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I had my pdoc appt yesterday.............why can't I ask for help??? Why can't I say what I am really feeling...scared, tired, self-hating, paranoid, desperately seeking an end to this confusion in my mind!!!

I hate taking these meds......I hate the fatigue.......is it the meds or the depression????

I hate questioning my feelings, I hate being scared all the time, I HATE, HATE, HATE!!!!!!!

WHY can't I ask for help??? Because I am tired of fighting.......tired of everything.....tired of knowing the crap I put everyone through before I took meds......

I am just tired......I feel I just can't fight anymore......... Maybe I can't ask for help because I just don't want it anymore....

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zelda -

sometimes it's more difficult to express your feelings out loud, particularly when you're sitting in a doctor's office. you know you need help, and that you want help, but asking for it feels impossible. have you tried writing your feelings down? it can help if you feel too anxious to actually say what you're feeling, or feel that your doctor is sitting in judgement over you somehow, or if you feel too exhausted and stressed to deal with talking. you could print out this post, or other posts, or keep a journal and bring it to your next appointment, or you could just bring a pad and paper with you to the office. it's often easier than trying to talk, for me, at least.

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Zelda, it's horrible, I know. I lied to my pdoc about my suicidal thoughts and didn't even mention plenty of other things, such as compulsive behaviours. She made another appointment because my counsellor said I needed one to tell her more of the truth. I went again to see my pdoc on Tuesday and I told her as much of the truth as I could put into words, and I used notes.

Trying writing things down would be good I think. Writing them in note form is helpful, such as bullet points that you could expand on when you're sitting in his/her office. Your pdoc could even ask you about the bullet points so that it, in a way, forces you to say them. Writing your feelings down in their complete form would take a long time and would fill a lot of paper, so giving yourself cues and reminders is a good way to help yourself to express your feelings. It can be done. If you feel notes for reminders isn't going to help you express what you really feel, then try writing more down and just reading it, almost like a script. Remember, you have nothing to lose by telling your pdoc.

I know you're sick of hating all this and feeling tired, but you can fight this and pull through! Helps is there, getting it seems like a hopeless cause right now, but it will definitely arrive for you.

Take care!!

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Zelda, if its any help, a good pdoc will be able to pick up on how you're really feeling even if you find it hard to say.

I understand how reaching out can be hard to do. You have made an important step though, in reaching out to us, here.

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Hi Zelda.

Notes and printouts are excellent ideas. You could even type up something - all the things that you want to say as if you were in fact talking about it. When I first went to my old pdoc I took along a bunch of pages to give to her to read because I was nervous & also worried about leaving something out. It was a huge relief to have it all out there without having to talk about it.

If, on the other hand, you feel uncomfortable doing that.. maybe just give your doc the idea that things aren't alright without actually saying it? Give some indication and then let them drawl it out of you. I suspect that it would be much more difficult to keep your thoughts to yourself if the doc was outright asking you about those things?

Best wishes!

Please let us know how things go.

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It is incredibly hard to ask for help. And yet we walk into the doctor's office and try to put on the brave face, say that things are kind of bad, but not being able to express the

scared, tired, self-hating, paranoid, desperately seeking an end to this confusion in my mind!!!
part of being depressed.

Maybe it's how we're trained. Be strong. Don't whine. If you need something, take care of it yourself. But then we fail to learn that there are times when it's absolutely essential to ask for help, when it's okay to admit you can't fix this on your own.

When I first started seeing my pdoc, I was pretty much mono-syllabic. Somehow I found it easier to answer questions than to say outright how miserable and desperate I felt.

Maybe if you told your pdoc, "Look. I need your help with this. Ask me questions. It's too hard to just blurt it all out." That might give you a start.

Whatever you can do to force yourself to be completely honest with your doc is worth doing. Your treatment will be sub-par if your doc doesn't know how bad it really is.

Wishing you well,


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