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I feel like I'm going out of my mind


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I just don't know what to do. I feel so helpless and out of control with no clue how to fix it.

I just had my meds change.. lowering the Cymbalta and raising the Prozac and adding Wellbutrin. I told her I was worried about lowering Cymbalta because it's the only med that's worked even in the slightest. I get zero side effects from it & at the end of the first two weeks it kicks in and I feel better. Still very depressed, but better.

Her line of thought is that I need to find a med that works completely & not just halfway. She thinks Prozac may do this, even though the Zoloft did absolutely nothing. (Execpt give me brain zaps)

But seeing as I started them both at the same time, I have no idea if Prozac's doing anything at all. Still, I told her that I'd do it just because she wanted me to.

At the time, I was feeling mentally dull but the depression (while still present) was alot less severe with the Cymbalta/Lithium mix.

That was Thursday afternoon. Now I'm a complete wreck & I have no idea if it's just me being sick and emotional or if really is the Cymbalta. It seems way too soon for that to be the culprit - but I just don't know! I have a fever that won't go away (normal for me since I have a crappy immune system) and I can't stop crying. I had to go hide in the bathroom at work today because I just couldn't hold it together.

I just don't get it! At first, I thought this morning "yay! I have mental clarity back!" but now I"m feeling as low as ever and I don't know why! There's just too many variables to figure it out and that makes me feel so trapped and helpless.

Part of me needs to release all this crap inside of me through some activity, but the other part is just so tired and just wants to lay down and sleep. It's like a tug of war with no answer & that makes me feel even worse too. Even right now I'm crying and shaking .. and I can't stop.

What's wrong with me!? I'm on all this shit but right now I might as well not be taking anything! I just have absolutely no control & that bothers me. And then there's all the finantial crap. I'm putting all my money into fighting this to the point where I can't even buy food.

I'm just so tired of everything & I hate having no solutions to my problems. That's one of the reasons why I've posted alot recently. Perhaps I can help others.. if only through kind words. I'm just so tired of trying to help myself & failing miserably every time. I couldn't even pay the rent this time without going into the negative - and that's the account where I work (BoA).

Plus I can barely read this because of the damn lithium! And, no, it's not an overdose.. it's just having a wierd effect with my contacts and being able to focus. I'm near sighted but now everything has to be a foot away from my face to see it clearly... I just can't focus properly any closer.

*sigh*

I already up'ed my wellbutrin in hopes that would help. (Yes I will tell my doc - I tend to increase at a faster rate & she's fine with it) But the only other thing I can think to do would be to knock myself out with my nighttime combo... but it's really too early for that. Especially since I take two of my three Lithium at night.

I just don't know what to do & there really aren't any answers.

I hate not having answers.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

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I know one thing, that Wellbutrin tends to give most people panic attacks/anxiety the first couple of weeks of starting it. Maybe you are panicking and worrying because of the Wellb.

Just a thought. I have no idea how your Dr is gonna figure out what is working and not working when he has you starting and stopping things all at the same time.

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Hi, there,

It's hard to say much without knowing your Cymbalta dose before Thursday and what you've dropped down to. But it sounds like you're reacting to the reduction in Cymbalta. The Prozac and Wellbutrin wouldn't be doing much yet to alleviate depression. And both Prozac and Wellbutrin can up your anxiety level at first. Once you get throug the first couple of weeks, the extra anxiety generally dies down, and as the antidepressant effect kicks in, the anxiety drops further yet.

Wellbutrin really helped me with the mental clarity issues, and kicked in much faster than the SSRIs.

Feel better soon.

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Hello!!

I hope you feel better now than you did earlier.

Sometimes in life there are no answers available to what we are going through. I know you said you hate that, but sometimes no matter the lengths we travel to find an answer, one just doesn't want to appear in front of our eyes.

The lack of control can make everything seem so much more daunting, but depression can do that sometimes. You will re-gain control, this is just a period of adjustment. My advice, from limited experience, is to just feel those feelings but not act upon them. Don't do anything that you know you wouldn't do normally. It does really sound like you're experiencing these feelings due to the change in medication. I would like to add more information to expand on this, but I literally don't know more than the basic basics about the medication you are taking. It seems like it's causing anxiety and a downward feeling right now, but I know it will improve for you. Don't just knock yourself out with your night-time combo. That is not the answer to this certainly. I'm not sure what exactly is going through your doctors head. I think s/he will have the best intentions when you go for help.

Do not give up. I am sorry to hear that it's difficult to pay for food/rent and your medication/therapy. That sucks so much ass it is unbelievable. I don't know your exact financial situation and I'm by no means a financial advisor at all, but are there any available schemes or government help available for you? I don't know anything about care in Florida, but I thought it might be worth a try (and I'm sure the government isn't exactly bending over backwards to help people).

