidal ideation at bay.

having lived in new york city, there are absolutely world-class psychiatrists and psychopharmacologists  there and one would be able to look  at your case and see if there are any missing holes before you decide, if right for you, to take your own life (hopefully with dignity).

i would encourage you to go to a top research institution for treatment, e.g., columbia university (https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/)  or nyu  (https://med.nyu.edu/departments-institutes/psychiatry/). Even if they aren't able to help you at their facilities (although in your case, it wouldn't make sense why they wouldn't), many faculty members have private practices that collaborate with their fellow research physicians on campus.

[sming]

20 minutes ago, basuraeuropea said:

i do not have an answer to your question but i have been in your exact situation before and the situation has improved for me. i know that those are not words that are helpful at all as when i was told them during the periods of time in which i seriously contemplated and attempted suicide, they meant nothing, but somehow i'm still here and somehow a combination of medications that i had not previously tried (and i thought i had tried everything) has kept suicidal ideation at bay.

having lived in new york city, there are absolutely world-class psychiatrists and psychopharmacologists  there and one would be able to look  at your case and see if there are any missing holes before you decide, if right for you, to take your own life (hopefully with dignity).

i would encourage you to go to a top research institution for treatment, e.g., columbia university (https://www.columbiapsychiatry.org/)  or nyu  (https://med.nyu.edu/departments-institutes/psychiatry/). Even if they aren't able to help you at their facilities (although in your case, it wouldn't make sense why they wouldn't), many faculty members have private practices that collaborate with their fellow research physicians on campus.

Hi @basuraeuropea, thanks so much for your message. I can tell by how you wrote this that you've been in my situation. I'm sorry that things were this bad for you, I would not wish it upon my very worst of enemies (if I had any). 

So it turns out I am in NYC and have been working with Mount Sinai's TRD team, specifically Dr. Figee (PDoc who I'm not a fan of), Dr. Aloysi (ECT) and Dr. Kopell (VNS surgeon, don't know him yet), but overall with their TRD team. Long story short: I've had TR depression, TR OCD, TR chronic pain, TR ADD and more for 28 years now and nothing has worked. Not Ketamine, not ECT, not dTMS, not Nardil, not Parnate, Effexor, Combos up the wazoo, the list goes on ad infinitum. 

Hence, sadly, it's highly statistically unlikely that the VNS I am getting - hopefully - soon, will have any kind of meaningful effect.

Your words don't mean nothing, since they are well-intended and kind. I just don't believe them because of my depression and because nothing has ever worked, despite my 28 year efforts.

All the best, Pete

[basuraeuropea]

hi pete,

have you researched bilateral cingulotomy for treatment-resistant depression? i know it's very infrequently done, but in your case it seems justifiable. i know that it's most often performed for tr ocd, but studies have shown that it is also effective for tr depression as well in some. https://www.neurosurgery.columbia.edu/patient-care/treatments/cingulotomy

if mount sinai isn't working out, perhaps a change to another research hospital would be appropriate and columbia seems to be one of, if not the most well-qualified in the city.

[basuraeuropea]

also, i saw a documentary on this particular woman who was treated at ucsf with deep brain stimulation using an implanted device. https://psychiatry.ucsf.edu/news/treating-severe-depression-demand-brain-stimulation

edit: here's a news story on her case:

and a video released by ucsf:

their team might be able to help you. that, along with bilateral cingulotomy are options that might bring you relief. perhaps vns will, too.

Edited August 21, 2022 by basuraeuropea

[Iceberg]

Any chance of a longer-term residential program? Insurance often won’t pay, but many top programs have them 

[Hopelessly Broken]

No one here is going to assist you in any form with partaking in suicidal behaviour, which whether you see it as that or not, this is suicidal behaviour. End of story. 

Edited August 22, 2022 by Hopelessly Broken

[Cerberus]

sming -

Crazyboards does not entertain questions of the nature that you have posted here. We do not assist members in planning for suicide, either directly or indirectly.

While we understand your desire not to be committed to care by family or your care team, we cannot assist you in circumventing it if, in the opinion of your care team or those who know you best, it would be in your best interest, and particularly not if your life is in the balance and you are making your decision on the basis of suicidal ideation. It is far beyond our scope as an internet support forum.

In addition to the alternatives @basuraeuropea mentions, there are also emerging treatments based on clinical trials in psilocybin and MDMA that show some promise with treatment-resistant depression. You may wish to investigate the possibility of becoming involved in such a trial. My pdoc believes that psilocybin treatment bay be openly available in clinical settings as early as 2025.

With regard to the question at hand however, I'm afraid this topic cannot be entertained and must be closed.

 

Cerberus
Moderator