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the common flu/cold


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The common cold, or flu, what a shit it can be to have when u are bi-polar.

after finally being stable for 6 weeks after two years of being a complete mess. i get the common flu that is going around town and i lose the fucking plot.

i hate it i am a mess i cant stop crying. i hate myself again. over something that is not my fault. i was doing so good now i am shattered. im taking 4 xanax a day on docs advice to try and calm me down so my body can rest and i can get over the flu.

but for some reason i hate myself now and i want to start cutting up my body and starving myself so i dont lose put on any weight being sick cause all i want to do is eat so i feel better.

ihate this. why is it that when u feel happy something always has to happen to fuck it up and make u down again.

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when i had the flu back in february, i was seriously down too.

all I can suggest is waiting it out. which I KNOW being a CB'er you are quite accustomed to.

Honestly, nothing which isn't unsavory can make the flu easier to deal with. All you can do is relax, and sleep excessively, until you wake up and feel it going away.

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This is funny...interesting timing.

I've had some intestinal bug that hit me Friday morning. The night before, I was all fidgety. Really noticable. Couldn't sit still

Then the bug. Today's the first day I've had more than soup and crackers (or nothing but Gatorade the 1st couple days.) And I feel pretty good today, not so hyper and irritable as I was on Thurs.

In spite of all the fever, pain and being wiped out, in a weird way I've always actually enjoyed being sick. I mean, I do really hate it. But it's one of the rare times when I can't obsess, be hyper or depressed. All I can do is sleep. No choices. That's it.

Of course the worst is when I'm okay enough to be up and doing shit, but still feel like crap.

Anyway, I never associated the hyperness to being sick. I'll pay attention from now on.

PS - Oh, I have associated it with being depressed before, and that lasting. But that was before I wad dx'd as BPII. Just unipolar on ADs. Think this has been the 1st time I've been sick since I've been properly dx'd and on Lamical. Again, I'll have to pay attention.

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