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I'm a big lazy, messy, slobby, weak willed whatever


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We have a house and I let it get messy. I just notice the mess. I go to do something and I end up doing something else. I try and make lists of things to do but I lose them or forget to look at them. Why can't I just do this. how hard is it to keep a house cleasn? why can't I just pick up after myself? I feel like a loser. My hubby is threatening to put locks on some of the rooms in the house to keep me out of them so I don't make them messy.

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How hard is it to keep a house clean? why can't I just pick up after myself? I feel like a loser. My hubby is threatening to put locks on some of the rooms in the house to keep me out of them so I don't make them messy.

You could always volunteer to lock up the kitchen and the bedroom first. ;)

I wonder if a part of it is that a really neat environment is also usually a low-stimulus/low-complexity

environment, with no external structure or organization to keep it that way ... not likely to survive

exposure to one or more ADHD persons.

There's also that "hunter-scavenger throwback" theory to consider:

1. There is something you want

2. It is not in your hands, body, or immediately reachable

3. Therefore you must Find It.

4. The fastest way is to start digging around Where It Should Be

5. Not there. darn.

6. Think of Other Place It Should Be.

7. Start digging there.

8. Loop back to 5 until distracted or It's Found!

9. Having forgotten what it was you needed it for,

10. Put it Where You Are Sure To Find It Next Time.

11. Forget where that is as new crisis arises to contend with.

Cleaning? Who has time for THAT?

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10. Put it Where You Are Sure To Find It Next Time.

11. Forget where that is as new crisis arises to contend with.

Cleaning? Who has time for THAT?

never ever ever put something someplace "special" where you'll be able to find it.

never ever ever.

i think it's a bit irrational for your husband to think you do this out of disrespect. does he need to read "you mean i'm not lazy, crazy or stupid" to be reminded that ADD sucks ass?

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I don't have a husband. Thank the Lord! Nor do I intend to.

But...........I learned a trick that works for me keeping the house clean. Everything you use When cooking or cleaning or reading a book as soon as you are done don't just lay it anywhere a few steps and put it back in the pantry or the bookshelf. You will be surprised.

My shitty, bored to fuck 2 cents.

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halogirl--

I had the same issue with my uncle (who's also my boss). Solution was to permanently ban him, as well as every other human, from my apartment. Not sure if that'd work in your case, though...

Latin Girl

Oh-so-idealistic here aren't we? Yes, I have very set places where things should go. 'Should' being the operative term. Generally things tend to get set down wherever my hand feels like releasing them.

My keys, work ID badge, wallet, and cell phone all have a special place atop my bedroom dresser (the cell phone charge cable is within its reach). This morning, only my cell and wallet were there. I never did find that ID badge (probably will spend some time looking for that when I get home, I'm already on my second one in 3 months)... and thought I'd lost my keys for good until I went to get milk out of the refrigerator, finding them sitting complacently next to the butter.

"Very.... interesting."

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DH and I are both messy people, and he definitely has ADD. We just spent 2 weeks on cleaning, gardening and household repairs so we could host a graduation open house for our daughter. I didn't bother with the bedroom because noone would see it anyway. The party was great and the house is still pretty clean, but my bedroom is still a mess. It wouldn't take that much effort to clean it, but without some kind of external motivator I just don't care. Maybe I'm just lazy.

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I think calling us ADHD people lazy is correct. ADHD definitely causes laziness (and not the opposite). It's just one of the core symptoms, and one of the most important ones.

Messiness, on the other hand, is a byproduct of laziness and crap short-term memory and habit memory. First, we don't have energy and/or don't care. Second, we either can't remember to invoke a correct "cleanup procedure" after completing a main part of a task (we queue the task and lose the queue), or are just too fatigued/blah to do the things which are not absolutely essential.

At least that's what my limited experience shows.

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PennyCentury:

never ever ever put something someplace "special" where you'll be able to find it.

never ever ever.

You are wise beyond your years!

