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If any of you have read my most recent posts I just quit my job last week because of shitty treatment from the ol' boss. Today, my long-term boyfriend just received the news that he is welcome to transfer to his parent company, near Seattle, any time he likes. My boyfriend informed me that it is entirely up to me when we move as he is up for moving there any time. (Thanks!)

Well, seeing as I don't have a job, it would seem that maybe now would be a good time to start looking over there for a job and maybe move over there in a few months if I can find one. But I'm so scared. The last time I moved, over 1300 miles away from my college town, turned out to be an abject failure. I became suicidal and unable to concentrate on my work. Of course I wasn't on any meds then, and wouldn't be for almost two more years. (Dumbass!)

So I don't want the same thing to happen again. One thing I have decided on is that I MUST have a job BEFORE I move over there. It'll be scary enough for me, and enough of a test of my stability, without having to look for a job. I could easily see myself becoming severely depressed and agoraphobic otherwise.

Other than that though I have no clue. I have no idea how much time I should give myself to adjust to and prepare for the idea of moving. That is a really important thing to clarify ASAP because if we are not moving really soon I would like to find another job here.

Except for that short stint three states away I have never lived very far away from my hometown. We are moving to the town that is the headquarters of Microsoft and Nintendo, which I find intimidating for some reason. It seems like one of those sterile soulless yuppie towns and that is a turnoff. I am ok with that though as long as we can move to Seattle at some point. Because of the above mentioned I also wonder if the job market will be insanely competitive. To be frank, my resume blows and I won't be able to compete with perfect professional robot type people. But since I don't have a "field" or "career" I can look for several different kinds of jobs.

I know you guys can't make the decisions for me, but I was just wondering if anyone had any opinions based on what I've said?

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Except for that short stint three states away I have never lived very far away from my hometown. We are moving to the town that is the headquarters of Microsoft and Nintendo, which I find intimidating for some reason. It seems like one of those sterile soulless yuppie towns and that is a turnoff. I am ok with that though as long as we can move to Seattle at some point. Because of the above mentioned I also wonder if the job market will be insanely competitive. To be frank, my resume blows and I won't be able to compete with perfect professional robot type people. But since I don't have a "field" or "career" I can look for several different kinds of jobs.

I know you guys can't make the decisions for me, but I was just wondering if anyone had any opinions based on what I've said?

You should go check out the city in question to see how you like it.

Don't worry about competing with the robot people. You have to be yourself, and I'm sure there are jobs available that you'd be great at.

You can hire someone to make your resume un-blow, there are professional resume builders that do just that. Might be worth it if you're moving to where the job market is competitive.

That's my two cents. Good luck!

- MG

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HWF -

Major life decision time, indeed. A couple of observations:

I don't know whether you live with your long-term boyfriend, or what future plans the two of you may have, but you should not expect him to pass on such an opportunity to advance his career. Therefore, you face either moving to be near him, or the difficulty and expense in maintaining a long-distance relationship.

You say you don't want another move to be an "abject failure" like last time. For obvious reasons, this is unlikely to be a repeat of last time, to wit: you're on meds; you're older, more experienced and wiser, and you're conscious enough of the potential for negative outcomes that you can actively work to prevent them. Also, did you have your boyfriend at the time? His presence in the new situation is going to make a lot of difference as you support one another through the rough bits.

One very real consideration is the likely need to find a new pdoc and/or tdoc. If you are very comfortable with the ones you have, this may be something of a transition. On the other hand, with thousands and thousands of people up there having chosen to live in a place where it's perpetually raining, there is clearly no shortage of crazy people there, so there must be a plethora of professional mental health providers.

It is perpetually raining up there. I have heard that getting gene therapy from DNA extracted from ducks makes it tolerable.

You are wise to plan to line up a job before you move. The geographic and cultural adjustment will be stress enough without having to wonder how to pay for groceries. The advice to hire a professional to spruce up your resum

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- It is unlikely you will be a failure, because you ARE on medication now, and know and understand your illness.

- The major part of the decision is how committed are you to your beau? Are you willing to change your life to stay with him? Long distance relationships don't hold up very long, in my opinion.

- Take a trip to the area and check it out. See how it feels.

- "Perfect robot professionals" indeed. Heh. Exactly.

Two words of advice: Don't drink the coffee, and lookout for the Mario Brothers roaming the streets. ;)

a.m.

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This could sound totally cliche.....but follow your gut and/or your heart.

Most of the time, we know deep down what is best for us.

Best of luck in your decision....and if you do move, we will be here to support you through the uncertain parts!!!

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. We are moving to the town that is the headquarters of Microsoft and Nintendo, which I find intimidating for some reason. It seems like one of those sterile soulless yuppie towns and that is a turnoff. I am ok with that though as long as we can move to Seattle at some point.

hey! i lived there for a couple of years. (although in the part that was called the 'plateau' and is now called samamish i believe) but it was a cool town. this was back in 1992-93 though, when i was twelve, but i loved seattle (even though that was when my mental illness began and it was a weird freaky time for me) i went back tehre once a couple of years ago, and it did look like it had become 'yuppified' a bit, but i would still rather live there than where i live right now. seattle just has so many cool places and little corners to discover.

grhfh. can't think with new meds, but i would highly recommend seattle as a place to live. i don't know about the job market or the type of people, but i'm a pretty strong believer in environment having a huge impact on your mental health - and the more interesting and diverse a place is the better. i would at least check it out and see how you like seattle. if you can past the grey skies, i think it might be a good place for you to live, and there are probably a lot more opportunities there than in your current hometown. just my thoughts based on my memories of seattle. my resume's probably a lot worse than yours is, but seattle might be a place where you could reinvent yourself, or at least get a fresh start on things.

