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I took acid on Friday and now I can't function properly


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So, Friday night, no parents around. I'd just come back from a works meal and had had a couple of drinks. So I then proceeded to drink lots of white russians and from there got the habitual but always-stupid notion that smoking weed would be an excellent idea. So I had a look in my brothers room and found... 5 hits of acid.

The evening was freaky and I did tons of stupid stuff, like go to the pub with a flower in my hair and nearly get into a fight as a consequence, accost a work mate and rant about mental illness, and insult random people in Spanish. I remember passing out around 1am with the whole world upside down, engulfed in psychedelic purple moss. I also remember waking up around 4:30am and seeing my back garden turn into a giant roaring green monster. Took a few herbal sleeping tablets and did manage to sleep though.

It's the after-effects that are worrying me though. Saturday I felt terrible and haven't really recovered. I've only been in work 1 and a half days and have now got a doctor's note signing me off for two weeks and an appointment with my pdoc. I feel constantly on edge. Things don't seem real. I am, at times, mortally afraid for myself, the world and the nature of reality. My vision is blurred. I see tracers. I see the odd complete hallucination out of the corner of my eye. I am depressed and very worried about myself. And this evening I am going to have to tell my parents, which is going to shock them profoundly.

Why am I such an idiot. Why didn't I give up being fascinated by psychedelic drugs years ago when it became obvious they do me no good? What are my workmates going to think now? Will I ever go back to work? Why am such a weird, alcoholic, depressive-to-the-point-suicide, sociopathic, lame-arse.. this latest episode has set me back even further. Once I had hope for myself but that was seven years ago and now I just feel washed up. Life is so kicking me on the arse and it's like I can't stop kicking myself in the arse while being lazy at the same time. And now I've freaked myself out totally.. I just want to vegetate in hosptial right now, I really do. I want to spend lots of time in bed and lots of time doing nothing and lots of time taking flakey sympathy from the other patients. I dunno. This world is frekaing me out something chronic. Not sure how much crazyboards can help but I though and rant anyway and just say *help!* anyway...

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I have no sympathy.

Maybe a tiny little bit. Not much.

WTF were you doing going through your brother's shit? That's just wrong.

You were on here for hours freaking out one of the last times you tripped. You should have known better than to do it again.

I bet you know better next time.

Sorry for not being more supportive but I'm being as supportive as I can be by not saying the rest of what I think.

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Lay off the drugs and get a very very very good psychiatrist who specializes in users of hallucinogens. Your brain is seriously compromised, and your instinct to get some serious rest is dead on.

I'm still dealing with the aftermath of acid 17 years after last taking it. For whatever it's worth, I felt sorta like you describe yourself back when I was 18, and a lot of the heavy weirdness did get better over time (thanks to one very smart doctor and Klonopin and who knows what else). On the other hand, I just moved back into my mother's house at age 34, since I'm having increasing problems very likely due to partial seizures, and my motivation and attention mechanisms are so sporadic that I no longer trust myself to function consistently. You really need to stop with the acid. It is altering you in ways that you won't realize that have much longer repercussions than a few weeks or months of feeling out of it. Pot will also kindle the effects of past LSD use, and alcohol doesn't help much either.

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Hi:

You are not an idiot, but you do seem to have some trouble with substance abuse. Not a great thing to be hanging out with. Really. I am way older than you (I think ). Been there done that, and let me just say "what goes up, must come down."

Start right now and stop beating yourself up. What's done is done. You can't change that. You need to look to the moment and find what is good in it, rather than finding a way to escape it.

I don't think you are an idiot. You aren't the first person to do acid. You won't be the last. But if what VE says is true, and I have no reason to doubt him, you are going to find very little compassion here the next time. If there is one.

However, you will find a lot of compassion if you begin to try and work through this.

Good luck.

Breeze

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[You need to treat your depression first off. I don't know you, but I wonder if you would have taken the acid if you weren't as depressed as you say. (Did you take all 5 hits??) It's good that you're going to see your pdoc. Try a new med, therapy, something different. Keep trying things until you find what works for you. In the meantime, take it easy on yourself.

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I can't stop kicking myself in the arse

You sound like you are suffering from what I have and what I like to call - Wilful Self-Destruction Syndrome - wherein you feel crappy, your brain's acting up with mental illness, you feel a bit suicidal/on the edge so you decide to engage in wilful acts of self-destruction - getting drunk, smoke cannabis, taking loads of acid - to push the button a little bit further and see what more damage you can do to yourself before you crack completely, it's like psychological bungee jumping. The danger is that some day you might go to a place where you cannot get back from and destroy yourself altogether without really knowing whether or not you could have had that life with hope that you described.

