phone convo with my old manager....

[~nestling~]

So, I left her a note when I left early on Saturday, sick leave, as verified and ok'd by my GP. Due to efexor withdrawal, the anxiety, and not feeling safe once the library got busy.

Today she phoned me at work..not sure why really...but I asked her, as I had in the note said that I could get a sick note from my GP if needed..she was willing to offer one, and I see her tomorrow..

And she was all O but you are better now, it is getting better, so on and so on and I tried to explain to her that its not a linear process, and what happens happens...I've told her many times how efexor is a nasty med to come off...

and then she likened coming off an AD to quitting smoking (something she has herself done) now, I admit I've never smoked, but no way...I mean, I was really ill and paranoid and everything last week...this week I'm getting dizziness and sickness....more physically....and it is not a barrel of laughs in any shape or form...

I'm considering asking my GP for a sick note anyway...just to show her that my suffering is real and valid and not a game in the park...

I mean, I've had letter from OH, her talks with HR, the transfer (I'm just at the old place on Saturdays..) to show her what depression and anxiety (and PTSD of course but she just knows the depression) is like and has a tangible effect and isn't my fault.......

Suggestions please....how can I explain to her????

[tallulah]

take your time, get better. quitting smoking (which ive done) was a difficult thing to overcome. mind you, i now smoke again. heh. now. coming off effexor was one of -the- hardest things ive ever had to do. i took time off of work myself and luckily, i have a VERY understanding boss who let me take as much time as i needed. so i truly understand what you are going through. i was sick for a very long time...so if she is giving you THAT much of a hard time, i would just go ahead and get the sick note from your GP. over and done with.

it was nice of you to go ahead and explain the process of your effexor withdrawl, having depression, anxiety... etc (and them some), but a lot of people dont even go that far... you went the extra mile. she cannot force you to work if you are not physically or mentally able to do so - especially if your doctor is in agreement with you.

tal

[AirMarshall]

I don't know the laws in UK about requirements to disclose reasons for sick leave.

In the US, one cannot be required to disclose the reason for sick leave. A note from a doctor simply stating that you require so much time off for illness is all that's required.

I think you have have done your best to explain it too her. You are not obligated to try and convince her that you are in fact ill. Get the note from your doc and give it too her.

Don't get wrapped up over her lack of medical training or inability to appreciate the complexities of psychiatric meds.

a.m.

[punky]

Quitting smoking does not carry a serious risk of suicide or mental breakdown; quitting an antidepressant does.

People don't start smoking to improve their health. You started taking effexor to improve your health. Now you are not only dealing with withdrawal, you are also dealing with your illness, unaided, at the same time.

Give her the doctor's note for your own peace of mind.

[Catnapper]

Don't get wrapped up over her lack of medical training or inability to appreciate the complexities of psychiatric meds.

I have to second AirMarshall on this one. I think the more you try to tell her the less she's going to understand at this point. Some people are just ignorant and you've got enough to worry about without trying to change someone's mindset. The less said to her is probably better.

I had a boss like that once who was sure I was malingering and once that became apparent, then it was obvious there was no way I could convince him of anything so I quit trying and provided any doctor note that was wanted. The doctors will never reveal what's wrong, so there's no need for the patient to. Hope your boss finds something else to worry about.

[peeej]

Quitting smoking does not carry a serious risk of suicide or mental breakdown; quitting an antidepressant does.

quitting smoking, at least for my skinny low-BP self, did NOT include vertigo and flu-like aches either.

It sounds like your boss is relating her experience of quitting as a way of trying to understand, which we could see as her way of minimizing what you are going through, but it could also be a positive sign that she sort of understands that the body is affected by withdrawing. she just doesn't quite understand the extent in this case.

I like the way punksailor worded that - because yes - quitting smoking is difficult; it plays with one's emotions and body and is not an easy thing. but it isn't the same thing.

You can tell her you spoke with folks who have done both, and along with Dr. note, mention that people you know who have done both, had to take time out for the effexor withdrawl, but not for the smoking cessation.

please don't feel like you are taking sick leave illegitimately. i think you know from how you feel, that it IS necessary.

pj

[~nestling~]

thank you everyone....your support and advice mean a lot....

I spoke to my GP this morning...she would have given me a note for the whole day....but said its not her job to negotiate hours and such (as in my needing to leave early when feeling overwhelmed last week...)

in the UK, in my council at least (in a library is for the local council) we have to state reason for sick leave. if we take full days off, we have to fill in a return to work form in the presence of a manager....and say explicitly why we were off ill. I just put Depression. What else can I say?

My new manager, during the week, is very different though...says any time I need to take a break during the day I can, I don't even have to ask her. ....

Well, I can simply say what I was talking about with my therapist this afternoon...last week I was ** close to needing to go into hospital, the emotional symptoms I was experiencing were so overwhelming....and that's the truth.....