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I can't improve on any of the advice given I just want to add that if you don't think you can compete in the techy sector, don't try to. It would only make you miserable. Seattle has a vibrant arts scene too.

Incidently, when I daydream about running away, Seattle always tops my list.

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I checked out Seattle with my then-hubby to be. We never married, but it was a neat adventure, and a town I'd love to relocate to.

I'd recommend really soul-searching on your relationship first.

then, have a pro look at your resume and do some scouting. i've had luck with careerbuilder.com

then, get hooked up with a treatment team

then move!

if you hate it you can always move back. life has risks and we shouldn't be afraid to step out of our comfort zone. just my opinion. i've moved around for jobs before and back home to my crappy city, and i've loved the places i've worked.

loon

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Hey, I just wanted to expound (is that the right word?) on what Cerberus said:

If you do decide to move, a new city feels odd and confusing and out of place in this world. When I moved to California, it was such a culture shock, I rarely left the house and never made one friend. I was so glad to come home. Then when I moved to Austin last year, it was almost the same thing. Except that time, I made myself visit the little bookstores (NO B&N) and coffeeshops (NO Starbucks) and made myself a regular. Got to know the owners, learn about all kinda neat places to go, and was even offered a few jobs. Made friends with a few employees. It's much easier for a social phobic to go that route I discovered than to try and find work by just walking into some nameless place off the street.

If he needs to go to work, let him. Who says you can't stay back for a while and tie things up and then join him later. I don't agree with AM in that LD relationships don't work. Mine worked just fine for a year, then we met back up and got married. Hell, it could even make it easier on you if he were to go first, get settled, learn some of the area first. Then when you arrived, he'd be able to show you around. Ya'll both wouldn't be lost together, ya know. Just an idea.

Croix

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Just to clear things up: the whole thing with my boyfriend is not an issue. We have lived together for four years, we are like family, I couldn't imagine living apart from him. He is willing to wait for a while (a few months at the very least) to let us get stuff figured out. Like I said, he has an open invitation, which means he is not under any pressure to take the job anytime soon.

The only thing that is an issue really, is will I have a mental breakdown and be forced to move back like last time. I don't live in my hometown, but I only live 30 miles away. So yeah, I'm itching to try a new place. Luckily I've visited Seattle quite a few times already because I only live 300 miles away. And yeah I agree it is sweet. But Redmond (where we would be living) has its own vibe for sure. Just to make it clear that I have been there and I'm not just purely imagining what it would be like. I think both of us would rather move to Portland but we have no compelling reason to do so other than that's where 90% of our friends moved to.

Cerberus, I agree that I need to have a toc and pdoc lined up for when I get there. I also like the suggestion of hiring a resume person.

Now that I think about it, really the only issue is should I try to get a job here while I'm trying to set up over there? After all, I don't know how long all that will take, especially in the job arena. And I'm sick of gaps in my resume.

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hollywoodfreaks -

I've had friends that moved to Seattle so have visited several times and like it quite a bit. It has a lot to offer, and my favorite outdoor sculpture is there, the troll under the bridge. I'm not sure of its official title, but it's under a street overpass in a neighborhood outside of downtown. It's the top third of troll with his arm around an actual old VW bug and he has a wicked single eye. If you're walking you kind of come upon it suddenly.

You say you'd be in Redmond, not Seattle, but since Redmond is only 15 miles from Seattle, would it be possible to live someplace else if you wanted to? One of my friends lived on Bainbridge Island and commuted to Seattle every day by ferry; it was about a half hour ride.

I never got the feeling that Microsoft or Nintendo even existed on my trips there. If you're not looking for work as an IT engineer I wouldn't think it would have much impact on getting a job. If anything the work atmosphere there seemed a little more laid-back there than some places I've been, especially the east coast.

Plus, if you're only 300 miles away from your hometown, that's less than a day's drive so you could conceivably do weekend trips there without worrying about plane schedules. My friends all moved from the east coast so it was a bit more difficult for all of us to get together, but we still manage it.

Seattle also has some good schools so you could continue your education at some point if you wanted to. It seems to there are lots of options there, but I always like to try new places. Good luck with whatever you decide.

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Now that I think about it, really the only issue is should I try to get a job here while I'm trying to set up over there? After all, I don't know how long all that will take, especially in the job arena. And I'm sick of gaps in my resume.

If there's going to be a significant time gap between now and the time you move, and you need money, then you may want to take a local job. If, as you say, your resum

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I feel like every decision I made will be wrong no matter what. I think it's a perfectionist thing.

HWF -

From one perfectionist to another, you've got to allow yourself to be imperfect. Nothing is ever going to turn out exactly the way you want/expect it to, because the universe is chaotic, and we are surrounded by factors we have absolutely no control over, even if we ourselves do everything exactly right. That's just the way it is. I still struggle with the concept, but you're a human being with finite mental and physical resources, and you can't overcome the universe.

What you can do is apply your intellect to making the best of every situation as it presents itself. Find your purpose in life, or set yourself some worthwhile goals, and measure your progress against those. Note that I said measure your progress, not measure your success. Whether you "succeed" depends entirely on your goals as you have defined them. You are allowed to redefine them at your whim. I say "progress" because you are always moving forward, no matter what your circumstances; you are always adding to the sum of your experience, to your ability to meet challenges. When things seem negative, try to look at them objectively and extract what useful information you can from the situation, and then return to your goals and see what your obstacles are, and apply yourself to making a plan to overcome them.

There is no such thing as a "wrong" choice. There are only choices. Success in your goals is available to you regardless of which fork in the road you take at any given point, because the goals are yours to define, and you can always use your next choice to change your direction.

I'll close with the following; recite repeatedly until anxiety ebbs:

I must not fear.

Fear is the mind-killer.

Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

– Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Frank Herbert, Dune

Cerberus

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