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Last afternoon I had to give my mom money to pay her land taxes (she hasn't worked for 2 years due to disability), and when I took out my money, she took it from me! That was all the money I had! I won't have anymore until I get paid, and I don't have a job. So I'm kind of screwed.

This led me into a FRENZY. I decided to DO IT. I used my remaining $5 to buy a cheap bottle of wine, drank it all (I'm 119lbs so that's a lot for me) and went through my med books trying to find the best drugs I have that would interact and do the trick. i was psychotic and in a FRENZY.

I heard my dad talking to me, telling me not to do it, but i wanted to be with him so badly. I could just envision him there, with my grandparents and my never-born children.

I decided i needed help. I called all my friends, who weren't there. then one called me back but going on some dumb-ass weekend retreat was more important than saving my life. so callled friend.

i called my pnurse and he told me that if i didn't walk across the street to the ER (i live across the street from the hospital) that he'd call the PD and they'd take me there. i packed my bag and went.

while i was there i calmed down. my mom came to be with me. she didn't give me my money back, but she was there. after promising that she'd take me to her place for the night and not let me be alone, they let me go.

i went home wtihout being admitted to the psych ward. close call!

i'm doing everything i can to avoid another frenzy.

loon

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wow Loon -- glad you're okay, but I'm really concerned about you (I may not always say much, but I do read all your posts). I think - and this is just my opinion - that it would do you a LOT of good to spend some inpatient time. You've been through so much, and you've reached breaking point. Something's got to give. Please take care of yourself.

Oh - and how could your mother just take your money? As in physically how - did she just grab it and you couldn't get it back? That's ridiculous. If you're an adult she has no right to do that.

Skittle

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aww loon, I'm sorry that happened to you. I'd be pretty insanely pissed too.

Well dear, if you're hallucinating your father's voice telling you not to kill yourself, I'm thinking you should listen. I'd really hate for you to go and die over something as mundane as money, when you've dealt with so much worse than being poor. Not to minimize your mother's behaviour, taking advantage of you when you try to help her.

If you're really on the edge of losing control, why don't you try doing something a little less drastic, like breaking dishes or something? Then when you wake up the next morning, your only regret is that your hand doesn't hold coffee so good. ;)

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Heya Loon,

I'm sorry things are so sad for you right now.

Good girl, going to emerg. That was safe for you. Don't be shy to go over anytime.

Draw strength from your dad's memory. Your letter to him still brings tears to me, which is odd and therefore a big deal ;)

Be okay Loon honey.

--ncc--

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Hiya all,

I didn't admit myself because I'm so poor and trying to get a job, and with a couple of jobs right on the burner, I don't want to be out of touch with the world when something could happen.

Yes, she physically stole my money, and 2 days later (yesterday) gave me $20 for meds when I need $40. So nice of her!

I draw strength from my dad, and from his memory, and at times (my tdoc hates this and watches it closely) I want to be WITH him. It doesn't take much. Inpatient time would do me a lot of good, like a long inpatient stay. My uncle is a respected PhD and has a degree in Pharmacy too, and he suggested talking to my treatment team about ECT for bipolar, because it is done. I'm game, but I'd have to be inpatient. I can't lose my apartment and everything I've worked all year for. It was my huge dream to keep my place for a year and I have, and now a 2nd year is my goal. It is so hard to keep my place through all these job changes and hospitalizations, but I'm determined. And now I'm looking at food stamps and the hunger centers and maybe the free clinic. Hey, gotta do what ya gotta do.

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Loon...

Have you actually asked your mother for your money back? (That is other than what you were going to loan/give her.)

Families are crazy, I sure know. But we need to take care of ourselves, stand up for ourselves when we can.

Take care,

revlow

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Thanks all, for your advice and for just being here for me. Sometimes life is just so hard. Often, life is just so hard. One of you has the saying on your avatar "what doesn't kill you only makes you stranger" and isn't that true!

After a lot of praying (in my Wiccan way, naturally), she not only APOLOGIZED, but GAVE IT BACK. She said that no money was worth my sanity or my poverty.

And after today's car crash, I know now there is nothing more important than each of our lives too.

Take care all,

Loon

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Thanks all, for your advice and for just being here for me. Sometimes life is just so hard. Often, life is just so hard. One of you has the saying on your avatar "what doesn't kill you only makes you stranger" and isn't that true!

After a lot of praying (in my Wiccan way, naturally), she not only APOLOGIZED, but GAVE IT BACK. She said that no money was worth my sanity or my poverty.

And after today's car crash, I know now there is nothing more important than each of our lives too.

Take care all,

Loon

;):):cussing: to your Mom.

To refer to your new therapist thread today, I can see why you said twice it's SO important for you to learn assertive communication!

Crum, what nerve. Your "MOTHER".

rt

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