This is exactly been how I've lost my most seriously valuable items.

Still searching for a better method, though. Best friend gave me a paste on device locator with hand button. Object beeps when you press that locator. Catch: How to avoid losing the locator switch?? (Into the trash it went, with a silent prayer to friend, for forgiveness).

The only two techniques I've found that help (some) are:

1) to speak it outloud when I'm puttting away a particular important item, (in a supposedly memorable location.). Example: "I am putting the broken gold chain in a little drawer in the antique desk."

Somehow it's encoded differently, I am more apt to remember myself saying it, than doing the putting. All too often, the putting part is done in a rush, without it registering and then I'm sunk

2) (one of my Mom words of wisdom for my kids to remember me by. Pathetic, when you come to think iof it. ;) ) ALWAYS LABEL ADAPTER PLUGS AS SOON AS THEY'RE OUT OF THE BOX! THe kind that come with almost any electric gadget. White-out works well.

Then you have one that says "cordless screwdriver" instead of - nothing but the damned electic specs.

rt

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My mother and I have this inside joke going on.

When I was younger and would go looking for something important, I'd ask mom where it was, and she'd reply, "oh, it's in a safe place... I'll go get it for you."

Inevitably, when she used the words "in a safe place" to describe the object's location, she could never find it.

Now, if we look for something and can't find it, we just say "oh, it's in a safe place".

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A programmable "clapper" type device. This is what all of us add'led need and will make a fortune for the one who figures it outl A handheld device programmed with audio tones to find whatever but for me; keys, sunglasses, purse, cell phone--maybe up to 10 or more constantly lost items plus few buttons for "tasks".

Seems too simple.....

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We have a house and I let it get messy. I just notice the mess. I go to do something and I end up doing something else. I try and make lists of things to do but I lose them or forget to look at them. Why can't I just do this. how hard is it to keep a house cleasn? why can't I just pick up after myself? I feel like a loser. My hubby is threatening to put locks on some of the rooms in the house to keep me out of them so I don't make them messy.

HaloGirl, you get nothing but sympathy from me.

A modest proposal then: have hubby clean the house.

lily

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A handheld device programmed with audio tones to find whatever but for me; keys, sunglasses, purse, cell phone--maybe up to 10 or more constantly lost items plus few buttons for "tasks".

Just call your cellphone from your landline?

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A programmable "clapper" type device. This is what all of us add'led need and will make a fortune for the one who figures it outl A handheld device programmed with audio tones to find whatever but for me; keys, sunglasses, purse, cell phone--maybe up to 10 or more constantly lost items plus few buttons for "tasks".

Seems too simple.....

I have such a device. Made by the Sharper Image, and called "Now you can Find it" Mine has four keyrings, and a base unit with buttons you press to activate beepers in the little attachable parts. Kind of like a parking lot car finder. I'm sure they come with more transmitters. (WHY does everyone keep giving me these gift items, do you think?? ;) )

Box CLAIMS it can be used with "keys, phone, remote, palm organizer" I just can't figure out how to attach the keyrings to such items. (note, box still shrink-wrapped)....Back to the drawing board, S9! (for Sharper Imge, not you :) )

rt

*haha, I even have a special minder transmitter to put on a child or laptop computer, etc. which might wander (or be taken) away with a pretty good radius. Got it after my small son disappeared in a split second at the Mall one day. (A split second when my heart did not beat! )

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10. Put it Where You Are Sure To Find It Next Time.

11. Forget where that is as new crisis arises to contend with.

Cleaning? Who has time for THAT?

never ever ever put something someplace "special" where you'll be able to find it.

never ever ever.

;)

I thought I'd put my "you'd better not loose THIS" work ID in my desk at work. I don't use

it much, and in my wallet the lamination is doomed. Last week I realized I would need it soon, so

started looking... Of COURSE it wasn't at the office. Or on my dresser. Or anywhere else I recall

putting such things in the past.

Luckily I found it the other day.

Exactly in the middle of being under my bed.