And don't worry about your vision. I am neither long nor short sighted, and I've been told my vision is really good in the past loads, and the screen isn't as clear if I am closer than 12 inches. I'm sure the Lithium is having an effect, but it isn't completely abnormal to experience that.

Take care!!

((((((((((Cetkat))))))))))

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I know one thing, that Wellbutrin tends to give most people panic attacks/anxiety the first couple of weeks of starting it. Maybe you are panicking and worrying because of the Wellb.

Just a thought. I have no idea how your Dr is gonna figure out what is working and not working when he has you starting and stopping things all at the same time.

Well.. I already have the anxiety bit, but last night was more the depression than anxiety. I just want to make the pain stop & the pull is a combo of being tired and just wanting to lay there and wanting to do something to take my mind off it. I end up doing neither and just sit there feeling bad.

Plus, I've been on Wellbutrin, a loooong time ago & can't remember having any effects. And she gave me Xanax XR to take every day - on top of the ones that dissolve. But I agree that adding the WB & Xanax at the same time that I'm messing with my main antidepressant is..... interesting?

Hi, there,

It's hard to say much without knowing your Cymbalta dose before Thursday and what you've dropped down to. But it sounds like you're reacting to the reduction in Cymbalta. The Prozac and Wellbutrin wouldn't be doing much yet to alleviate depression. And both Prozac and Wellbutrin can up your anxiety level at first. Once you get throug the first couple of weeks, the extra anxiety generally dies down, and as the antidepressant effect kicks in, the anxiety drops further yet.

Wellbutrin really helped me with the mental clarity issues, and kicked in much faster than the SSRIs.

Feel better soon.

Good to know it's the Wellbutrin making me feel more normal & less drugged. The Cymbalta was only at 60mg. Do you really think I could have a reaction that quickly? I would have thought that it would take at least 3 days for my levels to drop. Although, since the Prozac isn't at a therapeutic level yet it's kind of like not having an antidepressant at all... isn't it?

Except for the lithium.. Though I still have no idea where that's at.

Thank you.

Hello!!

I hope you feel better now than you did earlier.

Sometimes in life there are no answers available to what we are going through. I know you said you hate that, but sometimes no matter the lengths we travel to find an answer, one just doesn't want to appear in front of our eyes.

Thank you.. I really wish I did. Or an answer just doesn't exist, like I was told by my first p/t doc. That's a real hope buster.

Don't do anything that you know you wouldn't do normally. It does really sound like you're experiencing these feelings due to the change in medication. I would like to add more information to expand on this, but I literally don't know more than the basic basics about the medication you are taking.
I'll try. I have no idea what 'normal' is though, feeling this is the norm. That's ok. Just replying is enough.

It seems like it's causing anxiety and a downward feeling right now, but I know it will improve for you. Don't just knock yourself out with your night-time combo. That is not the answer to this certainly. I'm not sure what exactly is going through your doctors head. I think s/he will have the best intentions when you go for help.

I sure hope so. Knocking myself out is actually the point of the meds...I've always had a hard time getting to sleep. I did wait till it was time to take them though. I really am trying & I do understand why she's doing it. She didn't want to add another drug to try and make something work that isn't (seretoin wise). And since I have the Remeron that's working for sleep quality, raising one drug without lowering another would be dangerous. She jusf picked the prozac as the one to raise (possibly because it's cheaper). I thought it was the wrong choice..but she had been right so far.

Do not give up. I am sorry to hear that it's difficult to pay for food/rent and your medication/therapy. That sucks so much ass it is unbelievable. I don't know your exact financial situation and I'm by no means a financial advisor at all, but are there any available schemes or government help available for you? I don't know anything about care in Florida, but I thought it might be worth a try (and I'm sure the government isn't exactly bending over backwards to help people).
The situation is 2 jobs, 50+ hours, and just enough to eat and take care of bills. Now that money's going into meds and doctor appointments.

No govermental help unless you get welfare or claim disability. I would have to quit my jobs to qualify for welfare and the other is hard to do & looks bad. It's basically saying "I can't care for myself so the state picks up the tab" - thou they wouldn't pay your bills.

And don't worry about your vision. I am neither long nor short sighted, and I've been told my vision is really good in the past loads, and the screen isn't as clear if I am closer than 12 inches. I'm sure the Lithium is having an effect, but it isn't completely abnormal to experience that.

Yeah, I can see the correlation between when I take the pill & when my vision blurs. It's just annoying and strange since it should be physically impossible. (Cornea wise)

Take care!!

