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Dear "Normals" of the Internets:

Learn the following, and learn it good:

1. I will not refer to quadrophenia's lifelong severe OCD as "tendencies" ever again, now that I know how trivializing that sounds.

2. NOT ONE MORE WORD about Monk.

3. Compulsions are not "choices".

4. We aren't all "germophobics", and we don't all handwash.

5. Stop trying to "relate" by telling quadrophenia all about how you have to give your coffee mug a quick tap on the handle before you grab your keys and go in the morning. That doesn't qualify you to "know how it feels", by a long shot.

6. "Wow, that sucks" is not a compassionate response. It sounds about as heartfelt as does the bank teller who's forced to mumble "Have a nice day" at me by rote after every transaction, upon threat of discipline by employer.

7. quadrophenia is a professional photographer, not a pediatric psychiatrist; therefore, you'd do well to ask a qualified expert whether your cousin's six-year-old daughter's toy-arranging habit really could be OCD.

Got it? Way to go. I knew you could! A+ for the day. It doesn't take a gifted and talented whiz to figure this stuff out, dig?

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Must .... bite.... tongue....

Ok. This is a "People Suck" board. Which means members come here to post out of frustration when, well, people are sucking. They don't need a crappy response which demonstrates more people suckage.

If you have a comment/response state it, please. [i'm rather irritated by the "i'm not going to comment" type comments]

Personally, this ticked me off.

Quadrophenia is pissed and frustrated.

... what is the purpose of just trying to agrivate someone?

Holy Crap.

Just take that extra 10 seconds before you reply.

And Quadrophenia-

I'm sorry to sound like I am defending you without your consent, but honestly, I am really irritated at these sorts of responses.

~navy~

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quadrophenia -

Sorry to hear you're getting treated badly and misunderstood. I like to imagine that in a few hundred years people will look back to this era and think the way we as people with various MI diagnoses are viewed by society will seem as appalling as the 19th century and earlier insane asylums appear to us today.

I've often wished that I could pop open the top of my head and point to the parts of my brain that don't work right so that people could see that yes, there is something in there out of whack.

And if you're a professional photographer, you have my respect for your patience and ability to deal with the public. I'd be arrested after the first day on the job unless I had a reliable source of tranquilizing blow-darts to keep the little kids in line. Somehow I doubt that "Sit down and shut the F*&K UP!!" would bring in much repeat business.....

I hope people will take your requests to heart.

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Oh! And can we talk about all the crap ADD gets nowadays? "Oh, I forget things too. Oh I get confused too." I'd rank those right up with the tapping of the mug crap.

"ADD isn't really a medical disorder/you Americans take drugs for anything, doncha?/Everyone does those things/you worry too much" etc etc. etc.

Yeah, I agree w/ Catnapper. "BITE ME!" isn't really a people-friendly response either.

Rant away, quadrophenia!

lily

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"Holy Crap.

Just take that extra 10 seconds before you reply."

Why do you think I was biting my tongue? It was my way of taking a deep breath and not over reacting. I could have gone off about how people suck when you try to understand something you have no frame of reference for and they jump your shit. No, I don't understand. But I can try. But if I have to worry that trying to understand is going to make you mad because I don't pick the exact right word...why bother?

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We all get it with our different flavors of MI. It sucks and people are most likely never going to truly understand what we go through... I think because they don't want to. Having "something wrong with your brain" is a terrifying prospect to people because that's the computer that runs it all. I think there is a lot of fear driving their comments. It doesn't make it acceptable, but it's helped me to at least be understanding of where they're coming from.

We should all put up what ridiculous things people have said to us regarding our MI!

My mom: Oh good, you're hypo. I'm going to take advantage of that to get some stuff done!

My dad: Everybody is bipolar to different degrees.

My boyfriend: We're all crazy, you just get pills.

Any time I do anything even mildly creative, I get asked if I'm manic. If I cry for any reason, I'm asked if I'm depressed. Pretty much, I'm no longer allowed to have any moods without my bipolar being blamed for it. BUT, I've been very open about my bipolar, and I think I'm slowly educating the people close to me about it. I think that's important to fight stigma. Chances are, if I wasn't annoyed with them for their silly comments, I'd be annoyed about something else anyway, so I figure I ought to try to do some good in the process.

Though... reading over your post, and the comments I've used as examples, the theme seems to be one of interest and wanting to relate. The method is sucky, but I think people want to be told what it's like to be like we are, and to gain education as to how to respond. That seems positive to me... like they want to find out how to include people with bipolar and OCD and ADD in their world views. In other words, they want to know what to do to avoid contributing to the general feeling of "I'm a freak" that we so often have.

