avoiding friends...

[Guest hodes]

hello,

    well, a buddie of mine from the college i use to go to was going to a concert about 30 minutes from where i live. i've been in this depressive slump and didn't feel like entertaining people. he called me about 3 times and i didn't pick up. i felt bad, but didnt want to explain myself to him about why i didn't want to hang out. plus he was going to be drinking and stuff like that. well, anyways, online i was talking to him and told him i wasnt feeling well and was sorry that i missed his calls and what not.

  well, fast forward a week later. i'm suppose to go up to the college to see my friends and hang out. get out of town for a couple days. well, he'll be there. he's my good friend and stuff. he calls me and says, "hey, you coming up this weekend? don't come friday, so we don't have to hang out." and he hung up on me. it put me in this weird state of emotion. i'll end up seeing him tomorrow. how do you think i should go about this. i'm just confused, anxious, depressed, blah blah. you know. would like some feedback. thanks for reading. hodes

[Magnolia]

I go through the same things with my friends all the time, so much that they expect me to flake out on them.  They now understand that I am going through a difficult time.  I asked my tdoc the other day how I can deal with the fact that I don't want to see my friends.  He told me to just say that I am going through a tough time, I'm sure you don't want to hear/talk about it because I barely want to talk about it.  Just please understand as much as you can.

I would apologize to him and try giving a brief explanation for what happened.  But honestly, he probably won't understand.  It's tough for others to understand what we go through.

I'm not the best advice giver but I wish you the best.

[Catnapper]

he calls me and says, "hey, you coming up this weekend? don't come friday, so we don't have to hang out." and he hung up on me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I don't want to sound blunt, but someone who said what that person did and hung up the phone on me would no longer be in the category of what I consider "friends", unless they were ready to apologize for being rude and hurtful when I was feeling bad.  I don't know about you, but when I'm depressed, I'm very fragile and it takes a lot of effort for me to visit with people, even those who are my good friends and know what's going on with me in terms of my mental health, or lack thereof. 

Even if this person doesn't realize that you may be truly ill and just thinks you're a bit down (and there's no need to discuss your actual diagnosis with them), it still doesn't excuse their rude behavior.  You don't have to take shit like that from anyone.  If I were you and were going to be in a group of people where this person was present, I think I would say hello, and then basically avoid them the rest of the time. 

I have educated many of my friends on depression and its treatment, but I'm careful about who I share that information with, since there are so many jerks in the world who still think any sort of mental illness is some moral weakness that you can "just snap out of".  Yeah, right.

I've also found, as many here have, that disclosing you have been diagnosed and are being treated for MI will weed out some of your friends and family.  Some people can't handle the concept and you can tell when you're talking to them and you see that curtain come down in their eyes.  It's a sad but true fact of life among the crazies, and I've been surprised by some of the people who have been o.k. with it, and some of the ones who absolutely haven't - if I'd had to guess ahead of time I wouldn't have always correctly picked who would end up in which camp. 

I'll be on maintenance meds forever and I still get asked when I'm going to quit taking "all those drugs!"  Would they ask me that if I was taking drugs for high cholestorel or diabetes?  It's hard to to be depressed (my particular flavor of MI) and have to put up with such ignorance from otherwise intelligent people.

At any rate, I hope some of your other college buddies are more understanding and fun to be around than the person who hung up the phone on you, and I hope you have a good time over the weekend.  Let us know how it all turns out.