((((((((((Cetkat))))))))))

Thank you. ((((((((EasyRider))))))))

I don't understand why your pdoc is changing two meds at once. How the hell are you supposed to know what is doing what?

I feel sorry for you, and it ain't your fault.

I feels like my fault though.. even though my mind tells me it's not. I feel like such a failure. And I just called in to my second job because I just can't do it today. They were polite about it.. but here, if you call in your the worst person in the world. So not only do I feel bad, now I feel guilty for feeling bad.

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how're you feeling now?

Thank you for asking.,

A little better. Yesterday the depression came from nowhere in the middle of the day and by nighttime I was a wreak. I'm still just as depressed today, but I knew that I would be.. so it's better because I was prepared for it..

Does that make sense?

I'm starting to think that it is the change in Cymbalta.. and not just because I'm sick. Still I want to do what my pdoc told me to. Even though I dropped down into severe depression from a mild one.

I know she want's me to get up to 80mg in the Prozac.

*thinks*

I think I"m going to stop the Cymbalta entirely. I get no negative symptoms from it what-so-ever so that shouldn't cause any problems. Then I'll increase the Prozac to 80mg and see what happens.

If I'm gonna feel horrible, I'm going to do it for one week instead of two.

And that will tell me for certain if it is the lack of Cymbalta that's causing this b/c if I'm right I'll feel even worse. Then I'll know that it's not being sick or something else that's causing this.

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I still dont understand with you taking Prozac, wellbutrin, cymbalta, remeron, how you are supposed to figure things out. What I do remember reading is that Cymbalta has some bad startup effects: check out the link

My pdoc switched me from 20mg Lexapro to 60mg Cymbalta. I don't know if this is normal or not, but Im so restless. I have trouble sitting still. I feel like Im going crazy sitting in the house with no where to go. I do alot of pacing and can't sit still. Is this a normal start up effect, and will it lessen as I get used to it. Thanks!

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=10882

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I still dont understand with you taking Prozac, wellbutrin, cymbalta, remeron, how you are supposed to figure things out. What I do remember reading is that Cymbalta has some bad startup effects: check out the link

Well, I started first with the Prozac & Cymbalta, then added the Remeron for better quality sleep (something's off in my brain wave cycle, so for years I've woken up tired even with 10+ hours of sleep), and it's just grown from there. I can tell the Wellbutrin makes things less foggy, so I know what that's doing. It's just that I started the first two at the same time & got the Cymbalta effects right on schedule (2 weeks), with (perhaps) a little more punch because of the prozac. I know from experience that on that dose (60 mg)

I don't get anymore relief than what I get initially. She wants to find out if the Prozac will work better than that. If it doesn't, then I'll be put back on the Cymbalta & try an increased dose.

Thanks for the link and your concern & normally I'd agree with you and wouldn't mess with it b/c withdrawl effects. There's no point in stopping something if I can't tell the difference between the withdrawl & Prozac.

However, I'm weird. I had zoloft and Cymbalta with my last pdoc & basically stopped going and ran out of meds. The zoloft ran out first and I remember the withdrawl. After that I still had one of the 30mg of Cymbalta, so I took 60mg , 30mg , 60mg , stop. I had absolutely no withdrawl... I just felt more depressed again. I'm just lucky with that med.. it agrees with me for some odd reason.

[guote]

My pdoc switched me from 20mg Lexapro to 60mg Cymbalta. I don't know if this is normal or not, but Im so restless. I have trouble sitting still. I feel like Im going crazy sitting in the house with no where to go. I do alot of pacing and can't sit still. Is this a normal start up effect, and will it lessen as I get used to it. Thanks!

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Well, I started first with the Prozac & Cymbalta, then added the Remeron for better quality sleep (something's off in my brain wave cycle, so for years I've woken up tired even with 10+ hours of sleep), and it's just grown from there. I can tell the Wellbutrin makes things less foggy, so I know what that's doing. It's just that I started the first two at the same time & got the Cymbalta effects right on schedule (2

[guote]

My pdoc switched me from 20mg Lexapro to 60mg Cymbalta. I don't know if this is normal or not, but Im so restless. I have trouble sitting still. I feel like Im going crazy sitting in the house with no where to go. I do alot of pacing and can't sit still. Is this a normal start up effect, and will it lessen as I get used to it. Thanks!

It could be. Different people react differently. You went from an SSRI to a multiple reuptake inhibitor, so now your norepinephrine is being messed with along with the serotonin. This could just be the result of that. I would talk to your doc and see what he says. He may give you something temporarily to handle it. As long as it goes away in a couple of weeks you'll be fine.. otherwise you may need to try a different med.

------------

For some reason the quote isn't showing up in the preview, so I changed the colour just in case..