Or they might just all be assholes. Odds are even.

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Er, wifezilla, I'm utterly mystified as to what in the world your problem is. And I'm not getting into any arguments with you, so, I guess you might as well chill and move on to more appropriate posts.

Everyone else, thanks for some interesting responses!

And, yeah, Catnapper, it can be a real challenge. Most of my customers are kids and parents, families, weddings, etc., etc. Magazine work never cuts it without bread-and-butter stuff. But that's just the nature of photography; I'd have to deal with that, with or without a disorder. The only thing that gets scary is customers coming in with bandages, or customers getting nosebleeds. I dread allergy season for that reason. Meds help, though. I do what I gotta. ;)

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Good post Serra....

"people are most likely never going to truly understand what we go through... I think because they don't want to"

Don't want to...sure for some. But many can barely deal with their own jobs, finances, parents, kids, relatives, etc...

Its not so much they don't want to care, its that they 1) don't know how 2) are afraid (like you also stated) 3) can barely deal with their own crap.

"the theme seems to be one of interest and wanting to relate. The method is sucky"

Exactly. But when you have absolutely NO understanding and NO frame of reference, you are going to grasp for whatever common thread you can find. You have to start somewhere! If the person is speaking to you, asking questions (no matter how annoying) and trying to relate...this is most likely a good caring person trying to navigate through unknown waters. This is not the type of person you should get mad at.

Get mad at the dick who tells you it is a matter of will power, that you just aren't trying hard enough, or accuses you of faking. Or the person who screams "Get away from me freak!". Or the person who no longer wants their kid to play with yours since they might get brain cooties. THERE are your enemies.

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Hi quadrophenia,

Totally off topic here, but I just wanted to say how great your screen name and avatar are! I was never a huge Who fan until my 15 year old daughter got me HOOKED!! The young one theachin' the old one!!! LOL

...and people do really suck when they make light of crap they have no clue about....sorry you have to deal with that crap so often...it's just wrong.

aimee

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Hi quadrophenia,

Totally off topic here, but I just wanted to say how great your screen name and avatar are! I was never a huge Who fan until my 15 year old daughter got me HOOKED!! The young one theachin' the old one!!! LOL

...and people do really suck when they make light of crap they have no clue about....sorry you have to deal with that crap so often...it's just wrong.

aimee

They're great- I've been into them ever since I heard the Joey Ramone cover of "Substitute", when I was in high school. I love bands with warped senses of humor, you know? ;)

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i think ocd has just entered the popular lexicon as an adjective. people want little phrases to brush off small neurotic tendencies, and ocd seems the most 'harmless' and 'amusing' of the major mental illnesses. its a great character actor exercise for our more challenging hollywood celebrities right? hell you can win academy awards for just aping some stupid tic, or vacuuming your house and rearranging coasters - but 99% of people do not understand full o.c.d. so thank you for that reminder, probably better than i could have put it. so back off peeps! you don't know ocd like we do (flashes OCD gang sign)

and yes, after suffering ocd for the last thirteen years of my life, i feel i can make that joke.

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  • 3 weeks later...

OCD is not one of my DXes, but a few of my friends have it pretty bad. It does suck when people trivialize it, just like when people tell me to snap out of depression, or that mania is just irrespoinsibility and I should act like an adult.

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OCD is not one of my DXes, but a few of my friends have it pretty bad. It does suck when people trivialize it, just like when people tell me to snap out of depression, or that mania is just irrespoinsibility and I should act like an adult.

Yeah, I once had a BP friend whose own family gave her those exact words, even a full decade after she'd successfully stabilized. Sad how much of that is still out there...

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We all get it with our different flavors of MI. It sucks and people are most likely never going to truly understand what we go through...

My dad: Everybody is bipolar to different degrees.

i recently shared with a friend about my bipolar dx and her comment to me was (and i quote):

"oh, me too! but we're mothers and all mothers are bipolar to some extent."

NO WE'RE NOT! when she said that i made a lame excuse why i needed to hang up the phone and havent called her back since.

she has NO idea of what ive gone through - am going through. and it burns me to no end that she could even make such light of it and to self diagnose herself with the very thing that consumes my life. she just has NO CLUE!!!!! *ok, deep breath now...* **more deep breathing** ***i'm breathing but i still want to punch her***

anyway, im totally with you, quadrophenia and im sorry youve got knuckleheads to contend with.

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