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The worst part of being bipolar


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This is the problem that I've been having for years now. I get a job, I do great at it, and then depression sets in, I get paranoid about coworkers thinking bad stuff about me, and it affects my work. Every time I change jobs/careers. Now I'm working in a psychiatric unit and do love my job, but I just don't want to get out of bed to go... I get there and drink about a gazillion caffeine drinks to wake up and sometimes it doesnt affect me, and sometimes i get all hyper and anxiety increases. Newest idea is to add Zoloft to my Lamictal/ Effexor combo. Good luck, right?! Maybe not the best idea if I'm afraid of rapid cycling, but for right now I am so depressed, and I *really* can't let my work know about this. I've considered taking some time off for a mental holiday, but we are SO understaffed ;) and i can do the work ok... i'm just terribly uncomfortable about coworkers. I guess if it gets too bad, I'll take off work...

Isnt the worst part of this illness to KNOW you can do so well, but that your moods CONTROL you and there's not too much you can do about it with how you're feeling?? It's like life is a tease- Gets going really well, everything is great, and then BAM nope, I'm nothing, useless again.

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You're not useless you're just riding the wave. I say put YOU first, even if that means taking some time away. I know you feel responsible because the place is understaffed but they'll survive. And so will you. Call the doc, take/up your meds, and do whatever you can to stay healthy.

Blessings

Lilie

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zoloft sounds good - you might need to keep some of that seratonin floating around. even seroquel or risperdal might be good to simultaneously keep you from cycling up and get your seratonin flowing.

and remember: any mood that's not psychotic is a mood in which you can be creative.

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Its funny you mention Zoloft and Risperdal... These are the two my dr was thinking might work! he thought prozac might be better than Zoloft, but I told him Prozac had a bad effect on me in the past (panic symptoms)

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This has been such a pattern for me.

Get a job, be outstanding for a while, everyone is impressed. Then I start slacking, dropping the ball, energy level and enthusiasm go down. People are less impressed. I get fired.

Over and over, for 20 years.

Hopefully this one will stick.

IN

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Jesus on a stick--it all becomes clear--that is my pattern for jobs EXACTLY. I am the greatest thing they ever had at first, then I decide no one likes me (they usually don't) and I get lazy and half-assed, spend too much "personal time" on the phone, etc. and get warnings, then--sometimes--get fired.

I have only had one job in my life(MY ENTIRE LIFE) that I had for more than 2 1/2 years. I kinda think it also has to do with my AD(H)D, which my pdoc swears I have.

But whatever, Infonut, we are twins seperated at birth--

I wish I could stop that pattern, but at this point, it seems a little past the point of trying. I mean, I want to retire next year or

Crap==

china

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Sounds familiar, starting a new job full of enthusiasm and eventually just killing time. With my depression cycle I get very little done at work except the absolute minimum. Fortunately I have a good staff.

Tommy

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The craziest part of being BP is when you're under control, doing well, and get hit with something out of the blue, beyond your control, and it sets you spinning. Usually I've got things covered and BOOM- I get almost raped, or get pregnant and have an abortion for medical reasons, or my boyfriend does this or that...you know? My dad kills himself and I find him on the floor- little stuff that stunts career growth.

I get to like mania. it feels like a self-defense against the incoming depression.But the mania is the worst of it, with mixed episodes. Somehow, there has to be a Goddess.

Loon

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Getting depressed when you've had the taste of the good life is maddening. for years I was depressed only and never knew how life was supposed to feel. Then I got a decent set of meds and it lifted me out and when I feel good, I'm on top of the world. but then crippling depression sets in and it seems to rip away everything I do/did when I was *normal*.

It makes me more suicidal than I've ever felt. Just hanging on isn't enough and there has to be something wrong when you have to do Lamaze style breathing just to get out of the house.

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I was on top of everything, doing great.

The next thing I know, I'm being chased downhill by a giant snowball of crap.

Then I went off my meds. Wow, NOT a good thing to do.

I'm back on the meds, but still trying to put the pieces of my life back together.

Can I get a "BIPOLAR SUCKS"?

;)

On the positive side... uh. I'm still working on that one. But I know there has to be a positive side...

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I know what you mean. Things are going great, I've got a handle on life and then BOOM...the rug gets pulled out from under me again. I can't keep up with the housework and my kids start driving me crazy. I feel like the world is spinning so fast that no matter how fast I run, I still can't keep up. Then things are fine again, I make the bed everyday and keep the house up, then it happens again, this time lower, suicide feels like a viable option, then UP again, then down again, on and on and on......

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And not to mention the mixed episodes, when you have the real energy to do harm to yourself and the dark racing thoughts.

And not to mention the jobs we go through like candy.

I thought I was the weirdo, abnormal one in that. Hearing you all makes me feel NORMAL in the BP world anyway!

The worst part for me is the mixed episode. Goddess bless me- I'm on my knees to Her that this will never happen to me again.

Loon

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