But if you started prozac & Cymbalta at the same time that would be hard to recognize which drug is doing what. And taking remeron is making it even harder because even though you are using it for sleep it is still having antidepressant properties.

Oh, That purple part I got from the link, that wasnt me using cymbalta.

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But if you started prozac & Cymbalta at the same time that would be hard to recognize which drug is doing what. And taking remeron is making it even harder because even though you are using it for sleep it is still having antidepressant properties.

Oh, That purple part I got from the link, that wasnt me using cymbalta.

Yeah, except I know what to expect from Cymbalta...I've taken that on its own before. It was just hard to tell if the Prozac was adding anything or not. I didn't start the Remeron until later & didn't notice any difference in the depression, only in energy. So it could be doing something for the depression, but if it is it's not much. Especially considering how I feel right now. I do get your point though.

Ahh...I see. Oh well..

-----

Yay the boxes are working again!

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How is it going for you today.. it is an art to

pinpoint one meds effects , let alone toss a couple

into the mix at once.. been there, done that,,

didn't work out 4me..

You have a multi mix like I do,, it is like trying to balance on a ball

on a boat in a monsoon.. Hope your doing better every day.

And boy , I bow down to anyone holding ONE job,,

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Hi. I understand what you mean about the depression coming out of nowhere and knocking you out, as it were.......I had that happen last Sunday, so I'm aware this Sunday.

I can't comment on the meds, having never been on them, but wanted to send caring thoughts.

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I just have to say it makes me crazy(er) trying to understand why pdocs insist of changing meds that actually appear to be working. A while back I was feeling some relief and said so to my pdoc, whose response was: "Good. I think I'll cut your dose back by half."

I promptly swan-dived back into the Abyss.

It's like the old saw about the nurse: "Wake up, wake up - it's time to take your sleeping pill."

Why not do small, incremental adjustments over time? If I'm trying to hone in on a radio station, and get the station with static, I nudge the dial to try to improve the signal - I don't give it a twirl .

grr

Cerberus

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How is it going for you today.. it is an art to

pinpoint one meds effects , let alone toss a couple

into the mix at once.. been there, done that,,

didn't work out 4me..

You have a multi mix like I do,, it is like trying to balance on a ball

on a boat in a monsoon.. Hope your doing better every day.

Thank you for your kind words. It really is like you describe. These ones helped it here the other there, lets just take a wild stab in the dark as to what to try next. I still feel like I'm missing....something. I just have no idea what.

Still depressed today - making my med change too. If I'm right, I'll feel worse.. if she's right I'll feel better. Heads or Tails?

And boy , I bow down to anyone holding ONE job,,
Thanks. Unfortunately I'm having huge issues with both & will probably end up with two job changes.

*sigh* Nothing's ever easy..

Hi. I understand what you mean about the depression coming out of nowhere and knocking you out, as it were.......I had that happen last Sunday, so I'm aware this Sunday.

I can't comment on the meds, having never been on them, but wanted to send caring thoughts.

Thank you for your thoughts. I'm glad you understood what I meant about it coming from nowhere & it therefore being worse.

I just have to say it makes me crazy(er) trying to understand why pdocs insist of changing meds that actually appear to be working. A while back I was feeling some relief and said so to my pdoc, whose response was: "Good. I think I'll cut your dose back by half."

I promptly swan-dived back into the Abyss.

Sorry to hear that they did that to you. I think they just have a perpetual flaw in that; if it's not working all the way, then it's not working at all.

If I'm trying to hone in on a radio station, and get the station with static, I nudge the dial to try to improve the signal - I don't give it a twirl .

That makes me laugh... but it's so true.

I also just realized that I misspelled 'feel'. For some reason I find that incredibly amusing.... in a very pathetic way.

[Edit: Fixed it! ;) ]

Probably just my defensive humor kicking in. Anyone else get that? Where you feel so bad all you can to is laugh?

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Well.. I do feel worse.

But it's because I got a virus & it doesn't like me.

It started innocently enough.. sore throat..little cough & a little bit of a fever.

Now I'm hacking up a lung, can barely talk, and the temp refuses to go below 100'F.

Doing all I can for it.. talked to some nurses. Just have to wait for it to go away on its own.

In the meantime: I'm stopping all the meds I can & limiting the others. My body can't process all this.

I go to see the pdoc on Wed & we'll see where we want to go from there.

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  • 2 weeks later...

rest well and take good care of you.

Thank you. I'm feeling better now, but it was pretty rough. Ended up missing almost a full week of work. Starting back on my meds now minus the prozac, so hopefully I'll feel better soon on that end.

Thanks everyone for listening to me..

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