Has this happened to anyone?

[gizmo]

I've been on Xanax for bipolar anxiety/panic attacks for about 18 months now. I started off with .5 as needed. Of course, I built up a tolerance to the drug and now I'm at 2mg as needed. I generally take about 5 once-daily doses a week for my needs. I'll tell you now I grew up with an alcoholic and drug abusing father (sober 14 years!) and am generally hateful of all pills, but deathly afraid of becoming "addicted" to Xanax. In the beginning, I wouldn't take the medicine when I needed to because of this fear, and my doctor had to literally give me permission to take the drug.

Here's my question: I take a whole host of other bipolar meds, which I've been taking the whole time. They don't work on my anxiety or general agitation (which is my first step towards a full blown obsessive anxiety meltdown) So when this begins to happen, I take my Xanax. Work generally stresses me out. I don't work in a stressful enviornment, I'm just a perfectionist who's hyper aware of every mistake I make and want to be the perfect worker so something right will go on in my life.

ANYWAY, the xanax at work allows me to be totally focused, alert, able to concentrate, able to joke with others. I'm my "normal" self. On the days I don't take it because I have this insane fear of taking it every day, I can't concentrate to save my life, I can't focus on anything, I'm not productive at all. Two days ago I spent two hours on the computer at work looking up electronic drums I can't afford for my husband! The only bad side is about 8 hours later, I'm tired from the med.

Does Xanax have a normalizing effect like this on anyone? My pdoc said it was ok, but acted a little surprised by the number of PRN pills I've had to take in the last 30 days. The regular bipolar meds aren't making me manic; I'm on enough mood stabilizers to choke a horse. I don't feel "good" when I take it at work, just a better worker.

Am I the weirdest of the mentally interesting?

Gizmo (who tends to type fast, hence, a LOT)

meds: 200 mg topomax, 20 mg celexa, 1 mg risperdal, 40 mg geodon, 2 mg xanax PRN (HA!)

[Croix]

Xanax doesn't have a "normalizing" effect on me, but if you're taking it daily prn, then it's probably not the right drug for you. The tolerance builds up too fast, and you can become dependant. Then the withdrawals are a bitch.

You should really talk to your doc about this. A longer acting benzo may be in order. Xanax XR, Valium, etc. Of course benzo's aren't going to fix your anxiety. They should really be used in conjuction with therapy to get all that worked out. You said you were a perfectionist at work and that made you stressed and anxious. Therapy and relaxation exercises can go a long way in helping. But yeah, talk to your doc about the xanax.

Croix

[gizmo]

Thanks for the information. I think I need to clarify some information I may not have stated correctly in my previous post. I take the Xanax for anxiety attacks and panic attacks. The anxiety attacks are usually brought on by my weirdo bipolar brain's way of thinking: my boss didn't smile at me when I walked in the door, therefore she must think I'm a bad worker, therefore I must be doing a bad job. If I don't do something to calm down, this anxiety and obsessive thinking will snowball and over the course of the day, the voice in my head will convince myself I'm going to be fired. Pretty soon my BP will be 75 points higher than normal, I will be running a fever, my stomach will feel like it's dropped to the floor, and I literally won't be able to work. I'll fall apart.

I'm an intelligent person. I understand my illness. I understand what bipolar is and that these thoughts are irrational. I tried for years and years to simply will the thoughts away. I've tried therapy more than a dozen times (three times since I've been diagnosed). I've quit every single time for one simple reason: none of these doctors told me anything new that I didn't already tell myself in a conversation in my own head. Trust me, it is not any more theraputic hearing it from another person than hearing it from yourself. I'm lucky in that my pdoc appointments are an hour each month, and we often talk about more than just my meds, so I guess he's my therapy :-)

The anxiety had nearly ruined my life. I've had times that weren't so bad, and I didn't take the Xanax. I went a month or so without taking it once. But I've cycled again, and I the anxiety is back. That's the reason I've been in medication searching hell for the past two years, trying to find the right meds so that I don't have anxiety and don't need xanax anymore. If this med doesn't work, I have to go on lithium, and I really don't want to go there.

So thanks again for the info about the meds. I don't know why I felt the need to tell you my life story - I guess I didn't want you to think that I was just an idiot popping a pill rather than dealing with some minor perfectionistic performance issues.

