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rFunny how it takes pain to cure Pain--

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This is a totally quiclk update for those of you who "know" me--surgery took almost7 hours, 5 daqys in hpsital, now home with back brace for FOUR weeks, then we will see what happens/

But-the previous pain is gone, replaced by other more intersting but less scary pains. No energy, but feel very mentaly stable.

Will write more--I have the energy level of a Palmetto bug

Love to you all-=-



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Welcome back. You have a thoughtful and concientous daughter to come give us updates on your surg.

Sounds like you made that surgeon earn his money! Glad that you have gotten relieve from the spinal pain.



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I DO have a smart/brilliant. superior daughter--am very proud of her.

Now for the BAD news--it seems that tho I had worked at my job the requisite 90 days, in order to qualify for benefits/disabiliyt, I had to be working on the first work day of the following month, which would have been May 1. I could have done that--but no one even told me about the disability payments, far less having to work, even part time, thru May 1.

So-no short or long term disability payments, no money at all coming in. Period. None We went from $125 a week until I could be released to nothing.

I am just trying to be totally numnb, because if I lose it and start crying I will die. I don't know what we wil do--its at least 8-10 more weeks till I can work,or start looking for a job. (NOT going back to Easter Seals unless its the only job in town)

China--who is tired of and very worried about the constant helicopters and tanker planes flying ovet my house all day every day to fight the hundreds of fires buring everywhe in the state.


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oh chani, im glad the surgery went well and that you have a great recovery nurse but im SO SORRY about the disablitity situation! i pray that SOMETHING can be worked out for you. thats a tough hit to take on tope of everything else! good luck and godspeed!

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Ugh, china, I hope that disability stuff gets worked out. Money is a bitch. I have no idea how people manage to support themselves for extended periods of time.

I'm glad your surgery went well and you're in less pain, though. That's really important, too.

*good vibes*

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The worse part of all is that I never requested or even asked about the coverage--it was offered to me by my company, my doc filed everything out, and I was told REPEATEDLY by the HR person and Aetna that I would beging to receive checks in about 2 more week--they even told me the approximate amouint..

WHY didin't someone bother to check the "rules" before al this- I would have worked those extra 6 days--but no one told me, and I was given the forms almost a week before my last day.

I don't understasnd this--I didn't do anything to deserve this. But somehow, deep inside, I knew that this was too good to be true--things just don't fall that way for me, never have, even when I have no part in the actions that produce the reactions

china--who gave up on the "not crying" thing and is a complete and total, take 2 Klonopin right now mess

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This does suck big time.

I would write a letter, or call around, or make a pest out of myself. You were given incorrect information. There has to be something that can be done.

Hang in there. I am glad the surgery is over. And this sucky stuff will pass too.


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Done, and done--no change in situation, nor can there be, because I did not work those last 6 days, which I sure would have done to get the disability. (if only someone had toldme)

Really getting depressed, not just healing-from surgery depressed, but the bad, mean, dark, ugly place I have been and don't want to visit again.

Husband has been the bright light here lately, tho--what a blessing to live with someone who knows me so well, acepts me and wants only the best for me. Who never gets angry--even tho sometimes he doesn't quite undertstand things--

A Very Scared China

P.S. I cannot imagine my life without this board. Thank you all a million times for being only a "click" away--you are more family than most of my "relatives"

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Ever hear the phrase"working poor"? Earn not enough $$ to live on,but too much for any type assistance? Welcome to my world..

Besides, the error was on the part of the so-called HR person at my former job--she just fucked up, and tho it would improve the world vastly, one cannot sue someone for being a stupid, un-informed fuck up' Rhe courts would have to go out of business cause they would be so swamped with cases--

The drepresion is getting worse--got a call from my son today, after over a year at his job, being promoted from "bag boy" to the manager of the entire grocery dept (health foods store)--he gave his notice as they are being sold to a big chain., and probably closing that store. Boss's reply? Leave now, I will esccort you to the door/ He is handling it so well, because he knows it was not his fault.

BTW--if you live in the Richmond, VA area and shop at Elwood Thompson-please stop.

I am totally wiped out can't even begin to look for a job, So I just sleep and eat and sleep more--very dangerous pattern for me. God knows I do NOT want to try to adjust meds right now. bit I am so tired of being sad. Before, the physical pain sort of bloked out all the emotional malfuntions . Pain gone--and guess who is back from lurking in the shadows??

