raining Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Hi people. This is my first post but I've been lurking for quite a while. Been depressed pretty much all my life. A few months ago, after spending almost a week crying, decided I can't take it anymore and so saw a GP and he put me on Luvox 100mg/day. It was great for a few weeks then a few months - feeling almost "normal" for the first time, and generally having more perspective about things. Since the last few weeks however I've been feeling myself falling back into the pit... I know this sounds like whinging, but it's been a fairly difficult couple of weeks, both in terms of work pressures and presonal relationship issues. Maybe that's a trigger. Granted, my current mental state is still not as bad as what it used to be. And tonight, the suicidal thoughts are back. I know they are silly and I won't act on them, but I'm getting a bit worried. I woke up at 4 in the morning from a Restoril induced sleep (which wasn't too bad), and half awake I poped an extra 100mg of Luvox thinking it could make me feel better and pull me out. Bad... I know. Now I don't give a shit. I wanna cry but I can't. I know I'm overreacting and being unreasonable, I try not to loathe, but I don't give a shit. I just want to get out of here and leave everything behind. I feel condemned. I mean, what's the point? What have I done in my 22 years? It's all one fuck-up after another. I don't deserve all the blessings that I have. I am sorry. I know I shouldn't be complaining like that - I know a lot of you good people have things a lot tougher than I do. At his early hour of the morning I am just trying to wait it out. I probably won't be able to see my GP by Tuesday the earliest. I could take myself to ER, but I don't think it's bad enough. right now it's just a calm and stable low. It's not like they're gonna be able to do anything anyway, apart from keeping an eye on me for a while (which is quite unnecessary). It is another one of those nights when I pray to be taken away - to cease upon the midnight with no pain. Thanks for listening and sorry for the rant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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