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Hello!!

I don't know why I've created this topic. Maybe I'm looking for something to hold onto. I just hope someone reads this. I don't expect replies and it would be arrogant of me to say I will get them.

I know, I know, I have posted this subject before. You may, and probably will, think I am not serious. Well, I've never been taken seriously. Even my parents think "what events!?" despite that they don't know most of what went on (parents don't generally in my opinion). Right now, I am so close to tears. I can't reach out any longer and I can't bear how much my family will suffer. But I can't take it any more. It's for me to go. I have nothing to offer to anyone. I just can't do it anymore. I'm not doing this anymore.

Whether it's tomorrow or the day after I don't know. I will cry. I am crying now, almost. I can't cut my wrists as I know I won't be able to do it. Probably overdose or fall. Anyway, those are minor details.

Goodbye.

I wish I could live

OK, now I am crying LOL!

It's time for me to go.....

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easyrider,

please stay with us. if thinking of suicide makes you cry, there is probably enough reason to go on living. Call your pdoc or get to an emergency room. I've been through this four times and can tell you it really gets better.

Tommy

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I am so sorry you feel this way. ;)

It makes me so sad to read.

I don't have or Know the right words to tell you to make it go away.

But, just know that even if you don't know me and I don't know you. It would be awful to lose you.

I will be thinking of you.

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my dad DID kill himself.

the pain he left with his departure was so serious, so strong, that it put me in the nut house 4 times in 2 years. my bipolar disorder, which was pretty manageable before, was suddenly twirling and whirling up and down and all over...

you should never, could never think of how your loved ones would feel about your departure. even the guy who sells you lotto tickets at the gas station would mourn your loss (and not just your money) ;)

i'm telling you that your life effects so many other lives and so much, you have NO IDEA how IMPORTANT you are! i'm telling you. you have no idea.

you don't believe me, i know, because you have Black Hole Disease. but i promise, from having been there with dad's suicide, that there is no recovery from the heartbreak hell of a loved one's death.

this is cruel and not something you should ever do to those you love. no matter how YOU feel inside, no matter how CRAPPY AND DISENGAGED or however you feel, find it in you not to hurt those who do love you, and even that lotto guy. please know, we're sending love and light.

loon

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I'm not angry or hateful.

You post topics and messages about all the sex, and love, and changes, etc, and you are free to do that. You are free to post whatever you like as long as it is within the board guidelines. I would just like to ask to please not tell me to continue living my shit life on the basis of loved ones or on the basis of anything. I understand, you have been through hell in your life at times, worse than I can ever imagine or it will ever get for me. I just can't do it anymore. I've had enough of living. I can't deal with the intrusive thoughts, depression, loneliness, lack of love (from family and the opposite sex) and everything else that this shithole for a life entails. I'm not justifying anything. I just..... wanted at least someone to know what I was thinking when I decided I finally did want to truly die. People with far worse mental problems than me have more success in all walks of life.

Btw, I don't have any phone numbers to ring. I'm not important enough.

*expecting angry replies*

It's the way my life is.....

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I think it's appropriate to sum this up in three words: three people replied.

No-one cares, no-one ever will.....

Not replying doesn't mean someone doesn't care, easyrider. Sometimes it is just too scary to talk to someone even thinking about ending their life. Sometimes its a trigger for someone else, but people do care.

Tommy

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I think it's appropriate to sum this up in three words: three people replied.

No-one cares, no-one ever will.....

in an hour.

if you need support asap there is chat and there are suicide hotlines. look right up at the top of this thread, there's a link to numbers of suicide hotlines. message boards are slower modes of communication. it can take days, weeks, months for threads to be resolved.

that said, your parents not understanding is not the same as not loving you. regardless of what you thing, their lives will be permanently affected for the negative if you kill yourself.

and yes, like loon i did loose someone in my life to suicide, so that is comming from that opinion.

as for the opinion from the other side.

life hurts. i mean it really does. and it's unbearable. and i've SI'd and i've overdosed. because life just fucking hurt too damn much and i couldn't understand how i was actually alive.

but now i'm glad i am alive. i really am.

i was on the wrong meds then, and it really made it a lot worse. that stuff they say about SSRIs and suicidal thoughts isn't baloney. doesn't mean they are bad meds, just that you need to call your pdoc and tell him how you feel. zoloft doesn't seem to be doing it for you, and that's fine. there are other things out there. there are options. and then there's therapy, esp. if you're suicidal and SI you need to be seeing someone once a week if you can manage it at all.

don't give up. i know it hurts and i'm sure that sounds hollow to you, but it doesn't have to hurt this much. please, call your doctor.

penny

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easyrider -

there are always numbers to call. there's a link to suicide hotlines at the very top of this forum, if you check: suicideinfo.org. you can always dial emergency. you're on meds, and true, you might have one of those useless pdocs who don't give you emergency numbers, but there are people to call. when you need help Right Now, a message board isn't the way to go. it simply isn't fast enough. people operate on different schedules, live in different timezones.

call one of the emergency numbers listed above. call your doctor. call friends. hell, call emergency, or go to hospital, but do something. you're welcome in chat as well, if you have IRC or if you use the webchat feature. i don't know how long you've felt this way, and i don't know what you've tried for treatment, but think about trying just a bit longer before you give up. you have the rest of your life to kill yourself, after all. no need to rush.

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I will be sending you a private message on this topic later today when I get back to my own computer.

It may help you with a lot of your problems.

Until then, hold on.

Please.

ER - I sen't you a private msg on this topic..

Everyone else - Hey, I'm new. Nice to meet you all!

Nice to meet you too.

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I wasn't online either when you posted. I really hope you don't go through with this. I attempted to put myself out of my misery 2x and failed, both about 14 years ago. Life did not get better right away but life did get better. Today I am so happy to be alive. Life can become unbearable at times but you did the right thing by reaching out here and I hope you called one of those numbers people listed above because when life is unbearable you need others to help you through it and it does get better. Honest. Keep talking. And remember, a lot of posters have certain threads that they look up but don't always click on the "View New Posts" link. Not getting a flood of answers right away doesn't mean nobody cares.

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