On the other hand, it took about 45 seconds to locate an envelope that had been sitting on a chair

for a few months and eventually (I estimate 4-6 weeks ago) moved to one of the living room table piles.

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We have a house and I let it get messy. I just notice the mess. I go to do something and I end up doing something else. I try and make lists of things to do but I lose them or forget to look at them. Why can't I just do this. how hard is it to keep a house cleasn? why can't I just pick up after myself? I feel like a loser. My hubby is threatening to put locks on some of the rooms in the house to keep me out of them so I don't make them messy.

Halo, we are living paralell lives. My H says the SAME exact thing!! Makes me feel like a worthless piece of crap... It works both ways, he doesn't see the stuff he leaves around, which is usually right in the middle of what I've been trying to clean up. I get discouraged and just say "fuck it". It is very hard to keep a house clean. Add children (I have 3) and it's even worse!

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3 kids and he's complaining? eek. I usually have all of important papers in a huge messy pile on the large coffee table. Thats my concession to cleanliness (unless I'm adderralled out and on a cleaning binge) my husband knows that he'd better not touch it or there will be hell to pay. (He "helped" to clean and we still can't find either of our birth certificates and marriage license)

Tell hubby to take a chill pill and shut the heck up that you're doing the best you can and that you HAVE A..D..D. Maybe pick one room to throw all of your stuff in and tell him to stay out and in return he can manage to keep 3 kids in line (good luck with that I say to him)

jeez

lilie

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Boyd:

The best solution for keys, cell phones wallets is to get a bowl, a nice one from pier one so it looks nice, then put every piece of crap that is loseable into it... very first thing, when you come home. That is the hard part to get used to but whenever you are looking for those keys the odds are way like 2-1 or

better that you will find them in that bowl

Oh, Boyd, Boyd. My whole house is this bowl of which you speak. Everything but the actual toilet bowl, in fact (and that's next).

( shakes head disconsolately from her alternate non-Boydian universe. Feeling like a person suffering from malignant, lifelong insomnia advised to try camomile tea. )

No harm meant. It's a terrific method for the minor league organizationally impaired. I'm sure many could greatly benefit by adopting it. As I write, I am picturing an enormous antique wooden salad bowl somewhere in my small kitchen that might work for the "old me".

Some of us are too far gone for that, though (will four years of tax receipts fit in it? :embarassed: )..

I WILL get there, though, scoff not (in fact, I USED to "be there". Sometmes I seriously think my disabling depression is largely the response of a failed OCD-er (larder used to be in alphabetical order within subcategories, like a store.... 2000+ book library arranged by Dewey Decimel System, more or less). .

But an OCD person who threw up her hands after several years of dealing with mightily disturbed, brain damaged kid. (Entropy-in-Action.)

In the meantime, I'm still relying on "emergency " measures - like writing ballpoint notes on the back of my nondominant hand and wearing a springy coil bracelet keychain, holding one of a dozen spare car keys. (always get a kick out of those optimistic souls who hand me appointment cards, to be dropped into the Leviathan bowels of my giant backpack purse ;) ).

I just ..oh, God, I'll mention IT - found a long matured bond (constituting a large percentage of my worldly assets). Will not reveal number of digits...It's too painful, and besides there ARE limits to what I can disclose on an Internet message board, pseudonyn or no. ( masturbatory techniques? Sure - no prob!)

rt

Already planned epitaph on gravestone - "better late than never".

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thanks for the advice and support all. I have more to day but I just haven't been able to sit down and type it.

I am glad I am not the only one writing notes on my hands in ink and cursing myself for putting something away in a special place of which I cannot remember...

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  • 3 weeks later...

This has been mentioned before but if you will take it one step at a time, start at the beginning and read what she says--it WILL WORK--

www.flylady.net

No one is more messy, scattered, lazy, etc. etc. than me, and in a year or so, I have managed to get my shit together--well most of the time--following her basic ideas. Give it a try--

love, chinaflybaby

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