Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

How do people go on?


Guest

Recommended Posts

Do people have a motto or a motivation for going on when it all seems so shit? I feel like for months I have been saying to myself 'just go on a few more weeks and it will be better' and it never is. Sometimes I have a good day (not manic, just an average day) and I think maybe this is it, maybe things are improving, maybe I am coping, self managing, maybe this is the start of better days. Then I am back in the mire again. I can't see a great deal of progress in terms of what I am achieving, some days it is all I can do to get out of bed before midday, and the rest of the day is killing time until I get to be asleep and unconscious again. I don't know if I can live like this. I'm broke and jobless and single and on a truckload of meds and I just feel like everything is pointless. I do all this self management crap and I still feel like I flounder.

Is this just the reality of BP, do I just try to accept this as life? Someone slap some sense into me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ahh Karuna Babe. No need for slapping from us...it sounds like you are beating yourself up enough as it is.

It is amazing how our moods can taint and filter out all positive things from our perspective. Depression fucking sucks, worse than anything I can possibly think of......when you are in the midst of it, you can't realize that the perspective you are taking is so negative. It's like loosing your self within yourself.

Anyway. As far as money goes...you know ultimately that we can't take it with us. And that one's value is not determined by their bank account. You know this. I know you do. So don't fixate on measuring your sense of worth by how much money you have or do not have. I do it too, though.

Although it may FEEL pointless, that doesn't mean it is. I think there is a point, there is meaning to even suffering. The trick is to try and not get lost in the pain.......but these feelings do have a purpose...what do you think that is?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Karuna. I have exactly the same experiences as you, plus manic days and the worst - mixed episodes, the most recent of which lasted for over a week. I don't mean to sound pessimistic, but in my experience this is indeed the reality of BP. I wish I had something positive to say. Generally, whatever my mood I feel out of control in some way. I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday and seriously hoping that he will put me on extra/different medication 'cos I really can't cope.

Again, sorry for being all depressing about it, but you have my full sympathy and understanding.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

can't see a great deal of progress in terms of what I am achieving, some days it is all I can do to get out of bed before midday, and the rest of the day is killing time until I get to be asleep and unconscious again.
I just have to tell you how MUCH I relatle to this. Reading that someone else does this alleviates some of my guilt. Hell, MOST of my days are spent killing time until I get to be unconscious/asleep again.

The feedback I'm hearing from friends is that I seem to be better overall, in spite of this, so I guess I'll try to believe them. That is probably true with you too. In the BIG picture, you ARE moving forward.

Mental illness just plain sucks. Sometimes I wish I had an obvious physical disability instead, so that people, including myself, would GET IT, and stop blaming me for being "lazy."

ok, I veered off there.. back to the positive. I think we really ARE getting better in the BIG picture.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are a couple of things I've posted before that apply here:

#1- my dad killed himself 2 years ago. BP1. There is never a day when I don't think of him. At my very worst, I could never bring myself to do it, because I love the people I love and would never put them through the pain I've suffered.

#2- I got in a bad car crash last week that easily could have killed me. Had I made a regular left and not a u-Turn (bad girl), I'd be dead. Life is fragile and fleeting.

The other night I was going on and on to a friend about how our lives are always going to be a roller coaster of up and down, and how would be ever get to have loving partners, stable jobs, and normal lives? My answer to myself is that it will take a hell of a great person to love us despite our disorder and that is the type of person worthy of our love, that our meds and job choices can help us stabilize our careers, and that we're not normal, and who wants to be? We're better than normal!

So, I've been in depression hell and mania glory. If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.

Loon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't see any progress, either, and I to count the hours till I can take my wonderful Lunesta and just be unconscious.

I wish I could tell you something cheery and that things will be OK soon, but I can't and I'm, sorry--you don't need to hear more shit, and I am just feeling sorry for myself.

Please disregard this--and try to make the most of your life. You sound pretty young, so you've got a lot of chances left to really pull something great out of your ass, and I'll bet you can do it.

I'll be cheering for you--but I can't promise it will happen, sorry, darlin'

china

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yep. I have to remind myself that bipolar means I will cycle out at some point. What is truly astonishing to me is the degree to which I can't REMEMBER this....and this has been going on for a long time.

I do remember how to ride a bike. I trust that it will cycle and respond to my effort. But it's hard to trust the cycle in bipolar. Hard to remember. Hard to remember the awful part of mania. Hard to remind myself -don't ask for it. Do not invite it back into my life as an alternative to depression.

So sucky.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Heya karuna,

I hear ya.

I look in my Bp Survival Guide at the page where I wrote the reasons not to die.

It actually helps.

When you weren't so depressed -- did you think of anything or write anything about that?

And, you also have CLS (crappy life syndrome, not in the DSM). Cut yourself some slack. Anyone who's *not* wacko would be hurting right now in your situation.

Hold on.

--ncc--

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...