Gizmo

[robotlove29]

i don't take xanax daily currently, but i did for about a month when i was particularly anxious.....

i think you are right, when i was calmed down by it, i could focus and get work accomplished. i think maybe it's because you aren't as concerned with what is happening around you...less distractions?? less perfectionist worries??...i'm quite the perfectionist so maybe that has something to do with it...

i think i've built up a tolerance too, but i'm too afraid to ask for the 1mg pills..... :-/

[myevilme]

I hear ya about anxiety ruining your life. I did about everything to escape it, drugs, sex, and other things I don't want to mention. It can be horrible. I took xanax for about a year and a half when I was in high school. It worked great for me but like you I had to up my dosage every few months and I became addicted. It did have a normalizing effect on me. Other kids at school would take them and get all messed up and slober around like they were drunk, and I would just sit there and finally feel at peace with myself for once. No intoxication or anything. Now I've been on klonopin 2mg a day for over a year. It works alot better for me because of the longer half-life and seems to be better then helping prevent panic attacks then stop them. I still have my bad days but ah well. I am physically addicted, I know it, my pdoc knows it, but it comes down to a quality of life issue. Do I live my life in constant anxiety/agitation or take a medication that allows to be more "normal" during the day. I'll take the pill thank you hehe. Anyway, talk to your pdoc about your concerns, there's plenty of options out there for treating anxiety. I went through the therapy route too, but it didn't help much (I"m bipolar too and talk therapy just doesn't seem to help it much). Ok, enough rambling, wishing you the best.

[Sylvia]

Hey Gizmo

I understand how painful a panic attack can be. I have been through time periods when the anxiety and panic was unabatting. I have been in intensive therapy for many years, with several p-docs and t-docs. I was sober in AA for eighteen years, did all the steps, but when I entered into a stressful time, for me, it was "Katy, bar the door."

Its impossible to go around feeling like you are going to faint, walking sideways, having to pull over in traffic so you don't crash, being homebound. I get it, too well.

It sounds like you understand your predicament, and show concern for the addictive nature of benzos. I got off of Xanax, to ativan. Xanax scared me and I was on a small dose, my p-doc laughed at me, when I was tritating down, and was talking about 1/16th, mere crumbs. He told me I was probably going to be alright. Yet, my anxiety brought more anxiety to the withdrawl fear.

I guess I am not giving you any real advice, except to tell you that hopefully you can find the right med, and that this period of time is temporary (in my lifetime, that is about one to two years!!). Anyway, you are in my thoughts.

Sylvia

[lilie]

When the effects of panic are lessened you feel more normal so maybe thats the normalizing effect. But I had wicked side effects on xanax so my benzo of choice is klonopin.

lilie

[fred-c]

I take 1mg of xanax at bedtime, 0.25 at 8 am and 0.25 about 2 pm. I titrated to this about 5 years ago and have been here ever since. The 1mg at bedtime makes me very tired. The 0.25mg's seem to make me feel normal. I think I take the large dose at night to make me sleep. I don't worry about the addiction. I know I am but have been addicted to much worse things. Put your mind at ease and just take what you think you can get by with to feel "normal". Try not to worry too much about the addiction. Worry about abuse if it applies, which it sounds like it doesn't. That's my take on it .

[Sam]

I take the Xanax for anxiety attacks and panic attacks. The anxiety attacks are usually brought on by my weirdo bipolar brain's way of thinking: my boss didn't smile at me when I walked in the door, therefore she must think I'm a bad worker, therefore I must be doing a bad job. If I don't do something to calm down, this anxiety and obsessive thinking will snowball and over the course of the day, the voice in my head will convince myself I'm going to be fired.

Gizmo

Ya know, it's funny that you mentioned this. Just recently I have had several anxiety attacks over my insensitive supervisor at work. MAN she just pushes my trigger, and doesn't even CARE. The more I try to calm down, the worse it gets. So I take a Xanax and calm down. I don't get tired or anything. I just return to normal.

I used to have these attacks quite regularly, and something would always set me off, I mean, they wouldn't just happen out of the clear, blue sky. But as my meds were closer to being helpful in any way, I found all of that to lessen. That's really what it is supposed to be doing. I have never thought of my anxiety attacks as being part of the whole BP thing, but it should would make sense if they were. Most often I wll just break out into hysterics and cry until I can't cry anymore. Break capillaries sort of crying. But I DID take a Xanax the other day when this happened with my supervisor, and it did help calm me down and return me to a normal, functioning human being, whereas before I would just be destoyed for the rest of the day.

I have tried to get an answer about my hysterical crying...if it is just depression, dysphoric mania, a "mixed episode" or what.

But if your anxiety attacks are not getting further apart, you probably need to have a med change, because we aren't supposed to freak out about stuff like our crappy supervisors looking at us the wrong way. Even though we do. We should just be able to say, "Fuck 'em."

Ooh, gone on too long. Not a surprise. Anyway, all of that to say I know what you are talking about.

Sam

[resonance]

I took klonopin for a while for similar symptoms. After going off it and finding out that I couldn't be normal off it, my pdoc added a low dose of seroquel, which has been incredibly helpful in allowing me to function normally.

[reba6465]

Klonopin works wonders for me. I highly recomend it. I built up a tolerance to xanax ina week.