It's back

[Alissha]

So, I've been going through mixed state/rapid cycling hell with my bp. Lots of anxiety and lots of irritability, but I thought I was coping with new med changes.

It's not going so well. My boyfriend has moved out to work in another town, this was a mutually agreed upon decision that is best for our future. The only way we can afford to move (which we desperately need to do) is if he is working at a better job. However, my main support person is gone now.

I've been alone since Sunday and I've restricted calories to the extreme on one day (700 cals) and purged on another two. I haven't purged in months. Dammit, I thought I had a handle on things.

I can't seem to stop obsessing about my weight, and how I would like to lose 15 pounds. RIGHT NOW! I want the weight gone immediately. I can't seem to stop thinking about food and looking at recipes. I seem to be convinced that if I restrict, eat vegan, and exercise like demon it will all be fine. Realistically, I know that this is not the way to go about healthy living.

Not sure if there's a point to this, just feel the need to tell someone. I feel like such a failure.

[~nestling~]

I hear you. You're not a failure. You're struggling with some self and body image issues right now. You're under stress. You are aware of your thoughts and feelings and you want to be safe from them. You are not a failure.

You mention unofficial therapy in your sig......but are you having any 'official' therapy? Sounds like you could really use some support right now to help untangle things and settle you emotionally within your new living situation.

[Ophelia]

You mention unofficial therapy in your sig......but are you having any 'official' therapy? Sounds like you could really use some support right now to help untangle things and settle you emotionally within your new living situation.

I agree. You are going through a lot of change right now along with all the bp fun. even with med changes... meds don't solve everything... very far from it. with your main support person gone for now, I would venture to say that you should be in "official" therapy. you are going through a lot and no one should have to go through stuff like that alone without help, you know?

take care of yourself

~Ophelia~

[robotlove29]

hey there alissha. just like the smart kids above, i'd have to sing the praises of therapy right now. believe me i've been where you are. when things fall apart, it's easy to turn to hating yourself and controling your body/food. so you reached out and we're here to listen. :-) tell us everything. we are an un biased loving crowd. :-)