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"Officially Came-Out" to would-be beau


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yesterday my would-be beau and i were chatting (in email) about honesty in relatinoshiops. i didn't want to lie by omission, so i told him just that i'm bp, and sometimes happy and sometimes sad, and that i manage it through therapy and meds.

he said 'what's the problem wiht that? i'm fine with that".

what kinds of reactions have you gotten when you've disclosed?

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Woohoo!! well done loon, I'm really happy for you it went well. I've had all sorts of reactions, from an onslaught of questions (genuine, sympathetic) to never hearing from the person again. Most people seem to take it in their stride though, which is why I'm generally all for honesty ;)

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I'm unipolar, so I often get, "Have you tried walking? Herbs? Diet? Massage? A positive outlook? Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. That's what works for me when I'm depressed."

I want to hit them over the head, because their depressed is not the same as my depressed! I wish the psych community would come up with a new word for clinical depression, like "black hole disease," so people would frigging get it.

But anyhow, Loon, I'm glad your beau took it well.

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I'm unipolar, so I often get, "Have you tried walking? Herbs? Diet? Massage? A positive outlook? Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. That's what works for me when I'm depressed."

I want to hit them over the head, because their depressed is not the same as my depressed! I wish the psych community would come up with a new word for clinical depression, like "black hole disease," so people would frigging get it.

I hate that, too. My last gf totally took a bootstraps aproach. When all I wanted to was just talk a little about how I was feeling, to let her know, to get some comfort, whatever, it was always like: "Have you gone running recently?" "Have you listened to that meditation cd I got you?" "Let's try a mental exercise so you can go back to where the source of your mood comes from." (Either that or distancing.) All that stuff is good, but it's not going to fucking deal with the extremes of my bipolar.

Anway, sorry to vent. There's definitely a gamut of reactions you could get. In contrast to the last gf, my second-to-last gf was super laid back and understanding, which alone was very emotionally comforting. Loon, It sounds like you're current beau is more on that end, so good for you!

~cache-monkey

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Loon,

I'm glad he took it well too. So far I've only disclosed to my family and my boss. My boss was very understanding as was my younger brother. My folks, who were a nurse and a doctor, don't quite want to believe it, but after the fourth time in the hospital they're coming around ;) My older brother and youngest brother and their spouses don't seem to have an opinion either way.

Tommy

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I hate that, too. My last gf totally took a bootstraps aproach. When all I wanted to was just talk a little about how I was feeling, to let her know, to get some comfort, whatever, it was always like: "Have you gone running recently?" "Have you listened to that meditation cd I got you?" "Let's try a mental exercise so you can go back to where the source of your mood comes from." (Either that or distancing.) All that stuff is good, but it's not going to fucking deal with the extremes of my bipolar.

If I hear one more sentence beginning with "have you tried..." I'm going to scream (more than I usually do).

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Tonight I had a date (first date, sort of, with someone I've been corresponding with through email and helped move in). We've both brought up depression as an issue, but I hadn't mentioned bipolar and I felt kind of like I was hiding it. Tonight we were discussing medications, which came up for some relevant reason, and she asked me what I was taking. So I was like, um, well, it mostly manifests itself as anxiety and depression but actually I have bipolar disorder and so I take several bipolar medications, and I listed them off.

Then she said she had bipolar, too, and had been on some of the same medications. We shared medication and pdoc stories, and I gave her my pdoc's contact info, since she's new in town.

heh.

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yesterday my would-be beau and i were chatting (in email) about honesty in relatinoshiops. i didn't want to lie by omission, so i told him just that i'm bp, and sometimes happy and sometimes sad, and that i manage it through therapy and meds.

he said 'what's the problem wiht that? i'm fine with that".

what kinds of reactions have you gotten when you've disclosed?

Loon...

I have gotten reactions from "Get the fuck outta here!" (Literally)... to "No, ya don't say? I just thought those highs and lows were normal from all women" (Total sarcasm from a, yes, we hate them, but I love him, Drug Exec.)

I've had men encourage me to stop taking my meds. I have a guy make sure I was taking my meds. I had a guy ditch me after I ended up in the looney bin because he disappeared for 48 hours and I was already on the edge (well, considering my whole family blamed him, I would ditch too), then come back when he "understood" the nature of the disease.

Jade

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yesterday my would-be beau and i were chatting (in email) about honesty in relatinoshiops. i didn't want to lie by omission, so i told him just that i'm bp, and sometimes happy and sometimes sad, and that i manage it through therapy and meds.

he said 'what's the problem wiht that? i'm fine with that".

what kinds of reactions have you gotten when you've disclosed?

Sorry to be a bummer but originally when things got serious I had to spill my guts...

Meds, disorders, work disability program ect...

No problem.. we eventually got married.

As years, 4 to be exact, went on, IT became the brunt of all his anger, excuses , reasoning, why

everything in life was my fault.. I was sick, crazy, need more doctors ect.. It never really stopped.. But we

are still together??? in a distant difficult relationship.. Frosty

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That sucks Frosty! What you need is supportive people in your life, not people who blame everything on your disorder and act like you're some zoo animal. I'd let him know, if you haven't already, that he's crossing the line.

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That sucks Frosty! What you need is supportive people in your life, not people who blame everything on your disorder and act like you're some zoo animal. I'd let him know, if you haven't already, that he's crossing the line.

Oh he knows alright but my life was in such chaos, sometimes you have to make a deal with the "devil"

just to allow yourself time to heal and recover. Even if it means , taken the crap that goes with the good..

Frosty.

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