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Hi people.

This is my first post but I've been lurking for quite a while.

Been depressed pretty much all my life. A few months ago, after spending almost a week crying, decided I can't take it anymore and so saw a GP and he put me on Luvox 100mg/day. It was great for a few weeks then a few months - feeling almost "normal" for the first time, and generally having more perspective about things. Since the last few weeks however I've been feeling myself falling back into the pit...

I know this sounds like whinging, but it's been a fairly difficult couple of weeks, both in terms of work pressures and presonal relationship issues. Maybe that's a trigger. Granted, my current mental state is still not as bad as what it used to be.

And tonight, the suicidal thoughts are back. I know they are silly and I won't act on them, but I'm getting a bit worried.

I woke up at 4 in the morning from a Restoril induced sleep (which wasn't too bad), and half awake I poped an extra 100mg of Luvox thinking it could make me feel better and pull me out. Bad... I know.

Now I don't give a shit. I wanna cry but I can't. I know I'm overreacting and being unreasonable, I try not to loathe, but I don't give a shit. I just want to get out of here and leave everything behind. I feel condemned. I mean, what's the point? What have I done in my 22 years? It's all one fuck-up after another. I don't deserve all the blessings that I have.

I am sorry. I know I shouldn't be complaining like that - I know a lot of you good people have things a lot tougher than I do.

At his early hour of the morning I am just trying to wait it out. I probably won't be able to see my GP by Tuesday the earliest. I could take myself to ER, but I don't think it's bad enough. right now it's just a calm and stable low. It's not like they're gonna be able to do anything anyway, apart from keeping an eye on me for a while (which is quite unnecessary).

It is another one of those nights when I pray to be taken away - to cease upon the midnight with no pain.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the rant.

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SSRI's do poop out. That's the bad news. The good news is that there are MANY ssri's and other antidepressants to be had. Your doc should have an emergency number or another doc on call for him/her over the weekend. Call the office phone number and see what it says. Then call the number they give you.

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Hi Raining, catching you on this side of the boards, welcome.

It can be demoralizing falling back into the pit after feeling better.

People talk about "med poopout", but some doctors feel that it is really a reflection of the illness breaking through, rather than the medicine failing.

See you doc as soon as possible. Very likely he will try an increase of your present meds. But of course you know that it won't work overnite, it needs some time.

take care,

a.m.

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Sun's up so feeling a bit better. Hung around IRC crazymeds and waited it out. Will go in for an pdoc appt on Tuesday, and maybe try to get my dosage upped. Something to look forward to...

Thanks everyone.

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Guest Guest_zanne_*

Sun's up so feeling a bit better. Hung around IRC crazymeds and waited it out. Will go in for an pdoc appt on Tuesday, and maybe try to get my dosage upped. Something to look forward to...

Thanks everyone.

So glad to read that you're feeling a bit better. That must have been quite a night; I remember when my Mom died a few months ago, staying up all night and holding onto Crazy Boards like it was a life preserver. (In a way, it was).

When I started reading your post, I thought you were a much older person. I know it's irritating when you're young to be told to cheer up because you've got your whole life ahead of you. I was there once; now I'm here, at 54, and there are some things that are very clear to me. One of those things is that youth is for making mistakes, feeling very high and very low and just generally screwing up. And here's another secret; we all learn the hard way and we NEVER grow up. We're all just little kids inside, no matter how many years we've lived. Please don't beat yourself up about your life just yet--wait till you're 80. Then, you can beat yourself senseless. You're doing the right things; seeing your pdoc and posting here are good things to do.

Take it easy, sweetie, and I hope your pdoc appointment works out.

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