You're obviously an intelligent guy with a lot going for you and as someone who sounds remarkably similiar to your psychopathological bent, I will say that it is possible to live a life without substances. You sound like you have a three tiered addiction to alcohol, cannabis and hallucinogens. Perhaps you should ask your p-doc for referral for addiction counselling which is what I did. Ultimately though, you have to decide whether you want to destroy yourself and waste your considerable potential or try and salvage things and see if you can use willpower and motivation to get sober and rebuild your life. I won't lie to you, it takes a tonne of hard work, dedication and motivation to stay on the straight and narrow and it is a daily struggle.

You seem like fundamentally a decent person and waking up with these feelings of self-recrimination and self-justification for your behaviour will eventually start to do you in and lead to more and more dangerous behaviour (spoken by one who knows). If you ever want support or a chat feel free to PM or Email me

Yours with concern

Blackbird x

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I don't think you are an idiot. You aren't the first person to do acid. You won't be the last. But if what VE says is true, and I have no reason to doubt him, you are going to find very little compassion here the next time. If there is one.

March 6th. I knew I recognized the account + drug-of-choice.

This time the acid screwed lost up for what, 2, 3 times as long? I'm with Jemini on this - get some

professional help for both the addiction and the psychiatric problems while there's still enough of you

there to help.

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It's all so true. It could all start with giving up alcohol. Just I saw the most beautiful moon tonight. Just if I'd pay more attention it might make some sense. What Blackbird said is so true I'm not sure how much deeper I've got to plunge yet; I just hope I come out of it cool and froody. Sorry this is totally crass. I'm a drug addict, like karuna aka (name removed), my ex-internet-girlfriend (should such over-use of hyphens be banned?), said and I need to take help somehow. Good luck people, john

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There was a time in my life when I would rarely go more than three days without taking a drink...and I don't consider myself an alcoholic! I suppose because I didn't have to drink and I didn't even enjoy drinking. I would choose to stop drinking for long periods of time but I knew deep down that the reason I was drinking was that I was self medicating my anxiety and faulty brain chemistry. I don't know why it took me so damn long to look into getting it fixed. I also have a familiarity with other nefarious substances. I have often wondered how much I have had to pay for that chemically.

I do have a suggestion for you as far as the alcohol issue, since I didn't see you mention what meds you were taking. Topamax has been shown to be a help against alcohol cravings. I did a quick Google search and came up with this article I realize this is most likely from the Department of Redundancy Department but I hated not to mention it to you on the off chance you hadn't heard it before. It's been a literal life, liver, and brain saver for me. It hit my sweet spot, for sure. Even after the first dose, my craving for so much as a drop of alcohol disappeared. The old itch was scratched, as it were.

I hope you find something to help you as well. I know that feeling all too well. Looking around the house for something to get into and if one is good, more must be better. Shoving substances into your piehole and the ultimate daylight regret. I do have sympathy for you and am just glad that you're still here to have the chance to do a better job next time. That's the important thing to remember: That you were lucky enough to have another chance this time.

For my part, after the bad med experiences I've had since the so called good old days, I don't EVER want to experience anything remotely akin to tripping again.

Keep us posted on your progress, John. Remember to eat well. Lots of potassium, selenium, trace minerals, dark leafy vegetables, and lots of water. You'll be right.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I have got a lot better in terms of of acid-after-effects (more hyphens!) but I am still fucking pissed every night, often to the point of blacking out, and I still smoke dope. I have given up my job and am taking it VERY easy right now, while still drinking a shit load. We'll see. I'll try and post when I'm sober. Just Velvet Elvis' post did hurt because he had a point i.e. I am one of the worst people on this board for "helping themselves" i.e. a lot of my problems are self inflicted... i.e. i am an alcoholic loonatic (bet I drink more than you.. 140 units a week - can you beat that??).. laters... motorhead john.

One of the problems with using this board is I can't face it when sober because I'm so embarassed by my posts when pissed and then I get pissed just to look at how things look... and... I should be more comfortable with myself.... I should be 17 again....

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Glad you are feeling better

140 units is about what I was drinking in my bad old alkie days (3 litres of vodka a week).

Sobriety has a lot to recommend it but I have come to realise that noone can save you from the drink except yourself. Your motivation has to be super high. I always think you have to hit rock bottom before you can fight your way back up. My motivation was getting molested by a homeless old drunk at A&E after another failed suicide attempt. I hope you don't have to fall so low.

Keep trying

Blackbird x

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