I never asked for any of this, and I refuse to think that my "karma" is what caused all my problems--as stateted to me last night by a so-called friend. My soul hurts, and my spirit hurts, and I cannot figure out what to do to change those things. Its just psychic pain, unending, like the back pain before it.

I'm so tired and useless and worried--

I know this sounds incredibly whiney and full of self-pity, especially to those who do now know me. But once I got the BP meds stabalized, I have felt great--where as I used to cycle 5-8 times a day. No more cycling-this time-I just don't come up, even for air.

Thank you all for love and god wishes and for being my family--

lovr china

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Hi China,

Sorry to hear about your son.

I so know what the working poor issues is like. We make just enought to not qualify for any assistance too.

And you don't sound whiny to me. It just sounds like you have more than your share of crap to deal with.

I can't help much, but I can listen. Bitch away.

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Visit to doc office today--X-ray shows everything in place, but its 4++++,more weeks in brace, mostly lying down (I am sitting up too much) THEN another x-ray, and --maybe be allowed to do limited walking, etc. (riding in car, etc) without brace. Then--who knows?

So--I am truly facing months and months of just lying on the couch. Yes, the BIG pain is gone, but I have a fever every afternoon (normal, they say) and the brace is horribly uncomfortable on the incisions (which are NOT little, they are HUGE--but healing)

Hubby got his yearly review today, and although he is one of their most "outstanding techs" (their words) because he has clocked in a total of TEN MINUTES late over 12 months, no raise.What kind of idiot devised that review form? What kind of idiot wrote it up? He wants so bad to quit, feels they have fucked him (so do I) but we cannot possibly move now, and the way things are looking, won't be able to move--ever, because I won't ever be able to go back to work full-time.

Maybe by next June, 2007, when I start getting social security--

I am just bottoming out really bad--no cycling, just constant depression, crying, total nothing--just sleep, eat, and cry. If I had known all this, I swear I would have just killed myself and the pain would have been gone and I would not be the huge, 135 lb. burden to everyone in my family, just lying on the couch, crying.

I feel like I am in the bottom of a giant pit, and I can't even see any light at all--I hurt, inside and outside, and nothing makes any thing any better. I am alone, totally, and I seee no way out of anything--

Sorry for the whining--but jesus, I am glad I can whine here--

china--I have to go back and lie down, I have used up my 1 hour of sitting today--

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and I refuse to think that my "karma" is what caused all my problems--as stateted to me last night by a so-called friend.

*ahem* allow me to say this to your friend, as tactfully and as gently as possible: WHAT THE FUCK ARE THINKING DICKHEAD? DO YOU SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THAT CRAP YOU ARE SPEWING?


if i may: doom saying and predicting no hope for the future, right now, is about one of the most senseless things you can possibly do. you don't KNOW that you won't heal, that you won't be able to work...the whole point of surgery was to rehab you! pain is gone, you are healing from major surgery AND anesthesia, which knocks MI people on their asses.

please, make a decision to NOT judge your future from how you feel, right now. you don't have all the facts. you are NOT facing months on the couch, because if you remain on the couch you won't be able to rehab your body. got that? you're a nurse, you know about having to get up and move. you know this stuff, professionally & you know you will not be on the couch for months.

now, here are some tissues, have a good cry, then LET YOUR BODY HEAL.

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Thanks--unforetunately, tho, the couch thing IS for real. I can start walking 5-10 minutes a day, but I am not to be sitting up for more than 1 hour a day. So add say 30 minutes a day, walking, 8 or so sleeping, and you got a whole lotta time on the coach, waiting for everything to knit together. NO EXERCISE/PT until every thing is healed, knitted/grown together/etc/

I know I will be doing PT and all that crap eventually, but not for at least 6 more weeks--so thats a lota couch time. I am going to run out of Gilmore Girl DVD's, and then all bets are off.

Yeah, it wasn't really a friend--I mean, who would say something like that to a friend?

Thanks for the positive, go-team-go messxage--I really appreciate Any thing I get thats [positive. I even [rint them out to save and re-read. (I do, no shit)

So thanks again, and love,

china, the couch queen of Volusia County and environs (at least I don't have to worry about getting eaten by gators if I'm on my couch. And the fires are 25 miles south of here--safe for a while. What a wonderful state)

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